* Ladies First, or U-S-Eh!, Or "V" Is For….Victory — The United States beat Japan 5-2 behind a Carli Lloyd hat trick to win the FIFA Women's World Cup championship in Vancouver, Canada. The team was honored with a ticker tape parade in New York City on Thursday, and their trip to the Big Apple made the U.S. Men's team feel like small potatoes.
* He Was Caught Red-Handed, or He's Always Been Known For His Explosive Burst, or For His New Contract, the Giants Expect the "Four-Finger Discount" — New York Giant Jason Pierre-Paul suffered burns to both hands in a fireworks accident in Coral Springs, Florida on Sunday, and later had to have a finger amputated. Tom Coughlin said he'd much rather Eli Manning have the hot hand.
* Once Known For Blowing Chunks, He's Now Known For Just Blowing — Donovan McNabb was arrested in Arizona on suspicion of driving under the influence on June 28th. It was McNabb's second DUI arrest in the last two years. Reportedly, McNabb "threw up" his hands in frustration and his chest "heaved" as he "hurled" his driving privileges away.
* That MOFO Got TKO'd By the WBO — Floyd Mayweather was stripped of the WBO welterweight he won by defeating Manny Pacquiao in May. Mayweather failed to meet the deadline for paying the $200,000 sanctioning fee required by the WBO. It was a more exciting instance of the belt changing hands than the fight itself.
* Dick Magnate — The PGA has decided not to conduct the upcoming Grand Slam of Golf at the Trump National Golf Club in Los Angeles. The decision came as a result of Donald Trump's harsh criticism of Mexican immigrants in his speech announcing his bid for the Presidency. Trump accused the PGA of discrimination.
* That's Why He's a Cornerback and Not a Safety — Tampa Bay Buccaneers safety C.J. Wilson lost two fingers in a fireworks accident over the July 4th weekend. On the bright side, Wilson just perfected the three-point stance.
* This Would Be a Great Time For Foot Joy Sponsorship — Rory McIlroy ruptured the ligaments in his left ankle playing soccer, and will miss the British Open. It was an embarrassing situation, but he opted for telling the truth instead of a good "lie."
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