Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
Baltimore @ N.Y. Jets
"Doggone it!" yells Jet head coach Herman Edwards. "Chad Pennington had to go and hurt his shoulder right before this week's tough test against the Ravens. Now he's out two to four weeks. If that arm doesn't heal right, Chad probably won't even be able to throw a Nerf football. Doggone it!"
"Settle down, Coach. Santana Moss here. You may have forgotten I was on the team, what with Chad not being able to throw the ball more than 15 yards downfield. I think Chad considers a deep ball a five-yard swing pass. It's no coincidence that as soon as Quincy Carter replaced Chad, he hit me with a 51-yard TD bomb. In case you had forgotten, I'm a deep threat."
"Okay, Santana. You get the start."
"Ah, Coach. I'm already a starter."
"I see. Here's a quarter. Call someone who cares."
As Moss heads to the pay phone, Raven linebacker Ray Lewis is frothing at the mouth at the prospect of stalking the backup Jets' quarterback.
"To use a story title of famous Baltimore native Edgar Allan Poe, whose work I have never read," Lewis comments, "Quincy Carter will suffer 'A Descent into the Maelström' when he faces the Ravens defense."
Damn Ray, that's bound to strike fear into Carter, you quoting classic literature and all.
"Check this one out: 'T.O., T.O., wherefore art thou, T.O., you punk-ass bitch?' That's Shakespeare, you know."
Is Terrell Owens still getting to you, Ray? You better let that go and worry about the Jets.
"It's all good. From now on, the Ravens take no more prisoners. Nevermore," quoth the Raven. "Nevermore."
Lewis and the Ravens' defenders shut down the Jet attack, and the Baltimore offense does the rest. No wait, the Baltimore offense does nothing.
Ravens win, 17-14.
Chicago @ Tennessee
Well, it looks like the "A-Train" Anthony Thomas is back on the tracks after playing backup to Thomas Jones to this point in the year. Thomas rushed for 129 yards and two touchdowns to lead the Bears to a 28-21 comeback win over the Giants last week.
"There's no doubting Thomas, now. Anthony Thomas, that is. If Thomas Jones can't play with a sprained toe, I gladly fill in. What is a sprained toe anyway? Is there any thing in a toe to sprain? I could be walking around with five or six sprained toes right now. I've played with mistletoe before, I've played with camel toe before, so I know I'm tougher than Thomas Jones."
"Yes, A-Train is on a roll," Bear coach Lovie Smith says. "So, when Thomas Jones gets healthy, we'll have a nice one-two punch. You know, I was watching Wheel of Fortune the other night, and I was thinking that a great puzzle in the 'Before and After' category would be 'Anthony Thomas Jones.' I know I should have been thinking of ways to beat Tennessee, but, damn! Vanna White is fine. Pat, let me get an 'S' and an 'X', and I'd also like to buy a vowel: an 'E', please."
"Oh. I'm sorry," Pat Sajak replies, "there is no 'S', 'E', or 'X'."
Sorry, Lovie. I know a "free spin" would come in handy, especially after Titan running back Chris Brown solves the puzzle that is the Bear defense. Quarterback Steve McNair makes his return to the lineup and lets Brown do most of the work.
The Titans win a tough, 24-14 dogfight.
Detroit @ Jacksonville
"Do you remember several years back, it was either at the Grammy's or one of those meaningless music awards show," explains Jacksonville coach Jack Del Rio, "when one of the members of Boyz II Men introduced the Van Halen album 0U812 as '0 U 8 twelve'? Remember that? It's 'Oh, you ate one, too' but he says 'Oh. You ate twelve'? That was awesome."
Uh, yeah, Jack Del Rio, I remember that. And?
"Oh. That's just an example of two differing worlds colliding, much like the worlds of Jack Del Rio and Steve Mariucci colliding this Sunday. Back my playing days, I was a hard-nosed linebacker, and that attitude is reflected in the play of my Jags. Mariucci is an Eye-talian pretty boy and his team plays in his image. We're going to pound the Lions into the ground."
"Jack Del Rio doesn't scare me," Mariucci retorts, "especially when he's in Jacksonville and I'm in Detroit. If he wants to start a war of words, that's fine. Who cares if Jack Del Rio was a player? If they called you 'hard-nosed', that just meant you were slow and white. And he should watch how he criticizes my Italian heritage. How does he think Byron Leftwich got his knee injury? I had my goons take care of him. And finally, the only Jaguars I care about are the three in my garage."
