Saturday, April 27, 2013

Foul Territory: Arresting Developments

By Jeffrey Boswell

* Do You Believe in Manacles? Yessss!!! Or Michaels on "Ice" — Al Michaels was arrested and charged with a DUI last Friday in Southern California. Michaels can now add "police" to the list of stations with which he's been affiliated. When informed of the story, former Green Bay Packer Antonio Freeman said, "he did what?!"

* Ivanovic is Serbian, So He Almost Tasted Like "Chechnyan" — Liverpool forward Luis Suarez received a 10-match ban for biting Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic during a Premier League match on Sunday. In his defense, Suarez said he's always liked his soccer with a European flavor.

* Unlike Anything John Calipari's Done, This is Permanent — Louisville's Rick Pitino fulfilled a promise to his team and got a tattoo on his back commemorating the Cardinals national championship. It's certainly not the first time someone affiliated with Louisville basketball was asked to lie face down on a table.

* Is There a Draft in Here? — The Kansas City Chiefs selected Central Michigan offensive lineman Eric Fisher with the first pick in Thursday's NFL draft. It's the most glad-handing Roger Goodell's done since the owner's meetings.

* It's Not Quite Deer Antler Spray, But Pepper Spray Will Do, or That's "Po,'" Raven — Baltimore Ravens linebacker Rolando McClain was arrested on Sunday in Decatur, Alabama on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest after a disturbance at a park. It's the fastest any linebacker has gone from outside to "inside."

* All Up in Their Grill, or the Little Engine That Could (Not Have Without Cheating) — NASCAR docked Matt Kenseth 50 points and fined crew chief Jason Ratliff $200,000 after his engine failed a post-race inspection following the STP 400 at Kansas Motor Speedway. It was likely the most thorough inspection in history, yet no weapons of mass destruction were found.

* This Should Get the Fans Out of Their Seats — The New York Knicks J.R. Smith won the NBA's Sixth Man of the Year Award on Sunday, beating out Indiana's Jamal Crawford for the honor. To commemorate the occasion, Smith got another tattoo, this time on his rear end.

* College Football Playoffs?! Playoffs?! You're Calling it College Football Playoffs?! — The NCAA will call its new four-team playoff, which starts after the 2014 regular season, the "College Football Playoffs." In this case, the NCAA obviously showed nowhere near the amount of creativity they did in the University of Miami investigation.

* Texas "Toast" — The first championship game of the College Football Playoffs will be held at Cowboys Stadium. It's the best reason yet for Jerry Jones to hang a banner in the stadium.

* The Biggest Hit He Made Last Year Was on the Salary Cap — The Cincinnati Bengals signed free agent and former Pittsburgh Steeler linebacker James Harrison to a two-year deal. Unlike former Bengals Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens, Harrison is expected to cause headaches for opponents.

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