Slant Pattern Touches the Wire

Dateline Oakland, CA

So Tim Brown's retiring.

I'm surprised this isn't bigger news. He spent last year with the Bucs, and will now sign a one-day contract with Oakland so he can retire a Raider.

These one-day contracts that allow you to retire with the team that made you are becoming more and more common, and I find it sort of strange. Last year, Oakland decided Brown couldn't play anymore, and Brown essentially replied, "Fine! Screw you! I can still play! I'm going to go to a team that believes in me! I ... oh, it turns out I can't play after all. Take me back so I can retire with you, O team that told me to hit the road!"

Even if I were totally delusional about my ability to still play at a high level at age 59, I'd reward the team that enabled my delusion to the bitter end. In other words, if I was Rickey Henderson, that's right ... enshrine me in Cooperstown as a San Diego Surf Dawg.

Dateline New Orleans, LA

Tuesday, July 5th was pay day for the Saints. Literally. To the tune of $12 million dollars, which they receive annually. Not because they dumped salary through a trade. Not because they won some sort of lawsuit. The State of Louisiana pays the Saints to stay put. So many of us complain about taxpayers funding stadiums ... how about your tax dollars going directly to pay the salaries of the players, from the big fan in New Orleans to the pensioner's widow in Shreveport? It's a populist pundit's dream. I can hear the indignation all the way from up the Atlantic coast.

Dateline Boulder, CO

If you had any sympathy or inclination towards siding the University of Colorado in their case against the women who were allegedly raped at a football recruit party, consider that Colorado had to be ordered by U.S. District Magistrate Judge Craig B. Shaffer to turn over their documents related to the case. In making the decision, Shaffer said he was "struck by defense counsel's lack of candor." I'm having a hard time imagining this as being anything other than Colorado has something to hide.

Dateline Dearborn, MI

You might've heard of Dana Quigley, golf's ironman. Unlike any other golfer on a major tour, he plays in every event, every week. On his days off, he's on the golf course with his family. When his nephew, Brett Quigley, mentioned possibly skipping the Sony Open in January, Dana chided him into playing. Thus, it's not enough that he has to live and die on the golf course, everyone around him does, too. Quigley mentioned there's a 50/50 chance he will take his first Tour event off that he's been eligible for since 1997 — 287 events. I find his record and his attitude dubious, to say the least.

Dateline Las Vegas, NV

We wrap up the Slant Pattern this week with a sad note, another boxer dies in a bout, the fifth in Nevada alone since 1994. Martin Sanchez was knocked out in the ninth round by Rustam Nugaev, but he seemed okay until he started walking funny. Then brain surgery couldn't save him a short time later.

Can one person tell me with a straight face that headgear shouldn't be worn in the pro ranks as a matter of mandate, that a few deaths should stand in the way of tradition?