Foul Territory: Gun Shots, Nut Shots, and Parting Shots

* "Safety" Just Became Even More Important in NASCAR, or the Race is Being Billed "All Turns Left, Second Amendment Rights" — The National Rifle Association will sponsor NASCAR's Sprint Cup race in Texas on April 13th. Reportedly, fans who arrive at the gate half-cocked will receive a free magazine.

* "Pop" Fly, or Bad Hop, or 7th Inning Stretcher — New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman broke his ankle while skydiving in Florida on Monday. Cashman became the first Yankee to experience free fall since the whole team did it in last season's ALCS.

* She-Maled it in, or Bear-Ly Impressive — Baylor's Brittney Griner scored a Big 12 record 50 points, including a dunk, in the Bears' 90-68 win over Kansas State. The performance begs the question: could Griner play in the NBA? Hopefully, everyone will beg for the answer "No." Meanwhile, Magic Johnson offered Griner $1,000,000 not to dunk again.

* Ibaka Flocka Flame, or Nuts and Thunder, or Ball Control Foul — Kobe Bryant said he would have "smacked" Serge Ibaka had the Thunder forward hit him in the crotch as he did Blake Griffin on Sunday. Bryant said his feeling reminded him of a certain night in Denver some years ago, because he wanted to "slap that ass."

* Yes We Spo-kane — Gonzaga topped the Associated Press top 25 men's basketball poll for the first time in school history, just ahead of Indiana. When asked how many weeks they expected to remain atop the poll, Gonzaga players "quoted" their coach and said a "Few."

* He Left His Heart in San Diego, As Well as a Few Needles, or Lights Outahere — Buffalo Bills linebacker Shawne Merriman announced his retirement from the NFL on Tuesday after an eight-year career. Merriman's retirement reminded many Bills fans of the departure of O.J. Simpson in 1978, when the "Juice" left town.

* Swing and a Mis-Take — Rory McIlroy told Sports Illustrated that quitting after going 7-over after eight holes in the second round of the Honda Classic was a mistake. In his defense, McIlroy wasn't lying when he said he had "better" things to do.

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