Friday, June 14, 2013

Foul Territory: High Heat and Low-Lifes

By Jeffrey Boswell

* Chick Magnet, He's Still a Virgin (to Good Quarterbacking) — Tim Tebow signed a two-year deal with the New England Patriots on Monday. Bill Belichick plans to use Tebow in a variety of manners, but mostly to prove to Rob Gronkowski that you can have a useless left arm and still contribute.

* He Said "Put it There" and Surprisingly, Garcia Realized "It" Wasn't His Foot and "There" Wasn't His Mouth — Tiger Woods and Sergio Garcia shook hands at the driving range at Merion Golf Club in an act that may have possibly signaled a truce to their running feud. Or it merely could have been meaningless, because Garcia always "shakes" in Woods' presence.

* Butt Your Honor! — Chad Johnson had his plea deal thrown out and was sentenced to 30 days in jail after he patted his defense lawyer on the butt. Despite the setback, Johnson boasted that it was the first time he's "got behind" a defender in the last five years.

* Chin Musical — The Diamondbacks and Dodgers brawled on Tuesday night after six hit batters resulted in a lengthy bench-clearing scrum that lasted led to six ejections. It's further evidence that even baseball fights are on PEDs.

* Pick and Roll — The Brooklyn Nets hired Jason Kidd as head coach on Wednesday. Kidd has no prior coaching experience, much as Deron Williams has no prior coach-hiring experience.

* Panama Corral — The United State shut out Panama 2-0 in a World Cup qualifier on Tuesday in Seattle. It was the most thorough butchering of "Panama" since the last Van Halen reunion.

* Just Because He Was On Sirius Doesn't Mean He Was Serious — Brett Favre told Sirius XM NFL Radio that Aaron Rodgers will "shatter" his Green Bay passing records. Many, including Rodgers, were surprised by Favre's decision to "show some love" was not followed by an explicit text message.

* Somebody Rubbed it the Wrong Way — The Clemson University's iconic Howard's Rock at Memorial Stadium was vandalized, leaving a sizable piece of the rock missing. It was the biggest chunk taken out of Clemson since Woody Hayes in the 1978 Gator Bowl.

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