Indeed, Leftwich is out for this game and probably next week's, as well. In his absence, third-year man David Garrard will assume quarterbacking duties.
"We are confident in David's abilities," Jack Del Rio. "Much like Byron, he is big, strong, and has a good arm. He's also a graduate of East Carolina University, a fortress of higher learning and quite the party school, I hear. That being said, we feel that David can handle the mental aspects of managing the game, and if he needs to bong a six-pack for us to win, we feel confident in that area, as well."
Garrard manages the game nicely, and the Jags rely on their defense and the running of Fred Taylor to wear down the Lions. Although Garrard finds he doesn't need to bong beers to insure victory, he does funnel a quart of Gatorade® after a particularly thirst-inducing fourth quarter scramble. Garrard throws for 150 yards and a touchdown, and Taylor rushes for 115 and a score.
Jacksonville wins, 30-13.
Houston @ Indianapolis
"The similarities between myself and David Carr are downright uncanny," says a clearly-shaken Peyton Manning. "This stuff is eerie. I'm getting goose bumps just thinking about it. We are both right-handed throwers, and, here's the really freaky part, we're both white. Oooh, my spine is tingling! Wait! There's more. We both throw touchdown passes. He's got nine. I've got 26. So, yeah, since you asked, we do have a lot of similarities."
That's great, Peyton, but I didn't ask. But I'll ask you this: will you break Dan Marino's single-season touchdown pass mark of 48?
"Man, records don't mean a whole lot to me. What's most important are Super Bowls. The great quarterbacks are measured by their Super Bowl wins. You don't hear Marino mentioned with Terry Bradshaw, Joe Montana, Bart Starr, Steve Young, etc. because Marino never won that Super Bowl. That's why I would gladly give up all my touchdowns for a Super Bowl. Of course, the Colts without my touchdowns would be like the Colts and Mike Pagel -- they'd go nowhere. I'm hoping Marvin Harrison and Edgerrin James will re-sign next year, and with all the money spent on the three of us, we should have enough change left over to keep our discount defense together."
The Colts face an inconsistent yet explosive Texan team that features its own mini-version of the Manning-James-Harrison triumvirate: quarterback David Carr, running back Dominic Davis, and wide receiver Andre Johnson.
"Triumvirate means 'three', right?" asks James in his golden-toothed drawl. "So, the only thing they have in common with us is there are three of them?"
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But Edge, baby, don't look past Houston. They can score; maybe not as much as the Colts, but they do have firepower. Maybe with a few Colt turnovers, they can hang in there.
"Not in Indy, baby. We're 3-0 at home against teams that are not Jacksonville."
Good point. Manning adds three more TD passes in his quest to catch Marino. The Colts' threesome is way better than the Texans'.
Indianapolis wins, 34-23.
"Threesome? Now that's the kind of usage of the number three I like," James adds, heading out into the Indy nightlife.
Kansas City @ New Orleans
New Orleans coach Jim Haslett is on the proverbial "hot seat", his job status up in the air after the Saints' 3-5 start and recent 43-17 shellacking at the hands of the Chargers.
"It's no wonder I'm on the 'hot seat,'" Haslett explains. "If you had taken as many ass-beatings as my Saints and I have, your ass would be on fire, too."
Jim, I don't know who's running the show there in New Orleans, but they seem to give you just as many second chances as you give your quarterback Aaron Brooks. You did see Brooks throw a fully-backwards lateral to one of his offensive lineman last Sunday, didn't you?
"Yes, I saw that," Haslett replies, "and I was very disappointed. Wayne Gandy should have caught that. It was right to him. I know Aaron's been in the league six years, but he's still entitled to 90-100 rookie mistakes a year, isn't he?"
The Chiefs find themselves in familiar positions: coming off a loss to an inferior team, and needing to score 40 or more points to win their next game. And they may have to score that 40 without Priest Holmes, superstar, who is hurting with strained knee ligaments.
"We are confident that if Priest can't go," Chief coach Dick Vermeil says, "Derrick Blaylock can fill in, as well as Larry Johnson, who just recently took off his diapers and is now in pull-ups. It's the Saints, for Christ's sake, anybody can run on them."
