NASCAR 2015 Predictions

* Kurt Busch debuts the No. 007 car at Daytona and executes a last-lap pass of Denny Hamlin to win the 500. In post-race interviews, Busch goes on a 10-minute rant and bad-mouths the entire NASCAR community, earning him the nickname "American Sniper."

Busch then fires his agent on the spot and when asked, refuses to divulge the name of his new representative, instead saying he/she is a "secret agent." Busch also decrees that his spotter should be called a "spy" for the rest of the season.

* Clint Bowyer, in the No. 15 5-Hour Energy Chevrolet, leads with two laps to go at Richmond on April 25th, but falls asleep and crashes out, finishing 39th. The following week at Talladega, Bowyer's car sports a brand new, one-race sponsor, "8 Hours Sleep."

Bowyer makes the Chase For the Cup and wins the Chase opener at Chicagoland, but fades afterwards, with no finishes in the top 10 in the remaining nine races.

* Tony Stewart throws a punch at Brad Keselowski after the two tangle at Sonoma, leading NBC to introduce the "Fist Cam" the following week at Daytona on July 5th. The "Fist Cam" is a small camera deployed in one of two places: either on the fist of the driver deemed most likely to take a swing at someone, or on Keselowski's face.

The "Fist Cam" delivers its best footage at Martinsville on November 1st when Danica Patrick throws a haymaker at A.J. Allmendinger, leading to the headline, "The Swinger and the 'Dinger."

* At Kid Rock's pre-race concert at Daytona, the "American Bad Ass" performs his new single "First Kiss," then urges fans in attendance to kiss the person to their right. An all-out brawl ensues, and NASCAR waves a giant red flag, resulting in a three-hour delay to the start of the race.

* Kevin Harvick's quest to repeat as Sprint Cup champion gains the unofficial tag line "This Bud's For 2" in a contest on Twitter sponsored by Harvick's wife Delana. "This Bud's For 2" beats out a host of other slogans, such as "Two-Timing S.O.B." submitted by a Brooke Gordon, "Make It Reign," the Al Unser, Jr.-inspired "I'll Have a Double," and "Two Knock-Knock-Knocks on Kevin's Door."

Harvick qualifies for the Chase For The Cup, but slumps after a shove from Brad Keselowski sends him over the edge, of the stage at a Jason Aldean concert at Spartanburg, South Carolina in September.

* Carl Edwards gives Joe Gibbs Racing its first win of the season by winning at Texas on April 6th. Edwards performs his signature back flip, but flubs the landing and sprains his left ankle. Edwards misses two races recovering, and to add insult to injury, Aflac denies his claim for worker's compensation, saying the accident did not take place on the job.

* TMZ posts some candid photos of NASCAR CEO Brian France frolicking in the raw on the beaches of Saint-Tropez. The photos, titled "The 'South' of France in the South of France," create a stir in NASCAR circles and embarrassment to the France family.

France files a suit, claiming mistaken identity, and TMZ is forced to submit an apology, which they do on their website, where they say "they sincerely regret mistaking France for some other pudgy white man."

The Charlotte Observer comically joins the paparazzi act when they post a scandalous headline reading "France Caught Topless!" along with a photograph of the France cruising in his vintage 1955 Thunderbird convertible.

* Dale Earnhardt, Jr. faces a misdemeanor drug charge at a traffic stop after offering a lift to a few stranded, good-for-nothing Earnhardt fans in Daytona Beach. At his court date in April, an understanding judge throws out the charge, famously quipping that 'there's no way 'Little E' is going to jail for a 'little E.'"

Earnhardt wins three races, including May's race in Charlotte, and later stars in NASCAR's most entertaining commercial, in which Jeff Bridges pilfers a Mountain Dew from Junior's cooler, to which Junior replies, "Dude, the Dew?"

* At Loudon on July 19th, Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots serves as the race's Grand Marshal, blandly ordering the drivers to start their engines. After the race, Belichick is impounded, later becoming the first Grand Marshal in NASCAR history to fail inspection.

* In May, Kyle Busch's wife, Samantha, signs a modeling contract with Venus Swimwear. Coupled with Kyle's No. 18 sponsorship, the couple becomes the living embodiment of the "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" adage.

Busch starts the Chase For the Cup in fourth place, but his title hopes are dashed when he wrecks in "The Big One" at Talladega in October.

* Jeff Gordon dominates at Indianapolis, leading 127 laps en route to his sixth Brickyard 400 victory. In Victory Lane, an ecstatic Gordon douses his crew with a new Brickyard staple, carbonated milk, from the good people at Gordon's longtime sponsor of Pepsi.

The win propels Gordon to two more wins prior to the Chase, and he starts atop the points standings at Chicagoland. Gordon wraps up the title at Homestead, out-dueling Jimmie Johnson, Denny Hamlin, and Brad Keselowski.

* Kyle Larson wins his first Sprint Cup race, taking the No. 42 Target Chevrolet to victory at Pocono on June 7th. Larson is later named cover boy for the 2016 release of NASCAR's video game, which ultimately is pulled from the shelf after a 6-year-old gamer finds hidden footage which features former NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield racing around the fictional town of Tweaksville trying to procure meth.

The game finds new life when Rockstar Games, the makers of Grand Theft Auto, expresses an interest in the Mayfield-Tweakville plot line and decides to make it the premise of their "Grand Theft Auto VII: Cranked" game.

* On August 8th, Brad Keselowski's girlfriend, Paige White, gives birth to the couple's first child, a son named "Roger" after Roger Penske, with the middle name "Edward" after a character in a series of vampire novels. The birth certificate is notarized before either parent recognizes the child's initials to be "R.E.K."

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