Thursday, May 15, 2014

Foul Territory: White Supreme Assist?

By Jeffrey Boswell

* Train Wrecks, Lies, and Videotape, or if Donald Sterling Could Pass Like Magic Johnson, Would it Be Called a "White Supreme Assist?" — Donald Sterling told Anderson Cooper that he's "not racist" in an interview that aired Monday on CNN. Ironically, the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers didn't "own" up to anything.

* He's the Shirt, or Johnny Retail — Johnny Manziel's No. 2 Cleveland Browns jersey is the top-selling jersey on NFLshop.com since April 1st. The jersey is made by Nike, not Starter, as Manziel contends.

* He Annexed the Goal Crease — Vladimir Putin scored 6 goals and recorded 5 assists in an exhibition hockey game in Sochi on Sunday. As Al Michaels once said: "Do you believe in politically-staged, unrealistic, super-human feats of athletic prowess? Yess!"

* He isn't Used to Umpires Saying "Strike 3," or Exiled Thing — Former Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Mitch Williams was ejected from his kids' baseball game after a profanity-laced tirade at a tournament in Aberdeen, Maryland on Saturday. After he was ejected, the reliever known as "Wild Thing" had trouble finding "home."

* Heckuva Job, Brownie, Or Baseball Had "Oil Can" Boyd; Basketball Has "Two Can" Brown — The Cleveland Cavaliers fired head coach Mike Brown for the second time in four years. When asked if he would ever return as head coach to Cleveland, Brown said he would follow the example set by the team, and "not make the same mistake twice."

* Cue Eminem's "Stan" as Entrance Music — The Detroit Pistons signed Stan Van Gundy as coach and president of basketball operations. Van Gundy said he's looking forward to being a Piston in Detroit, as opposed to being "pist-on" in Orlando.

* He's a Squirter, or He Claimed Subban Was a Calgary Flame — Boston Bruins forward Shawn Thorton was fined $2,820.52 for squirting Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban in the face with a water bottle in Boston's 4-2 Game 5 on Saturday. Thornton, who's from Ontario, played down the incident, and said he had no problem being called a "hoser."