"Excuse me coach," Holmes replies, "please don't use my Father's name in vain."
"My bad, Priest. My bad."
Haslett tries to loosen his team up early by replacing Vermeil's red challenge flag with Mardi Gras beads. Everyone gets a laugh when Vermeil challenges a call, which results in several topless officials, but no overturned call. The Chiefs score the forty they need, but it turns out they don't need quite as much. Holmes sits, but the Chiefs' running game clicks anyway, as does their passing game. Trent Green throws four TD passes, and the Chiefs win, 40-27. Haslett's seat gets even hotter, and his situation is exacerbated when his slacks spontaneously combust on his way home.
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
After laying waste to the Eagles, the last undefeated team in the league, exactly one week after vanquishing the Patriots and their 21-game winning streak, the Steelers stand firmly atop the NFL as the league's undisputed best team.
"I realize that greatness is fleeting in the NFL," says Bill Cowher, "and I want my guys to enjoy this moment. They know that nothing is forever, except diamonds and Ric Flair, but we will be disappointed if all this does not lead to a Super Bowl win."
As if things couldn't get any better in Pittsburgh, Cowher was just named to People magazines "50 Most Beautiful People in the World" list. Now, if you believe that, you have to be blind, an idiot, or you could just be one of the many blissful Steeler fans who believe that this is the year that everything goes the Steelers' way.
And so far, everything has been hunky-dory for Steeler Nation. Tommy Maddox now resides on the bench. Check. Rookie Ben Roethlisberger will be the quarterback well into the future, and is the clear favorite for Rookie of the Year honors. Check. The Steeler running game is consistent and powerful with Duce Staley and Jerome Bettis. Check. And Hines Ward single-handedly humiliated the Eagles with two touchdowns, one of which he celebrated by mocking one of many Terrell Owens' touchdown displays. Checkmate.
"Just answer me one question, guy," asks Cowher. "What can Brown do for me?"
I'll tell what Brown(s) can do for you. They can lose to you. Sure, they're at home and have two pretty tough running backs in Lee Suggs and William Green, but your Steelers have the number one ranked rush defense in the league, as well as the sixth-best passing defense.
"Sounds like the Browns will be black and blue," Cowher adds.
That's just the kind of thing I'd expect you to say, Bill. But you are right. The Pittsburgh defense puts down the Brown, and the Browns defense lacks the manpower to stop the abundance of Steeler offensive weapons (Roethlisberger, Staley, Bettis, Ward, Plaxico Burress, et al).
Steelers win, 23-13.
Seattle @ St. Louis
Can somebody find old-school rapper Kool Moe Dee and have him perform his hit "Wild Wild West"? Because that song totally represents the unpredictability of the NFC West. By unpredictable, I mean that the Rams and Seahawks treat the division lead as if it's a flaming hot potato; neither can hold it for any length of time. And, by the way, if you do find Kool Moe Dee and he agrees to perform, give him $20 bucks and a hot meal, okay?
If the Rams win Sunday, St. Louis and Seattle will share 5-4 records, but the Rams will have the edge with two wins over the Seahawks. A Seattle victory gives the Seahawks a full two-game lead on the Rams. A tie and ... who cares? This ain't soccer.
"I am making a solemn promise right here, right now," Ram coach Mike Martz vows. "We will not allow Seahawk kicker Josh Brown to beat us, at least not with his arm. No more touchdown passes from kickers on my watch. Never again!"
How does the saying go? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame ... forget that! I've got a new adage, and it goes like this: If you are an NFL head coach and you allow a kicker to throw a touchdown pass against you, you are an imbecile. And if you allow the receiver on the play to go unnoticed, you are a nincompoop. Martz, check the 2005 edition of Aesop's Fables. There's a new fable starring yourself, and guess what? Just like in real life, you play a buffoon.
"We don't need to resort to trickery to beat the Rams," Seattle coach Mike Holmgren adds. "But we might do it anyway. I've designed a nifty play in which we line up to punt on first down and allow the defense to stop us. Thinking it was fourth down, they will send their offense on the field. That's when we go deep on second down for the score. I'm pretty sure Martz would fall for that."
Holmgren saves that for later. The Seahawks know they should have beaten the Rams in October, but blew a 27-10 fourth quarter lead. They won't blow the lead this time. This game should be a shootout, but the Seahawks defense has a huge edge. They will make the stops when it counts. And Shaun Alexander will score two touchdowns and amass 140 yards rushing against one of the league's worst run defenses.
