Even knowing as much as I do about baseball, there are still certain things I just don't get.
One of them is why players wear sunglasses on top of their hats while in the field, and another is how the Oakland Athletics could possibly have let reliever Eric Plunk get away during the 1989 season, when they were destined to acquire hurler Joe Klink the following year.
That baseball fans missed the chance to tune in and see Klink and Plunk warming simultaneously in the bullpen ranks right behind Thurman Munson and Josh Gibson on baseball's great list of "what ifs."
Think about it: not only would the duo have been a commentator's dream, not only would they have delighted fans, but they would've undoubtedly had every auto parts maker and mechanic in the Bay area beating each other with mufflers over sponsorship rights.
But it wasn't meant to be.
Luckily, life is full of second chances and in a sport where names can sometimes be half the fun, this is a great time to be a baseball fan.
Consider the fortune of Florida Marlins fans. Yes, the club's come down to Earth after its surprisingly hot start, but every night the six fans sitting near the home bullpen at Dolphins Stadium get to holler some pretty funny stuff.
Never mind that the team already boasts Dan Uggla (who's actually a little bit uggla), and Reggie Abercrombie (I've never seen him in street clothes). But when Rolaids brings you a pitching change, it's really more like comic relief.
Randy Messenger hasn't exactly delivered with his 1-6 record, though rookie Anibal Sanchez has been a pleasant surprise, and teamed with fellow rookie teammate Hanley Ramirez could soon have the Marlins devouring opponents.
With an ERA of 6.43, Renyel Pinto hasn't given Florida's staff much of a lift, but luckily, he hasn't spontaneously combusted on rear contact either.
And speaking of crashes, in a sport with as much superstition as baseball, what do you think manager Joe Girardi's comfort level is when he gets on the phone and says he wants Taylor Tankersly to get up?
I really hope I live to see the day when a manager in a tight spot decides to go to his bullpen ace and says with a straight face, "Get me Tankersly."
Then again, how much worse could it be to say that than to have a mess on the base paths and call on a Putz. That's what they do in Seattle, where closer J.J. is helping to make good on the missed Klink and Plunk opportunity of almost two decades prior.
Never mind that Putz insists his name is pronounced like "puts," as in, "puts down the side." But as renowned sportswriter Peter Schmuck once noted: "Yeah, and my name's Shmuuk."
Besides, there's nothing interesting about "Puts," but a Putz with a high-90s fastball, 22 saves, and a 2.32 ERA, now that's a commodity. Add it to the fact that his set up man is Emiliano Fruto, and we're really cooking with oil.
Seattle isn't a great team and shouldn't be in too many relevant games down the stretch in 2006, but with their youth, the combination of Fruto and Putz should be good for years to come.
And probably good for a few tears of laughter too, assuming Tim McCarver ever does color for one of their games.
When it comes to names, that guy's such a putz.
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