Friday, January 25, 2013

Foul Territory: To Speak or Not to Speak

By Jeffrey Boswell

* Gullible's Travels, or Schmuck of the Irish, or Man' U (R A Sucker) – Manti Te'o's interview with Katie Couric aired on Thursday on Couric's syndicated daytime talk show. Te'o was thankful for the chance to tell his side of the story, and even more grateful for the chance to talk to a real woman.

* What's Better Than Getting KO'ed By a Saint? Getting OK'ed By the Commissioner – Sean Payton was reinstated by the NFL on Tuesday after a season-long suspension for his role in the Saints bounty program. Payton urged the people of New Orleans to hold no ill will towards Roger Goodell, thus becoming the latest Saint to tell a lie.

* Kick a Man When You're Down – Tom Brady apologized to Ed Reed after he kicked Reed on a slide early in the second half of the Ravens' 28-13 win in the AFC championship game. Brady said he "meant no offense," and neither did the Patriots in the second half.

* Slurred it Through Grapevine – Dallas Cowboys nose tackle Jay Ratliff was arrested and charged with driving while impaired in Grapevine, Texas after he crashed his pickup truck into an 18-wheeler early Tuesday. Ratliff, in typical Cowboy fashion, apparently lost control when he saw the playoffs approaching.

* G.M. Punk'd, or Kup' Yours! – Los Angeles Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak said that root of the team's problems is the team's effort, and not head coach Mike D'Antoni. As such, the Lakers continued to lead the NBA in points (of fingers).

* Hungry For More, or the Weight is Over, Fat Back, or He's Giving Up Second Helpings For a Second Chance – JaMarcus Russell is planning a comeback attempt that he hopes will see him return to the NFL. Russell last played in 2009 for the Oakland Raiders. He currently weighs 308 pounds, so, regardless of his comeback outcome, Russell already has two big "busts."

* Intentional Fowl, or Name Droppers – The New Orleans Hornets will officially change their nickname to the Pelicans starting with the 2013-14 season. Fans applauded the change, many of whom said they agree with giving the team the bird.

* Coach K Really Needs a Hug Now, or Spank of the Devil, or Duke Played With a Devil May Not Care Attitude – Miami routed No. 1 Duke, 90-63, on Wednesday, handing the Blue Devils the worst loss ever for a No. 1 team. Thousands of Hurricane "boosters" stormed the court, leading the NCAA to launch an immediate investigation.

* Open and Shut, or to Would Be Presumptuous to Think That Patriots Players Should Silence Their Wives, Because Everybody Knows You Have to Learn to Control Your Gag Reflex – Wes Welker's wife, Anna Welker, apologized for some derogatory comments about Ray Lewis she made on Twitter after New England's 28-13 loss to Baltimore in the AFC title game. In honor of Lewis, Wes Welker retired his wife's Twitter account.

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