Seahawks exact revenge and win, 35-30.
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
Sunday's showdown between the 3-5 Bucs and the 6-2 Falcons could be a season-altering game for Tampa Bay.
"Yes, that's right," says Buc running back Michael Pittman. "If we win, we're only two games back, in striking distance, which would truly make it a season-altering game. Which, in turn, would call for some mind-altering drugs. I've still got a wicked buzz from the post-game celebration last week, after my three-touchdown day versus the Chiefs. That, in turn, calls for some urine-altering masking agents, which I regularly receive from my physician, Dr. I.P. Freeley."
But seriously, Pittman is in top form and should give the Falcons' linebackers and secondary problems with his speed and pass-catching ability. Brian Griese has finally found a home and is becoming an efficient quarterback. And Tampa's defense has a history of shutting down Michael Vick.
"Well, it's like you said, man," Vick responds. "It's history. A-T-L runs the NFC South now, not the Bucs, not the Panthers, and certainly not the other team in our division, whose name eludes me. Don't even give me the argument that Tampa beat the Chiefs and the Chiefs beat us 56-10, so therefore, Tampa will beat us."
The Falcons are rested and at home, and Vick, Warrick Dunn, and T.J. Duckett should be enough to propel the Falcons to victory. Atlanta, however, will be without backup quarterback Matt Schaub, who was arrested last Saturday for assault and battery in Charlottesville, Virginia.
"Some drunk college punk recognized me," Schaub explains, "and started talking junk, so I whipped his ass. If that's a crime, I'm guilty. That's the price you pay when you're famous."
Or semi-famous, in your case.
Atlanta wins and inches closer to the NFC South crown with a 22-17 win.
Cincinnati @ Washington
"Enough is enough and it's time for a change," says Redskin coach Joe Gibbs.
What, Joe? You're going to quit and save Daniel Snyder the satisfaction of firing you?
"Quit? No way," Gibbs replies. "I'm talking about a quarterback change. Mark Brunell's not getting the job done. Clinton Portis threw a 15-yard touchdown pass with his only attempt of the game last week. Can you imagine what his numbers would be like if we can get him 20-25 passing attempts per game? So Clinton gets the start at QB versus the Bengals."
"Ha ha. That Gibbs is such a joker," laughs Bengal coach Marvin Lewis. "Uh. Wait. He's serious? Portis really is starting? Darn! Now I'll need a little extra time to game plan. Okay, I'm done. If you saw Portis throw that TD pass Sunday, you know that he threw it as hard as he could and it only sailed 15 yards. Therefore, we're going to bring up our safeties and stop Portis on the run and force him to throw. When he does, our cornerbacks will jump the routes and make the picks. Simple enough."
Yes, simple enough. As are the minds of coaches who have led their teams to 3-5 records in divisions where the leader sports a 7-1 record. Both teams are dangerously near to appearing on Kenny Blankenship's "Most Painful Mathematical Playoff Eliminations of the Week" of Spike TV's Most Extreme Elimination Challenge fame. And, it's not a stretch to say that MXC's Guy LaDouche and Captain Tenneal could probably lead these two teams to better won-loss records.
"LaDouche and Tenneal are certainly persuasive," adds Gibbs. "I love MXC, and you would think men with the ability to convince hordes of Asians to participate in physically dangerous and emotionally degrading stunts would make perfect coaches in the NFL. But enticing 100 pound Japanese civilians to dive in to raw sewage is one thing; making a 340-pound offensive lineman do that extra jumping jack is another."
But let's give Lewis and Gibbs credit. They are basically running teams with quarterbacks who should be flashing hand signals to the starter instead of starting themselves.
"Hey, I'm trying to drop hints to Carson," Lewis explains. "Last week, Jon Kitna and I presented him with a Ryan Leaf Chargers' jersey. He didn't get it at all."
It may take an act of God to hasten Palmer's benching, or maybe a fatal fall on MXC's "Rotating Surfboard of Death". Or maybe just a bad game against the 'Skins. Portis sticks to rushing. The 'Skins flatten Palmer.
Washington wins, 21-10.
