Friday, April 11, 2014

Foul Territory: Pins and Needles

By Jeffrey Boswell

* When the Raiders Say They Need to Spend Money on the "Black Hole," They May Not Be Referring to O.Co. Stadium — Johnny Manziel visited the Oakland Raiders, who have the fifth pick in April's NFL Draft. Manziel, forecast to be a top-10 pick, is expected to make more with one signature in the NFL than he did with all of his signatures in college.

* Going, Going, Gone (That is, The Baseballs, Out of the Stadium, Not Braun, Out of Baseball) — Milwaukee Brewers slugger Ryan Braun blasted 3 home runs and drove in 7 runs in a 10-4 win at Philadelphia on Tuesday. When asked about it, Braun said he felt like he was hitting the ball off a tee. Or, to use another golf analogy, he had a "good lie."

* Pros and UConn,or UConn Territory, or Anarchy on the UK — Connecticut beat Kentucky 60-54 on Monday to claim the NCAA Men's Championship. Following the game, Shabazz Napier verbally chided the NCAA for banning the Huskies from last year's tournament for low test scores. Napier received an "F" for humility.

* 40 and Oh!, or Girls, Undefeated — The Connecticut women capped off an undefeated season with a 79-58 win over Notre Dame to win the women's NCAA championship. The Huskies recorded 25 assists as a team, proving that despite the UConn men's graduation rate, there is some passing in Storrs, Connecticut.

* They Flipped the Script, That Was Out of Character, or Pin State, Dead Man Sulking — The Undertaker lost for the first time at WrestleMania on Sunday when he lost to Brock Lesnar. It was the Undertaker's first loss in 22 WrestleMania matches. Most people reacted with shock to the 'Taker's loss, with many saying, "You can't be for real!"

* No. 1 With a "Gun," or He's Got Range, While Some Other Knicks Guards Are on the Range — The Knicks' J.R. Smith set an NBA record with 22 three-point attempts in New York's 102-91 loss to the Heat on Sunday. Raymond Felton's wife spoke for everyone when she screamed "Don't shoot!"

* Say it Ain't, So-So Joe, or Pist-On, Pist-Off — Joe Dumars resigned as general manager of the Detroit Pistons on Wednesday. Dumars joined Isaiah Thomas on the list of former Pistons to run a team, into the ground.

* It Was the Shot Heard 'Round the World, Until Jose Canseco Started Giving "Shots" 'Round the Ass — Major League Baseball celebrated the 40th anniversary of Henry Aaron's 715th home run on April 8th. Reigning home run king Barry Bonds commended Aaron by saying, "You creamed 755 balls, and they all cleared the fence."

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