Dolphins Fans Get What They Deserve

"The most humiliating and demeaning experience of my life."

That's how one Miami Dolphins fan described Don Shula's 80th birthday party and the season-ticket holders that were there are irate. Why? As far as I can tell, they are irate because God didn't bless them with enough intelligence to avoid paying to go to lame functions.

Eighty fans were randomly selected to pay $80 to attend Shula's 80th birthday party (oh, that's cute, see what they did with the 80s?). The fans were upset because the VIPs, you know, the people the party was for, got to sit in the main area and had a nice dinner. The fans were relegated to a balcony and were fed partly-cooked hot dogs.

I can understand why that would upset people. Especially because the answer from the Dolphins is amazingly weak. They claim they told the fans they would be on the balcony and that food was never part of the deal. So they were selling tickets, at $80 bucks a pop, to watch a birthday party. That may be one of the most arrogant, douchiest things I've heard a sports team doing this year.

Paying money to go to that, though, is the douchiest thing I've heard a sports fan doing this year. Why would you ever expect to get the same treatment as the VIPs at a party you had to pay to go to? They are VIPs for a reason. They should have just labeled the two groups "people at the party who were supposed to be there" and the NIPs.

Does someone pay for that for an ego boost? For the story?

"Hey, man, you'll never guess what I did this weekend, it was wild. I went to the 80th birthday party of a man I've never met. There were so many celebrities there, oh man, we sang happy birthday, it was wild. Better than Vegas. What's that you say? You don't believe I was there? Ha, I've got proof. Let me show you my receipt..."

It's sad that 80 people would want to do this, but I think the line wouldn't even stop there. What if they started selling tickets to other events?

"I just bought second-level seats to Shula's daughter's wedding!!!"

"Dude, that's neat, but I just nabbed tickets to [Tony] Sparano's nephew's First Communion party."

About the only parties fans should be buying tickets for are the ones at the Playboy Mansion. And I say that only because I've been (hey, look at me, I've been to Playboy Mansion! I'm so cool!) and from what I hear, people that do buy the limited tickets to those things are treated fairly well. And at least that's a story you can tell people. "Hey, I was at the Playboy Mansion" is infinitely better than "hey, I was at an old man's birthday party!"

Those fans can be upset but they should be happy, because this can serve as a wakeup call that their lives are sad and pathetic. It's not too late for them to turn it around and do something great. And when they do, they can charge admission to their own birthday parties.

Comments and Conversation

January 9, 2010


Lol….nice article Mark….as a lifelong Dolphin fan…I can see .”.initially” where, going to Don Shula’s birthday party would sound great…..but then think about it…..any 80 yr old’s b-day party is going to be kinda lame and thats if you are invited…let alone when you have to win a chance to buy a ticket…..those people got exactly what they paid for…..the right to be laughed at….

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