Carolina @ San Francisco
This showdown between one-win wonders is being billed at the "Alien Versus Predator Game of the Week." In other words, it should be entertaining, with lots of offense and bad acting, but in the end, does anyone care who wins?
"Only those people with serious gambling habits," answers Panther coach John Fox. "This game may be forgotten by those wishing to see a game with playoff implications, but there are people out there who actually put money on games like this. We've got to give them our best, else they may end up with cracked kneecaps, or worse, in a gambling addicts support group. Now, I'd like to introduce my good friend Pete Rose, who is here to convince my team that there is still something to play for, even though we are 1-7."
Rose enters the room in a full sprint, and arrives at the podium with a head-first dive. Fox signals him "safe", and Rose then entertains with a 30-minute speech convincing the Panthers that by betting on themselves, they will be motivated to play harder.
"And, by the way," Rose adds, "don't buy the Alien Versus Predator DVD and try to bet on the winner. I did, but that DVD has alternate endings, so it was a push. And, oh yeah, the same goes for Freddy Versus Jason, too. "
Rose should be in the Hall of Fame for that information alone, not to mention the 4,256 hits.
The only thing that could make this game interesting (besides Pete Rose showing up dressed as a chicken and being pile driven by professional wrestler Kane -- it did happen) is if actress Sigourney Weaver arrived and challenged California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to a fight. Weaver beat the alien in Aliens, and Arnold took care of the Predator in Predator, so, naturally, they should meet for the universal title. My money would be on Weaver. And mine is on the 49ers.
San Fran wins, 30-27.
Minnesota @ Green Bay
As Brett Favre jogs onto the lukewarm tundra at Lambeau Field, the sounds of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" herald his entrance.
"Sabbath rules, man," Favre says, pumping his fist. "They kick ass! If I had a cigarette lighter, I would light it and hold it high in the air. What are they playing this song for anyway? Are professional wrestling icons The Road Warriors here?"
Sooner than he'd like, Favre has his answer, as he is lifted onto the shoulders of Road Warrior Animal. Road Warrior Hawk then climbs onto the crossbar in the east end zone and delivers a flying clothesline, sending Favre somersaulting backwards, landing him face first in the grass.
Favre bounces back up, brushes himself off, and says, "Is that all you got, Hawk?!"
Road Warrior Hawk sheepishly replies, "Give me a break, Favre. I've been dead for over a year now. Incidentally, I think they were playing that song in homage to you, since you're preparing to start your 182nd consecutive regular season game, despite numerous injuries."
"Hey, where's my helmet?" Favre asks.
"You're wearing it," replies Road Warrior Animal.
The Vikings enter Sunday's game headed in a different direction than the Packers. The Vikings have lost two-straight; the Packers currently have a three-game winning streak. A Packer win and there's a tie atop the NFC North.
"What?! This game is for first?" asks Randy Moss. "I better get out there. Oooh! I think I just tweaked my hammy! Looks like I'll be on the stationary bike on the sidelines Sunday. You know, I tried to steal one of these when I was younger, before I knew what 'stationary' meant. I couldn't figure out why that bike wouldn't move, even though I was pedaling 90 miles per hour. I got arrested and spent the night in jail. Ah. Good times."
The number in the Viking's win column remains "stationary." Favre throws two touchdown passes, and Ahman Green rushes for 100 and a score.
Green Bay wins, 31-24.
N.Y. Giants @ Arizona
The Giants blew a golden opportunity last Sunday to pull within one game of the Eagles by losing to the Bears, at home, no less.
"Yes, it was a golden opportunity," adds Giants defensive end and gap-toothed ambassador Michael Strahan. "We pissed away a 14-0 lead, then the Bears shut down our run game, then they dropped a golden shower on Kurt Warner, forcing him into two interceptions and two fumbles. That's the Kurt Warner we're all familiar with. You know, it's games like this that discourage me into quitting football and pursuing my first love, competitive watermelon seed spitting. I think I could be a superstar in that field, as well. And, what do you know, I just found out I'm out for the season with a torn pectoral muscle. Competitive watermelon seed-spitters: watch out!"
The Giants may indeed be headed for a tailspin. With upcoming home games against the Falcons and Eagles, followed by road games against two of the league's best defenses, Washington and Baltimore, New York is nearing its toughest stretch of the season.
"That's why it is imperative that we not necessarily work harder, but work smarter," Giants coach Tom Coughlin says.
