Friday, August 3, 2012

Olympian Tweets We’d Like to See

By Jeffrey Boswell

For better or for worse, London's games will be known as the "Twitter Olympics," and never has the information superhighway been littered with more detritus. With it has come the rise of a possible new sport, "synchronized racism," as well as Twitter feuds, and a surfeit of uninteresting Tweets.

To all the Twitter fiends in London, please, tell us something we want to hear.

* The Badminton World Federation, which banned eight female doubles players for trying to lose matches in order to receive a more favorable place in the tournament: "You go girls! #Shuttlecock-blocked."

* Greek triple jumper Voula Papachristou: "My apologies. Incorporating mosquitoes within a racist tweet is certainly repellant. #There's career suicide, and there's career insecticide."

* United States men's gymnastics team, after faltering in the all-around competition left them dejected: "We've fallen, and can't get up. #We stick landings like the Hindenberg."

* Kim Rhode, skeet shooting gold medalist in five-straight Olympic Games: "I have a very particular set of skills, skills that I have acquired over a long career. #Liam Neeson. #Clay-pigeonholed. #I call shotgun."

* Michael Phelps, all-time Olympic medalist: "I'm like marijuana — I go better in water. #hash. #If I get too high, I have to do the American crawl. #I am legend."

* United States women's gymnastics team, winners of the all-around gold: "We showed the world what we're made of, and so did our uniforms. #Is there a draft?"

* Hope Solo: "Just apologized to Brandi Chastain. Felt so good, I took off my shirt. #Blow my top."

* Kobe Bryant: "Don't mind taking backseat to '92 Dream Team. Also don't mind taking back doors. #I just made another settlement."

* Kristin Armstrong, who won her second straight cycling Olympic time trial gold on Wednesday: "@IOC doping agency: no relation to Lance Armstrong. #No testosterone, but plenty of balls."

* John Leonard, executive director of the American Swim Coaches Association, who alleged that Chinese teenager Ye Shiwen is on performance-enhancing drugs: "Ye puts the 'he' in 'she.' #Chinese hypocrisy."

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