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Old 03-19-2007, 06:27 PM   #31
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Back to the jokes, we have had this argument, as I said - by the time you realize that you were wrong, it will be too late.

Joke time...
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Old 03-19-2007, 06:29 PM   #32
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A life long supporter of the Republican party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Democratic party.

"But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're Republican through and through… Why change now?"

The man learned forward and explained, "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."
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Old 03-19-2007, 06:29 PM   #33
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An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Former US President Bill Clinton?

1% said, "No"
2% said, "Yes"
97% said, "Never Again"
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Old 07-11-2007, 06:40 PM   #34
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Ok, not really a joke, but something to think about,...that is,....if one is religious?

Cell Phone VS. Bible



I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone.

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several times a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it like we couldn’t live without it?

What if we gave it to the kids as gifts?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go “hmmm, where is my cell phone?” Oh, and one more thing, unlike our cell phone, we don’t have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill, and no dropped calls. Makes you stop and think “where are my priorities?”
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Old 07-18-2007, 03:37 PM   #35
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Default 2008 Demcratic Convention Schedule

2008 Democratic Natl Convention Schedule

7:00 p.m.
Opening Flag Burning.

7:15 p.m.
Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations.

7:30 p.m.
Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:30 - 8 p.m.
Nonreligious prayer and worship: \
Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton

8:00 p.m.
Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:05 p.m.
Ceremonial Tree Hugging.

8:15-8:30 p.m.
Gay Wedding
Barney Frank, officiating

8:30 p.m.
Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:00 p.m.
Keynote Speech:
"The Proper Etiquette for Surrender"
Former French President Jacques Chirac.

9:20 p.m.
Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.

9:30 p.m.
Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay
Sean Penn.

9:40 p.m.
Why I hate the Military
A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.

9:45 p.m.
Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:50 p.m.
Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award
presented by Michael Moore.

9:55 p.m.
Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:20 p.m.
nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President
by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

11:00 p.m.
Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

11:05 p.m.
Al Gore reinvents the Internet.

11:15 p.m.
"Our Troops are War Criminals"
presented by John Kerry.

11:30 p.m.
Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

12:00 midnight
Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

12:05 a.m.
Bill Clinton asks Ted to drive Hillary home.
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Old 07-28-2007, 01:25 PM   #36
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Still very true

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with asking for help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.

The European community (except France) is sending food and money.

The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Mexicans.

God Bless America
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Old 07-29-2007, 09:55 PM   #37
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I've redacted my comments from this post.

I think Jay was the only person who saw them.

It isn't worth getting into, even if it is true...

Last edited by Ellis; 07-29-2007 at 10:45 PM.
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Old 07-30-2007, 12:36 PM   #38
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Al Gore is walking down the street when he sees an SUV speed by him, swerving in an out of traffic. The SUV knocks over a trash can, hits a lightpost, and screeches to a stop, after narrowly missing a pedestrian. Gore is appalled by this behavior and runs up to the vehicle. As the driver rolls the window down, Gore screams, "do you know how much fossil fuel that thing uses!?"
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Old 07-30-2007, 03:13 PM   #39
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American's elected George W. Bush as president, for two terms.

(if that's not a joke, I don't know what is.)
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Old 07-31-2007, 01:13 AM   #40
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I saw an interesting bumper sticker in Juneau during our visit. It was a caricature of the Clintons with the caption "100% Fact Free".
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Old 08-06-2007, 07:49 PM   #41
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Not really a joke, but it is kind of funny how people think! Enjoy!

Written by an Australian Dentist....and too good to delete....

To Kill an American

You probably missed this in the rush of news, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper, an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.

So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let everyone know what an American is . So they would know when they found one. (Good one, mate!!!!)


"An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.


An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.


An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.

An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.


An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.


The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence , which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.


An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.


When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!


As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan . Americans welcome the best of everything...the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services. But they also welcome the least.


The national symbol of America , The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America .


Some of them were w orking in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.

So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself . Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.
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