Friday, January 6, 2012

Foul Territory: Movers and Shakers

By Jeffrey Boswell

* I Quit Match, or Ex'd Big Thing — Brock Lesnar announced his retirement from the UFC immediately after a round 1 TKO loss to Alistair Overeem at UFC 141. Lesnar will likely become the first athlete to parlay a devastating defeat in the octagon into a title shot at WrestleMania.

* "Money" Don't “Walk," or if He's Not Careful, His Next Fight May Result in Him Wearing a Purse, and Not Earning One — Floyd Mayweather, Jr. began serving his three-month jail sentence on Friday at the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas. A Mayweather/Manny Pacquiao bout could still happen as early as November, but it's not likely, as Mayweather said he'd prefer not to mention the word “train" while incarcerated. He did, however, say he will feel uniquely qualified to make a cameo in The Hangover 3.

* It's O'er, the Ram Parts — Steve Spagnuolo was fired by the St. Louis Rams on Monday, one day after the Rams concluded a 2-14 season, tied for the worst in the NFL. Spagnuolo was 10-38 in three seasons in St. Louis. He said he'd never forget his time in St. Louis, while everyone else affiliated with the team said they would do just the opposite.

* Man Overboard, or Sea Ya — The Tampa Bay Buccaneers fired head coach Raheem Morris and his entire staff on Monday after a disappointing 4-12 campaign, including 10 consecutive losses to end the year. Bucs owner Malcolm Glazer is concentrating his search for a new head coach on candidates whose first names don't sound like a rapper's.

* Brass Exodus, or Like Father, Like Son, or as Luck Would Have it — The Indianapolis Colts fired vice chairman Bill Polian and his son Chris, the team's general manager, on Monday. Peyton Manning said he was “stunned" and “surprised" by the decision. It seems the Colts felt it necessary to get rid of two “Polians" to make room for two franchise quarterbacks.

* Anger Management, or Double A(Hole) Baseball — The Chicago Cubs traded volatile right-hander Carlos Zambrano to the Miami Marlins for right-handed pitcher Chris Volstad. Zambrano will pitch for friend and former Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, who, more than anyone, knows crazy when he sees it.

* Advantage: Ambiguous Statements, or Love: Hate — Serena Williams said she “doesn't love tennis," but has no intention of giving up the sport, and that she “can't live without it." Not surprisingly, Williams later said she didn't remember saying those things. It was an uncharacteristic outburst from Williams, as she's often expected to go off on meek line judges, and not on tangents.

* Terry, Terry, Why Ya' Buggin'?, Or Disappearing Act — Terry Bradshaw said the Jets should cut Santonio Holmes, who was benched in New York's final game after arguing with teammate Wayne Hunter in the huddle. Holmes has lost virtually all support within the Jets organization, and, unlike his early days in Belle Glade, Florida, no one's buying what he's selling.

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