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Old 03-08-2007, 03:50 PM   #1
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Default Political Jokes

Bill and Hilary Clinton were married for 40 years. When they first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 40 years of marriage Hilary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was really curious as to why.

That evening while they were out for a special dinner Hilary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under the bed. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why you keep the cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth.Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hilary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened but I guess after all these years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not bad considering the years we've been together."

A little while later Hilary asked Bill "Why do you have all that money in the box?"

Bill answered, "Whenever the box got full of cans, I cashed them in."
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Old 03-08-2007, 03:56 PM   #2
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Here is another one:

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.

"Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:14 PM   #3
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The Scooter Libby conviction has come at a bad time for the White House. Usually, you want the conviction of a high-ranking official and the veterans-sleeping-in-moldy-rat-holes stories on different days.
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:14 PM   #4
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Out on an old hillbilly farm, an ancient man sits out on the deck, rocking in his overused wooden chair from dawn until dusk.

Finaly, his grandson comes home, his face sunburned from being outside all day long. The grandson sits down on the deck next to his grandpa’s rickety chair, and curiously says, “O’pa, watcha thinkin’ ’bout?”

The grampa sighs and massages his wrinkled forehead, as if being battered with a major headache, before calmly replying, “Sonny boy, I’m thinkin’ ’bout how our dear old president is like a monkey at a zoo.”

The grandson, now even more curious, inquires, “How is he like a monkey at a zoo, grandpa?”

The grandpa sighs and explains, “He ain’t supposed to be there in the zoo, and ever’one knows it. He sits around scratching his rear all day long, while all the puzzled people stare and wonder just how stupid he really is. But, son, deep inside they know it’s the human race’s fault that this complete moron is runnin’ the gover’ment.”

The grandson smiles mischievously and says, “Monkeys throw ***** and make people hate them. Ol’ Georgey does that too, right, Gram’pa?”

The grandpa grins widely before saying, “You bet he does, Johnny. Sure as hell he does.”
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:15 PM   #5
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A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, “What’s your IQ?”

The man replies “150″ and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituallity, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, “This is really cool.” He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, “What’s your IQ?”

The man responds, “about a 100.”

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and women’s breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, “What’s your IQ?”

The man replies, “Er, 50, I think.”

And the robot says… real slowly,

“So…………… ya gonna vote for Bush again?”
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:19 PM   #6
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George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the
Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I
have no room for you; but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as
bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool
of water. He kept resurfacing over and over and over, gasping for air.
Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a
sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that
hammer, time after time after time, and more rocks appeared.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying
naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs
spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she
does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,
"Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said ... "Monica, you're free to go!"
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:32 PM   #7
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What is the difference between Vietnam and Iraq?

George Bush had a plan to get out of Iraq!
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:34 PM   #8
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One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away . . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already several times that Mr. Bush is not the President anymore and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow"
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:45 PM   #9
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Jokes? Here's one:

Last year I was in a small town in Northern Virginia shopping... unbeknown to me there was a Democrat Rally in the town (it is actually a northern Virginia city famous for its leading Democrat who is in Congress and he was running for re-election)... coming out of a sports store two blocks from the rally site I ran headlong into a black Cadillac limosine pulling up to the curb... apparently there was limited parking due to the rally. I stepped back a bit and to my amazement out of the back of the limo steps Al Gore and his entourage of four or five executives, headed quicky the two blocks to the Democrat Rally on foot. I watched him walk away and thought no more of it.

The next day I happened to read some of Gore's comments at that rally that were reproduced in the newspaper. He made the usual platitudes to the Democrat base then, in absolute frankness, and I paraphrase, he encouraged the residents to use fuel-efficient vehicles as much a as possible and encouraged laws mandating their use!

No joke... this is a fact!
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Old 03-09-2007, 11:43 AM   #10
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And one real joke=>

Last week, as President Bush got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said: “Nice pigs, sir!”

The President replied: “These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and one for Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.”

The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and said: “Excellent trade, sir!”



[This sharp Marine should be promoted immediately and awarded a Navy Commendation Medal, at least!!]
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Old 03-12-2007, 03:26 AM   #11
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The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats that have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy is on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".


The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". Two higher levels remain: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
Lastly, the Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the Old Spanish Navy.
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Old 03-18-2007, 01:20 AM   #12
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Hey, let's hear some jokes from all sides ok?
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Old 03-18-2007, 02:55 AM   #13
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A Suggestion

George Bush has started an ill-timed and disastrous war under false pretenses by lying to the American people and to the Congress; he has run a budget surplus into a severe deficit; he has consistently and unconscionably favored the wealthy and corporations over the rights and needs of the population; he has destroyed trust and confidence in, and good will toward, the United States around the globe; he has ignored global warming, to the world's detriment; he has wantonly broken our treaty obligations; he has condoned torture of prisoners; he has attempted to create a theocracy in the United States; he has appointed incompetent cronies to positions of vital national importance.


Now, would someone please give him a blow job so we can impeach him?
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Old 03-18-2007, 12:29 PM   #14
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Yes Ravenpoe, that is a good joke. None of it is true, so it must be humor.
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Old 03-19-2007, 11:52 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DETMURDS View Post
Hey, let's hear some jokes from all sides ok?
Okay DETMURDS here's one...



Some idiot walking through a blizzard carrying a "Stop Global Warming" sign! That's classic!

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