Saturday, June 2, 2012
Foul Territory: It’s Slammer Time!
* Let's Get Ready to Humble — Floyd Mayweather, Jr. began his 87-day jail term in Las Vegas on Friday for domestic battery charges. Mayweather has won a multitude of belts in his illustrious career, and plans to wear all of them while incarcerated.
* Slim Pickings, or Finally, It's a "Bounty" New Orleans Can Embrace — The New Orleans Hornets won the NBA's draft lottery on Wednesday night, earning the first pick in the June 28th draft, in which they are expected to select Anthony Davis. Davis said he'd like the chance to "stop Kobe Bryant," which probably wouldn't be the first time a 19-year-old has said that.
* French Lick, or Clay Achin', or She Got Served — Serena Williams lost in the first round at the French Open on Monday, her first-ever loss in a Grand Slam opener. Williams lost 4-6, 7-6 (5), 6-3 to 111th-ranked Virginia Razzano of France. In related news, Sir Mixalot lost all interest in the French Open.
* Read it and Weep — The New Orleans Saints had a ledger that tracked bounty earnings according to sources familiar with the NFL's investigation. The league showed portions of the ledger to players who have been investigated in the scandal, making it the second time the NFL has thrown the book at Saints players.
* The Doc is Out, or Roger Clemens is Amazed, That a Pitcher Can Heal Naturally — Roy Halladay is expected to miss 6-8 weeks to recover from a right latissimus dorsi strain, an injury that will not require surgery. In pitching circles, "latissimus dorsi" is a large muscle in the back. In Roger Clemens circles, "Latissimus Dorsi" is a shady Italian doctor willing to testify on Clemens' behalf but who has mysteriously disappeared.
* It's Unclear Who'll Have Higher Ratings, Nielsen or Miami Quarterbacks — The Miami Dolphins agreed to appear on HBO's "Hard Knocks," which will chronicle their 2012 preseason, the first under new head coach Joe Philbin. The first episode airs on August 7th, with four episodes to follow, which means, as many expect, the 'Fins season will be over before it started.
* They Fired Them Some You, or He's Going Deep, and Deeper Into Debt, or He Vowed He Could Sell Tickets, and May Have to — Terrell Owens was released on Monday by the Allen Wranglers of the Indoor Football League, and Owens' ownership stake in the franchise was also terminated because he violated the terms of his contract. It all begs the question: if Owens gives a workout open to the public and no one is watching, does it make a sound?
* The Jordan Rules (Out) — The Charlotte Bobcats will continue their search for a new head coach after owner Michael Jordan told Patrick Ewing he didn't make the cut. Surprisingly, Ewing rejoiced, because everyone knows that when Jordan picks a big man, it leads to certain failure.
* That's a Pay Cut at Some Schools — Steve Spurrier said college football players should be paid $3,500-$4,000 per year to cover expenses. Spurrier's idea is slightly different than "pay to play" programs he administered at other schools, such as the "pay to play dumb," in which players were paid, but said they weren't.