Next Stops For Tim Tebow?
May 2, 2013 by Jeffrey Boswell • Print Story •
Tim Tebow's release from the New York Jets has left him without a team, but all is not lost. Now is the perfect time for Tebow to open a new chapter is his life, because, let's face it, a new start is probably the only start he can expect these days.
* Quarterbacks coach at Oral Roberts University: What's that, you say? Oral Roberts doesn't even field a football team? Exactly.
* Wall Street broker: Tebow knows a good deal when he sees one — it usually involves giving a lot to get a little. With that knowledge, he could do the exact opposite and make a fortune.
* Backup quarterback for the San Diego Chargers: Tebow would essentially be a Charger for one reason, and one reason only: so Manti T'eo could tell a real quarterback from a fake one.
* Parking valet: what does Tebow need more than anything? Tips! Sure, most will be monetary, but if he's lucky, some drivers will offer quarterbacking advice. Here's hoping Mark Sanchez is willing to park his own car.
* New York waiter: Obviously, Tebow already has a full year's worth of experience waiting in New York. And, now that he's out of a job, it's the perfect way for him to put food on the table.
* New York Yankees left-handed reliever: It may not look like it, but Joe Girardi has more "guts" than Rex Ryan. Rest assured, Girardi, unlike his chubby counterpart, would not be afraid to go to the lefty.
* Contestant on the updated Punk'd, hosted by Rex Ryan: There's this thing called déjà vu; there's another thing called déjà FU. Tebow would experience both on the groundbreaking show.
* Hearse driver for funeral home: Tebow surely knows how to ride the pine; now he gets to drive it.
* Sacrificial virgin: There must be a primitive Mayan tribe somewhere looking for a virgin to sacrifice to their gods. And I'm sure they'd be willing to pay handsomely for Tebow's services. It's the perfect gig for Tebow; if he gets tossed into a volcano, he be spit right back out, unharmed, because he's not a sacrificial virgin, he's a superficial one.