Thursday, April 26, 2007
The Sports Guy's Enforcers
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Ever read Deadspin? I imagine most people reading this have at least heard of it. It's pretty great, sort of the gold standard of irreverent sports commentary. Far from being a guy-in-Mom's-attic operation, Deadspin is a part of a media conglomerate (Gawker Media) and they do professional work at a high volume.
Deadspin isn't a daily stop for me, but it is regular stop. I particularly like their daily "Blogdome" feature, in which they round up a half dozen or so amusing or interesting columns or posts from elsewhere on the web. If their one-sentence write-up is intriguing enough, I follow the link.
I followed one such link back in February, where a blogger picked apart a Bill Simmons basketball column.
The post created a firestorm of 66 comments (you have to click on the comments link to see them), a great number of which took the blogger to task, accusing him of jealousy and suggesting he get a life in the harshest terms possible.
Huh, I thought, Deadspin traffic sure brings in some riff-raff, and then I forget about it.
Then, about a month later, Deadspin linked to yet another blog with a post up about Simmons. It had to do with Simmons' wife using the same metaphor about using a Scrabble piece upside-down so it appears to be a blank that Simmons used in another column. It could scarcely even be called a criticism — a mild jab is more like it; a facetious accusation of Simmons ghosting for his wife.
And yet, once again, comments like these from Simmons supporters:
"Holy s**t dude, get a life.
Just... wow.
And I ain't no Simmons defender, either. Go outside and get some fresh air, homey. Look at the clouds for a minute."
Now, please, I beseech you, go read the column in question and ask yourself if the tone of that comment, or others like it, are anywhere near merited by the column in question.
Reading that made me remember the first column l linked to above, because now I am wondering if there's anything to this phenomena.
After all, when they rip on Simmons on Deadspin itself, people don't jump to his defense, they just good-naturedly try to out one-line each other just like they do on every Deadspin post.
But posts about Simmons on other sites linked by Deadspin get reamed. Why?
It hit me like a ton of bricks. You know how Simmons makes frequent mention of his gigantic entourage of friends — J-Poo, Bip Bip, K-K eith, and Jerky, or whomever.
I asked you at the top of the column if you knew of Deadspin, but ... really, I have to think you do, mon. They are BIG. If you are big into sports and irreverent humor, and surf the web, you know it's the preeminent entity on the Internet except perhaps for Simmons himself.
Simmons and his crew almost certainly read Deadspin. I'd bet my house on it. And if someone picked on your friend, wouldn't you want to defend him? Especially if you were a muscle-headed hanger-on with a frat boy's sense of humor and loyalty?
Most of the vitriolic comments come from bravely anonymous commenters, or profiles obviously thrown together so they could comment on other people's blogs. On Deadspin, you have to be invited in order to comment, and they don't give out invitations on demand.
Sure enough, I looked up more Deadspin links to columns about the Sports Guy (here, here, and here) and the Simmons defenders come out of the woodwork without fail (you often have to scroll to the bottom of the comments to find them; it takes awhile for the muscleheads to figure out the compooter). The telltale signs:
- As mentioned, a level of angry indignation that is so far removed from the tone of the post in question that it just looks strange ... and amusing.
- Accusations of jealousy of Simmons. Particularly "transparent" jealousy.
- A vulgar request for the blogger/columnist to get a life.
- A vulgar suggestion that the blogger/columnist is untalented, unlike Simmons.
- (This is my favorite.) A disclaimer that, in spite of bothering to go through some or all of steps 1-4, that the commenter is no particular fan of Simmons. Way to throw us off the scent there.
You could make a drinking game out of it, it's so reliable. I only hope that Deadspin discovers this column and links to it. That way, either Simmons' buddies will start angrily defending him in the comments below, proving my point, or they will realize the jig is up and stop. Win/win.
But how can I get linked by Deadspin? How do they find their blogdome features? Perhaps they put some key words into Google and see what it brings back. What key words can I throw in that will appeal to Deadspin editors? Hmmmm. Let's try:
John Amaechi Leather Carl Monday Billy Packer I'm the chick who got Harold Reynolds fired Barbaro.
But even if Deadspin does hook me up, will the Sports Guy entourage even possibly respond if I don't bag on their boy? Their overrated, one-note has-been of a boy? Their plagiarizing, joke-recycling, stale act, irreverent-turned-irrelevant boy? Did I mention that shortly after the Scrabble piece above, an item appeared in The Sports Guy mailbag asking (nicely) the same question about it? Simmons answered, starting with, "I'm glad you asked that question." Of course you are. What a coincidence! What a fraud!
Whatever. You're just jealous because you're not as good as he is. Get a life, you self-loathing monkey-fornicator! I hate you and everybody who ever liked you.
Anyway, I don’t really like him either.
(Actually, I do. But you're cool, too. Damn frat boys.)