Friday, February 16, 2018

Foul Territory: Medaling Kids, Triple “Axl’s”

By Jeffrey Boswell

* And He Used to Think "Bipolar" Was a Description of a Goal Post — In an interview on "Good Morning America," Johnny Manziel said he is bipolar and plans to make a comeback and return to the NFL as part of the developmental Spring League. The Spring League announced that Manziel has signed a deal to play in the Elite D-League, and if past behavior is any indication, Manziel will quickly graduate to the "Super D" League.

* It's Not "I, Tonya," It's "III, Mirai" — United States figure skater Mirai Nagasu landed a triple axel in the women's free skate in the team competition, becoming only the third woman to land a triple axel in the Olympics. The "Triple Axel" is not to be confused with the "Triple Axl," which is what Axl Rose weighs today compared to 1987.

* Apparently, He Needs to Work on His "Delivery" — Former major league pitcher Esteban Loaiza was jailed and faces felony drug charges after being arrested in San Diego on Friday with over 20 kilograms of cocaine. Arresting officers wanted to pose for photos with the large quantity of cocaine, citing their desire to "make a trip to the mound."

* "You Feel That? That's Pride F-ing With You!" — South African lions ate a poacher in Kruger National Park, leaving just the poachers head. The lion's adhere strictly to South Africa's "apart-head" social policy.

* It Was an Offer Too Good to Pass (Up) — Peyton Manning will drive the pace car at the Daytona 500 on Sunday. Manning is open to driving tips from anyone, except Jim Irsay.

* It's Those "Medaling" Kids Again, or Teen Beat, or Shaun White Isn't Old Enough to Be Called the "Father" of the Sport, But Definitely the "Creepy Uncle" of the Sport — Seventeen-year-old Americans Red Gerard and Chloe Kim won gold medals in snowboarding in the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. They'll get their biggest "air" after signing endorsement deals.

* Do You Believe in Minor Miracles? Yes!, or They're Off to a "Slo" Start — Slovenia stunned the United States 3-2 in overtime in the Olympic opener for both teams. First, Lady Melania Trump lauded her countrymen, while President Donald Trump called "America's Failure on ICE" fake news.

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