Saturday, June 8, 2013

Foul Territory: Feet in Mouth, Pot in Mail

By Jeffrey Boswell

* It's Not Exactly a Flaming Endorsement — In an interview with The Oklahoman on Monday, Adrian Peterson said he would be okay with a gay teammate. However, the mere mention of the subject made Peterson long for the good old days, when players went both ways.

* "Swoosh" Is Also the Sound a Nine Iron Makes When It's Swung At Your Head, or Nike is Hoping That Tiger Will Take These Vows Seriously — Nike and Tiger Woods are close to finalizing an endorsement deal that would keep him as golf's highest-paid endorser. Now "Tiger Woods" will be on more merchandise than women. It's also widely believed to be Woods' last "major."

* Ex-Communication, or He May Not Be Absolved of His Sins, But He Was Absolved of His Job, or Baptism By Fire — Ohio State president Gordon Gee announced his retirement, just days after his December 2012 comments criticizing Notre Dame and other institutions were made public. Surprisingly, Gee said he's looking forward to his time in purgatory, mainly since the OSU football team plays its home games there.

* Communication Breakdown — Bill Callahan said he will call plays for the Dallas Cowboys in 2013. So, while Callahan will put in his two cents worth, Jerry Jones will still put in his $2 billion worth.

* It's a Situation That's Gaining Interest, or Loan Shirk — NFL agent Drew Rosenhaus filed a grievance against the Eagles' DeSean Jackson, alleging his former client owes him more than $400,000 in unpaid loans. Jackson fired Rosenhaus and is considering signing with Roc Nation Sports, the agency owned by rapper Jay-Z. There may be no reason for Jackson firing Rosenhaus, but apparently, there is "rhyme."

* This Story's Juicier Than the BALCO Scandal, or Lance Armstrong Calls it a Tour De Force of Drug Scandals — Major League Baseball will likely suspend Alex Rodriguez, Ryan Braun, and others connected to the PED scandal at Biogenesis clinic in Miami, according to an ESPN "Outside the Lines" report. Discipline will be handed out, as well as asterisks. No one knows exactly how many players will be suspended, but those with knowledge of the case say it's a "ball park figure." The story puts the "Genesis" in "Biogenesis," because this is the "beginning" of the end for many players.

* He Throws Heat, But Blows Smoke — Agents are investigating a possible marijuana shipment mailed to the home of Cleveland Indians closer Chris Perez. The hard-throwing Perez, now more than ever, is known for his "blazing" fastball.

* Pinched Hitter — Former Los Angeles Dodger Milton Bradley was convicted on Monday of abusing his estranged wife. He could face over seven years in prison at his sentencing in July. If there's a prison holding Milton Bradley, then that prison would have to be called "Has Bro.'"

* Girls on Top — Oklahoma swept Tennessee to capture the Women's College World Series in Oklahoma City. There's a sexist remark to be made here, but that would be underhanded.

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