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Seriously, I have never liked the Lakers. Growing up, I was a huge Dr. J fan and liked the Philadelphia 76ers (plus, thay had Charles Barkley at one point). I spent some time in Chicago and, of course, became a Bulls fan watching Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, etc. rule the world. I wanted to be like Mike. But when the idiotic owners of that franchise decided to nuke the team after Jordan left (the second time), I gave up on the Windy City. I went to college in Indiana so the Pacers are kind of my default team.

Obviously, none of this wandering bandwagon induced fandom would cause me to cheer on the Lakers. Throw in the fact that, as a Midwesterner, I automatically suspect everything from California and you have a person who hates the Lakers.

But I have taken this natural disposition against L.A. into a deep-seated burning hatred. I mean I don't just not pull for the Lakers, I feel every victory like a poke in the eye, like some sort of cosmic slap in my face. I feel like justice has no meaning as long as the Lakers are the reigning world champions. So do I have any legitimate reason for disliking the Lakers? Here are some that approach rationality:

- Shaquille O'Neal. I hate Shaq. What a big lumbering oaf. I hate the fact that every single time he touches the ball down low he fouls someone or someone fouls him. I realize that the NBA center position has always involved some violence. Very large grown men fighting to put a small ball in a small hoop is going to lead to some collisions. But with Shaq, it is taken to absurdity. He is simply too big. His size and strength warp the game to the point where the refs have to wink at fouls because otherwise the game would break down.

Sure, Shaq has skills. He is amazingly athletic for a man his size and he can score like a maniac. But the fact that he is a giant plays a large role okay? I much prefer a little elegance. Give me Hakeem Olajuwon anyday. That guy could glide and move and shoot without looking like a bouncer about to throw you out of the club. At some point, watching Shaq plow his shoulder through someone on his way to the basket for the umpteenth time gets old.

- Kobe Bryant. I hate Kobe for the opposite reason: he is very good. Kobe is the type of player I want to like. He is powerful, yet graceful. He doesn't just look to score points, but he takes control of a game and makes it his own. He puts everything he has into winning. Does he have a big ego? Sure. Wouldn't you if you were that talented? I mean the kid was NBA material out of high school, for Pete's sake. I want to like Kobe -- I want him to be the next Jordan -- I want him to be the next player that amazes me with his abilities, but isn't a wife-beating drug-addicted thug. But I can't like him he is a LAKER! My chemical and psychological makeup will not allow me to like a Laker. This tension and frustration causes me to hate him even more.

- Phil Jackson. I learned to like Phil Jackson when he was at Chicago. I thought his Zen-inspired coaching style was a bit weird, but he brought the rings home. He made those teams work. He brought in just the right role players and managed to let the stars be stars within the system. When it clicked, it was awesome. Star players playing ferocious defense. Jordan passing the ball when he was double-teamed. Soon, I thought the triangle offense was the key to world peace.

Then the Bulls were cut up and offered as a sacrifice to the Bulls' ownership. I guess I knew in my gut that Phil would coach again. I thought he might go to the Knicks (I hate the Knicks, but in a mild normal sort of way). But no, he had to go to L.A. and regain the Lakers' glory. He had to take Shaq from a gargantuan freak center and B-movie actor to champion. He brought in his role players and he managed to keep the Kobe/Shaq fights to a minimum.

- Sacramento. I went to college in Indiana, but I grew up in Michigan. I was a fan of the Fab Five. For a short period, Michigan Basketball seemed cool and hip. They played an exciting and winning game (I don't want to talk about the time-out fiasco, okay?). So naturally, I turned to Chris Webber's Kings to slay the Laker dragon. I would be the Kings on my Nintendo dreaming of the day when the Kings dethroned the Lakers.

To watch that series was hell. To watch the pained look on Webber's face as he felt things slipping away. To see Shaq abuse Vlade Divac and watch Vlade get the fouls and vainly attempt the flops when it clearly wasn't working -- in fact, was backfiring and to watch Mike Bibby attempt to carry the team on his back when his teammates' shots were constantly clanging off the rim was not good for my soul. It caused my dislike to fester and rot into a ball of anger and rage. Luckily, football season was a welcome distraction.

When football was winding down, I began to think of my dream. A world without a Lakers riot, I mean championship! The year started out so promising. The Lakers were struggling below-.500 even. Shaq's big toe was bothering him. This time, it seemed that all the distractions and problems might not be fixed in time to make a playoff run. Teams like Dallas, Sacramento, and San Antonio looked like the teams to beat in the West. Blue-collar teams like Detroit, New Jersey, and Indiana were again looking to regain the throne for the East.

Who should come along to spoil all of this? My old friend, Kobe Bryant. Nine freakin' games with 40 points or more! The Lakers have won 11 of their last 13 games. They have climbed above .500 and are looking to solidify a playoff spot. I can't help but wonder if they are again going to get white-hot at just the right moment.

My nervousness is growing with each new headline. The Pacers are going in the opposite direction and Detroit's defense looks vulnerable. Can the Kings beat the Lakers when it counts? Or perhaps I should look to Dallas for my Laker-killers? I am not sure and there are plenty of games left to be played, but recent history is no comfort. I continue to hope, but the cynic in me is preparing for the worst.

So, there you have it. I hate the Lakers. I always have and I probably always will. Perhaps you find my reasons lacking? Well, at least I was open and honest about my biases. Hey, this isn't the New York Times ...

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