Saturday, April 7, 2012

Foul Territory: Drug Users, Bounty Abusers

By Jeffrey Boswell

* Centerpiece of Attention, or Magic Man-ipulate — Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy said Dwight Howard wants him fired, according to team management. Van Gundy said he will under no circumstances resign, because one quitter on the team is enough.

* No Rest For the Wicked — Gregg Williams urged Saints players to injure 49ers in a pre-game speech before their January playoff game, according to footage from documentary filmmaker Sean Pamphilon. Williams also implied that he would pay the bounty for a hit on San Francisco quarterback Alex Smith. Williams' motivational speech, however heinous, apparently wasn't good enough to spur the Saints to the win, but it did, surprisingly, spark a few revolutions in the Middle East.

* Kentucky Reign-Out, or Fair Well — Kentucky beat Kansas 67-59 on Monday night to win the NCAA championship in New Orleans. The Wildcats completed a 38-2 season on the way to the school's eighth title. Most of the Wildcat's starters are expected to skip their remaining years of eligibility, as well as the rest of the spring semester.

* Rx in Effect, or No. 2 NFL Pick, Public Enemy No. 1, Turning Over the Same Leaf — Ryan Leaf was arrested on Monday for the second time in three days, charged with burglarizing a home and stealing prescription drugs. When confronted, Leaf asked police, "Is this some kind of bust?" Police quickly replied, "Yes, especially to the San Diego Chargers."

* Say it Ain't So, Joe — Joe Flacco told a Baltimore radio station on Tuesday that he thinks he is the "best" quarterback in the NFL. Flacco also said he still thinks Muhammad Ali is the "greatest."

* Wonder-Lack, or and Everyone Thought Vince Young Couldn't Be Made to Look Like a Genius — Former LSU cornerback Morris Claiborne scored a 4 out 50 on the Wonderlic test. Claiborne is the highest-rated cornerback in the NFL draft, but, unfortunately for him, once the 2012 season starts, he's likely to be tested often.

* Truck of the Irish, or Juggernauts — The Baylor women completed an undefeated season, whipping Notre Dame 80-61 to win the NCAA championship. The Bears finished 40-0 to become the first women's team to go undefeated. Like the Kentucky men's team, the Baylor women plan to graduate to bigger and better things: they'll just do so with a college degree.

* The Lions Just Clinched the THC North Division, or For the Lions, This Problem is Becoming "Chronic" — Detroit Lions defensive tackle Nick Fairly was arrested Tuesday in Mobile, Alabama on a second-degree marijuana possession charge. Fairly is the second Lion to face a marijuana charge in less than a month, as running back Mikel Leshoure was busted eating marijuana during a traffic stop in Michigan on March 12. In related news, it was learned that Kid Rock holds his season tickets with a roach clip.

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