"That's like the dumbest line I've ever heard," comments Tiki Barber. "That's the kind of crap you say to a team of accountants, not a football team. I'd go slap Coughlin now, but I just don't feel like running suicides."
If Arizona can beat the Giants, and St. Louis beats Seattle, then the Cardinals would only be one game out of the NFC West lead.
"Come on, man," a dubious Dennis Green says, "you're jiving me."
I'm serious Dennis. Go check the standings.
"Dang, you're right. Thanks, pal. You just wrote my pre-game speech."
If that is, in fact, what Green says to his troops before the game, it works. A fired up Arizona squad frustrates the Giants, and Coughlin just stands on the sidelines muttering, "That's pathetic." Rising big-timer Larry Fitzgerald has a 100-yard receiving day with a TD.
Cardinals win, 24-23.
Buffalo @ New England
"Normally, I don't use this kind of language except with my grandchildren," explains New England head coach Bill Bellichick, "and it pains me to use such profane verbiage. But damn! I just made Mike Martz my bitch!"
Bellichick easily outsmarted St. Louis' resident self-proclaimed genius Mike Martz in leading the Patriots to a 40-22 destruction of the Rams.
"And the cool thing was," Bellichick explains, "I only used 20 percent of my brain to do so. And half of that 20 percent was spent on this week's Buffalo game plan. Let me count the ways in which I bitch-slapped Martz: uno, dos, tres, catorce. Yeah, that's right. There were 14, but I'll just give you the top three. First, I use wide receiver Troy Brown as a defensive back, and he dominates. Then, Brady throws a TD pass to linebacker Mike Vrabel. Finally, kicker Adam Vinatieri throws a TD pass to WR/DB Troy Brown. I thought about allowing Corey Dillon to kick a few extra points, but I didn't want to rub it in. Martz is a tool."
Yes, I agree. But if Martz is a tool, what is Buffalo coach Mike Mularkey?
Well, besides having a last name that means "nonsense," Mularkey would be a viable candidate for Rookie Coach of the Year -- if you didn't count the first six games of the year. But, in all seriousness, Mularkey has turned around the Bills' early season misfortune. Willis McGahee is the man, and his running has taken much of the pressure to pass off of Drew Bledsoe. Play action is back in Buffalo. And the Bills' defense is for real. All that being said, the Bills are playing the defending NFL champs, which translates into a loss no matter how you look at it.
New England wins a physical battle, 20-16.
Philadelphia @ Dallas
"It's tough being T.O.," laments Terrell Owens. "People either love me or hate me. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what I like best: being loved or being hated. It's just as cool to me to sign an autograph for a little kid as it is to slap a heckler across the face. All I know is I love me. Win, lose, or draw, Terrell Owens goes out and plays hard and always produces."
He continues, "The people that hate me got on my case last week for not having a good game. I tell them: check the stats. I caught seven passes for 53 yards. On the surface, that may not look like much, but dig a little deeper. You'll see that Donovan McNabb only had 109 yards passing. I had almost half of his passing yardage! And I wasn't yelling at Donovan on the sidelines. I was just trying to keep him positive. I was talking to him with a smile on my face. I don't know how people get the idea that I was criticizing him. Damn, it's tough being T.O."
On Monday night, the Eagles look to re-establish their dominance at the expense of the reeling Cowboys, who are tied for last in the East.
"Hold on man, T.O.'s got a lot more to say. I know the Cowboys, like everyone, will be gunning for me. I'm sure everyone remembers me running to midfield and posing on the Dallas star. That was awesome. I'm sure Keyshawn Johnson has some silly mockery of me up his sleeve if he scores. And that's a big if. But so what if he mocks me. I loved it when Hines Ward imitated me last Sunday. Damn, that's just more publicity for me. Did anybody get on Ward for mocking me like they got on me for mocking Ray Lewis? No? My point exactly. It's the old double standard. But T.O.'s not going to change. You can best believe I've got a touchdown celebration in store, and, like always, it will be a shock to all. Except me."
Enough said. Owen's doesn't disappoint, and after a first quarter TD reception, he rattles the crowd with a routine reminiscent of former Cowboy Butch Johnson's "California Quake" with a little Michael Irvin swagger thrown in.
Eagles bounce back from last week's defeat, and level the Cowboys, 30-16.
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