Larry Brown, Sanitation Engineer

How much is Larry Brown being paid, again?

It's funny — high-paying jobs are high-paying for all sorts of reasons. Some, like brain surgeon, require great skill and years of training. Some, like airline pilot, come with great responsibility, particularly in times of crisis.

Some, like garbage collector (traditionally some of the highest-paid unskilled laborers), are simply unpleasant ways to spend a day. People wouldn't do them if they didn't get a decent benefits package out of the deal.

These days, Larry Brown's job at the helm of the New York Knicks falls into all three categories, and with every passing Isaiah Thomas transaction, Larry looks more and more like he should be slinging plastic bags into the back of a truck.

This week, Bijan C. Bayne wrote a column reconsidering the coaching legacies of Pat Riley and Larry Brown, and Bijan hands part of the blame for the Knicks' continued fall from grace to their newly-minted coach.

I'm not sure if he's right or wrong to dump New York's woes on Larry's lap, but what's certain is that the Knickerbockers are becoming more intriguing — you know, like an eight-car pileup on the New Jersey turnpike is intriguing — every day.

Face it, Knicks fans. You're going to reach that awful moment sooner or later. Perhaps some of you already have. It's the morning you wake up, flip your television to the nearest sports ticker, and exclaim to the world, "Damn, it must be nice to be a Clippers fan!"

At Alcoholics Anonymous, this moment is called "rock bottom." In this case, the first step toward recovery is to admit that your general manager has a problem and that you are powerless to stop his seemingly wanton destruction of a once-proud franchise.

The Knicks' recent descent from pitiful to absurd hasn't been simple or easy, and to analyze the full extent of the damage (i.e. contemplating the player-by-player ineptitude of this roster) would require many chapters and hours of therapy for the researcher.

However, it seems that the recent acquisition of Steve Francis from the Orlando Magic typifies the ice-seeking course that this ship has been charting for some time.

Don't get me wrong — I like Steve Francis. Heck, he's a three-time all-star and immediately raises the talent level on this team.

But surely Isaiah got to see the Athens Olympics! He gets NBC in his office, right? He watched a star-studded U.S. hoops team that was better at every position than each of its opponents get trampled under foot by teamwork and coordination, right?

Even if he didn't see it, I imagine Larry could give him a pretty vivid firsthand account.

With Steve Francis and Stephon Marbury in its starting backcourt, New York now has one of the most physically-talented guard units in the NBA. Will the Knicks win any more games? Well, that depends...

Do they get to play against the U.S. Olympic team?

Let's examine the numbers to view this impending disaster at ground level, shall we?

First of all, Steve Francis isn't going to revolutionize this offense. "Franchise" is scoring 16 points per game this season and shooting just over 43 percent from the floor. The shooting is the same as it ever was, but this isn't the same Francis that could pick the Rockets up and lead them to the playoffs by himself.

Perhaps that's the guy Isaiah thought he was getting. The Knicks' GM really needs to watch more basketball.

Nonetheless, Francis ability to score points isn't the question. His 16 points, coupled with Marbury's 17-plus, should take some pressure off New York's young frontcourt.

The real question here is chemistry. The Knicks can score. They put up almost 95 points a game — nothing earth-shattering, but certainly not the reason they're on pace to win 22 games.

What they can't do is pass the ball. They rank last in the league with 17.25 assists per game.

Well, if there's one word you could associate with a Starbury-Franchise backcourt, it would be "passing."

Huh? Do Knicks officials actually look at their roster before making trades? Are they even remotely familiar with the term "areas of need?"

Yes, Marbury fans, I know what you're about to say: Stephon Marbury does pass the ball.

You're right, to a certain extent. Marbury has handed out 6.5 assists per game this year, and his career mark (8.2) is a lot better than that. However, the fact remains that the Knicks are a case study in stationary basketball, and adding another gunner to the backcourt (Francis is averaging 5.5 apg) isn't going to turn them into the Phoenix Suns any time soon.

Then, there's the flip side of the passing equation. The Knicks may not be able to pass the ball to each other, but they've had opposing teams' jerseys in their crosshairs all season. The Knicks are the only team in the NBA to notch more turnovers per game than assists, a fact which is no doubt helping opponents score a whopping 101.6 points against them each night.

While Francis isn't a huge fan of the pass, he has been known to be generous with the other team. You'll find his name just a few ticks above Marbury's on the league's list of turnover fanatics. At 3.3 per game, he is the NBA's third-leading offender and so should be the perfect antidote for a Knicks offense that already struggles to hold onto the ball.

To recap, New York is a middle-of-the-road offensive team that doesn't pass, can't play defense, and gives the ball away like they're allergic to cow.

To save the day, Isaiah Thomas (and Larry Brown, if you choose) have imported Steve Francis, a free-shooting No. 2 guard who treats the word "pass" like a four-letter word (well, you get the idea) and turns the ball over more frequently than anyone currently on the roster.

What could go wrong?

Larry, keep your hands and feet inside the truck.