Thursday, May 13, 2010
Green Power Ranger … MMA Fighter?
The Green Power Ranger is making his debut with a legitimate mixed martial arts organization on May 22 in an amateur bout. Apparently, the Green Power Ranger has had three amateur bouts already and has won all three. Why didn't anyone tell me the Green Power Ranger was a cage fighter? I demand a reality TV show immediately.
In case you are the least cool person ever or grew up poor on a farm, the Power Rangers was a TV show in the early 1990s. A bunch of maladjusted kids dressed in suits and helmets fought a bunch of aliens while also going to high school. They had monster trucks with personalities that form together to make a giant transformer. It was like "Saved by the Bell" with karate.
The Green Ranger has a real name, but it's not important. If you were part of a hit children's television series (he appeared in 243 episodes and two feature length films) and you wanted to be a pro athlete, why would you not embrace that?
TGR goes by the nickname "Fearless Frank." Really? The organization that he's fighting in (the UWC, think of it as a first-class minor league UFC) sent a press release out with the subject "Former Power Ranger makes debut" and he's going to go by "Fearless Frank?"
He's like the annoying guy that gives himself a nickname.
"Hey guys, my name is Bruiser now. Don't call me Jason, my name is Bruiser."
Dude, you're the Green Power Ranger. Get on board already. You should use the "Go, Go, Power Ranger" theme song as your entrance music. You should wear the costume to the cage. You should even have a Zord as one of your corner guys.
If you're not going to make it as a legitimate fighter (and he probably won't, since he's in his late 30s), maximize your earning potential and embrace this whole thing. He stands to make a lot more money as a sideshow and as the Green Power Ranger than he does as "Fearless Frank," the amateur MMA fighter.
We have washed-up celebrities today who are famous for doing far less. Kim Kardashian got like 12 seasons of a reality TV show and she's only famous for fornication skills. Kate Gosselin has reality TV shows lined up and she's only famous for being a bitch who happens to have eight kids. You're telling me someone wouldn't watch a reality TV show about a former Power Ranger making a go of it as a professional athlete?
Who is in his entourage? How much tail can he pull dropping the Power Rangers line in bars? I've been to bars with guys who had a cup of coffee on a pro sports team and they play that to the hilt. I gotta imagine the Green Power Ranger could use his cache to get more than a few coeds on his Dragon Dagger.
How great would this show be? One of his first opponents came to the ring wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume. And the Green Ranger kicked his ass (first-round knockout). This would be the definition of appointment TV.
Even still, he seems to be distancing himself from the whole sideshow thing, which is disappointing.
"I know I have a target on my back. Everyone wants to beat up the Green Ranger. But I am no Kimbo. I've been training for a long time and know how to handle myself in the cage," he said in the press release.
For non-MMA fans, the Kimbo he references is Kimbo Slice, who has had a brief fighting career based on his YouTube videos of street fights. So he's right in that regard, he's not like Kimbo. The people Kimbo fought were real. The comparison to Kimbo Slice would only be applicable if TGR was planning to fight an alien ninja in the cage.
He needs to stop trying to be legit and start putting together the matches we want to see. First, The Green Ranger vs. another '90s TV icon, Screech from "Saved by the Bell." Dustin Diamond is a media whore and has done some celebrity-boxing, so he has a bit of fight training. I would actually pay some money (probably not more than $20, but still) to see The Green Ranger put Screech in a choke hold.
He could have Carmen Sandiego has one of his ring girls. He could set up another match with a guy that could dress like The Tick or with one of the old Gladiators. The nostalgia factor alone would make him a big draw, and thus financially stable.
Instead, he's trying to be legit. He's trying to do it the honorable way. He even has his own Christian-based MMA clothing company called "Jesus Didn't Tap." First, I'm not sure Jesus even knew he was in a match. Second, even if he didn't tap, he still got his ass kicked. I'm not sure what he's going for there. If Jesus' fight went to decision, I'm pretty sure the judges aren't giving him any points. I haven't read my bible in awhile, but I don't remember Jesus getting in a single shot at any point in a physical altercation. Maybe not the best role model for your fighting company.
That's the problem. He just doesn't get it. And that's why he'll never make the Power Coin as an MMA fighter.