Saturday, November 1st, 2003
No matter what the illusion, from sawing a woman in half to standing on top
of Mount Everest naked with nothing to eat for 80 days and surviving, what
you're seeing just ain't a happening.
When Dallas played Tampa on October 26th, the smoke cleared and the mirrors
cracked. Revealed was that Dallas has no running game and if Quincy Carter
can read a defensive player's jersey number, he is going to rely on the old
Dallas' players weren't the only ones that acted as scared as a 2-year-old
lost in a parking lot in the Bronx; Bill Parcells' playcalling was tighter
than a 10-pound salami in a five-pound package.
The Buccaneers were missing aafety John Lynch and cornerback Brian Kelly
from their secondary and Dallas never even tried to exploit the possible
mismatches. Sure, they threw the ball down field a few times, but it was
mostly on third-and-long or other rather predictable situations.
We all know you have to establish the running game, but down 10-0, 13-0,
and 16-0? You have to give it up eventually -- geez, even the East Germans
The wide receivers are considered the strength of this Dallas offense, so
why weren't they used? Terry Glenn led the receiving core with 3 catches
and Antonio Bryant had none! Fullback Richie Anderson led all players with
The reason is that Parcells knows exactly what he has on his team. He does
have an improved QB, but considering Quincy Carter's first two years, that
is like giving praise to a heroin addict who had enough of needles so he
switched to crack.
Here is how Parcells explained his confidence in his QB: "We did not want
to get into a passing game." I don't think anyone is ready to advance Carter
a few million to write his autobiography "Who Knew I Had it in Me."
Several times this season including against the Giants, Lions, and Cardinals,
Carter got away with a few heaves that were wildly and blindly thrown. Against
more talented teams like the Buccaneers, that isn't going to get it done.
Is he playing better than last year? Yes, he is. Does he deserve to be praised?
No, he doesn't. Until he learns to consistently think before acting, he will
remain an unstable liability to the Cowboys.
Parcells figured that Tampa would come after Carter, so he tried, and tried,
and tried to get the running game going. One problem: his running back, Troy
Hambrick, couldn't find a hole if he was performing a Colonoscopy. Hambrick
has fewer moves than Bob Dole has personality. One has to wonder if Troy
missed school the semester they learned the directions North and South.
Evidently, Hambrick likes to mimic international politics. North Korea shot
a few missiles into Japanese waters and got plenty of attention. Last season,
Hambrick let off a few bombs of his own to grab the spotlight, telling the
press it was time for Emmitt Smith to move on, that he was the man who should
What is he saying this year? "When the offensive line gives me a hole and
I make a bad read, it makes me mad." "This is my first time having the load
on my shoulders. I'm learning something every day, but it's like I'm a rookie
Well, Troy, when Dallas fans see you running into your offensive lineman's
backs, it makes them mad. Maybe you should have shut-up and listened-up.
Dallas failed to convert 3rd-and-1 four times against the Bucs.
Here's how Bill Parcells feels about his running back: Dallas had contact
with several teams about trading for a running back, including talking to
San Francisco about Kevon Barlow. On October 29th, Dallas signed former Jet
and Cardinal Adrian Murrell who they cut in training camp.
With Hambrick coming off an 11-carry, 25-yard performance with no rushes
in the second-half, don't be surprised to see Murrell get some touches.
Last season, Dallas was one of the worst teams in football. This year, they're
contending for the title best worst team. Hey, 5-2 is dandy, but there are
no more patsies left on their schedule. The Bills, Patriots, Dolphins, and
Panthers amongst others are waiting.
Already winning the same amount of games as last year is a building block,
but if Dallas doesn't make the playoffs this year, you can bet Hambrick and
Carter will be picking splinters out of their jock straps next year.