Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson held off Joey Logano on an overtime restart and won at Homestead, earning his seventh Sprint Cup championship.
"First," Johnson said, "I'd like to thank the most important woman in my life. That would be 'Lady Luck.'
"This race was called the 'Ford EcoBoost 400.' I get an 'echo boost' when I say 'Sprint Cup champion,' because I hear it repeated six times."
2. Carl Edwards — Edwards was cruising to what appeared to be a championship run at Homestead before a caution flew with 15 laps to go. On the ensuing restart, Edwards dove low to block a charging Joey Logano and spun, first slamming the inside wall and then spinning back into traffic. Edwards's day was done and his championship hopes were extinguished.
"I was already visualizing my celebratory backflip," Edwards said. "Instead of a landing stuck, however, it was disaster that struck."
3. Joey Logano — Logano finished fourth, and second to Jimmie Johnson in the championship race, in the Ford EcoBoost 400 at Homestead.
"The wreck with ten laps to go defined the outcome," Logano said. "I had a good run on Carl Edwards and he blocked me, spinning himself and causing more wreckage. If I get by him clean, more than likely, I'm the Sprint Cup champion. That would have been my first, and at 23, I would be looking forward to many more Cups, particularly my third. After that, I would have been known as 'Thrice'd Bread.'"
4. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin finished ninth at Homestead, positing his 22nd top-10 of the year.
"Congratulations to Jimmie Johnson," Hamlin said. "He joins Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt, Sr. as seven-time winners of the NASCAR championship. Jimmie is neither a 'King' nor an 'Intimidator.' Johnson's much too humble to have such an audacious nickname. Me and the guys just call him 'JJ,' because he's 'Just Jimmie.'"
5. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth started seventh and finished seventh in the Ford EcoBoost 400.
"Jimmie Johnson's seven Sprint Cup championship is truly an amazing feat," Kenseth said. "And it also takes amazing fingers to indicate that many championships."
6. Kyle Busch — Busch finished sixth at Homestead, behind championship contenders Jimmie Johnson, who won, and Joey Logano, who took fourth.
"I really thought Carl Edwards was going to do it," Busch said. "And I was right, because if you ask anyone about Sunday's race, especially those on Logano's team, they'll say 'he did it.'"
7. Kevin Harvick — Harvick started on the pole at Homestead and finished third, recording his 17th top-five of the season.
"I'm known as 'Happy," Harvick said. "But after failing to have a chance to win the championship, friends and colleagues have said I don't seem like myself. They tell me I'm 'not Happy enough.'"
8. Kurt Busch — Busch finished 13th at Homestead as Jimmie Johnson took the win and his seventh Sprint Cup championship.
"Tony Stewart raced for the last time in Sprint Cup," Busch said. "So, we may never see Tony in a Sprint Cup car ever again. I guess Tony's 'going away for a long time.' But let's be clear, Tony's not going to jail."
9. Brad Keselowski — Keselowski was caught up in the Carl Edwards-Joey Logano mix up and finished 35th at Homestead, 11 laps down.
"With no chance to win the championship," Keselowski said, "I was really disinterested in putting forth my best effort. So, instead of being at Homestead, I would have rather best at home, instead."
10. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex was collected in a crash with ten laps to go triggered when Carl Edwards tried to block Joey Logano on a restart. Truex's No. 78 Toyota ended up in flames, and he finished 36th.
"I guess it's fitting," Truex said. "We started the Chase For The Cup 'on fire,' and ended it that way too."
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