Friday, June 20, 2014

Foul Territory: Cup Supporters

By Jeffrey Boswell

* Ghana-Na-Na, Ghana-Na-Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye, or if the Americans Feel Euphoria, Do the Ghanians Feels Ghana-ria? — The United States beat Ghana 2-1 on Monday on defender John Brooks' header off a corner kick in the 86th minute. Brooks said he dreamed of the winning header two days before the game. On June 26th, the U.S. faces Group G powerhouse Germany, who have encouraged Brooks and the Americans to "keep dreaming."

* If He's Trying to Get a Reduced Suspension, I Give Him a Puncher's Chance, or Goodell Will Be on Him Like White on Rice, or Brown on Nose — Remorse, Ray Rice and his wife met with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell at league headquarters on Monday. Rice could face a suspension under the league's personal conduct policy for striking his then-fiancee in February. Rice said he wishes to put the incident behind him and concentrate on football. In short, he wants to "elevate" his game, not his wife.

* It Was a "Banner" Day For Rose, as Opposed to a "Banned" Day, or Odds and "Ins," or Charlie Hustler- — Pete Rose served as guest manager for the Bridgeport Bluefish on Monday in the independent Atlantic League. Reportedly, Rose charged $800 to sign the lineup card.

* "Croatch Shots," or They Were Wearing Nil, or I Guess They Should Be in Group "D" — The Croatian men's soccer team boycotted the media after paparazzi photos were published of players bathing nude at the team's training complex in Brazil. Ironically, the Croats later "undressed" Cameroon, beating the Africans 4-0 on Wednesday.

* It's Patently Offensive — The U.S. Patent Office cancelled the Washington Redskins trademarks, deeming the team's nickname "disparaging of Native Americans." Redskins owner Daniel Snyder continues to defend the name, citing "strength, courage, pride, and respect," qualities he sees in the team and Native Americans. Snyder himself maintains a quality inherent in Native Americans — defiance.

* "Whoo-Wee C.K." — Dodgers pitcher Clayton Kershaw no-hit the Colorado Rockies on Wednesday, striking out 15 in L.A.'s 8-0 victory. Kershaw missed a perfect game because of a throwing error by shortstop Hanley Ramirez. After the game, Ramirez was told to "take a walk."

* STD's Will at an All-Time Low in Tallahassee, Because Crabs Will Disappear, or They Love Him in Tallahassee — Jameis Winston's dad said his son will play two more seasons with the Florida State Seminoles. In two years, quarterbacks will be in high demand in the NFL. In other words, it will be a "super market."