Thursday, August 31, 2006
NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 24
Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth blew the competition away in Bristol, winning both the Busch series Food City 250 and the Nextel Cup Sharpie 500. He nearly overtook Jimmie Johnson for the Nextel points lead, but he now trails by only seven.
"If Jimmie Johnson were a planet," says Kenseth, "he would be Pluto. And like Pluto will soon be officially stripped of its planetary status, Jimmie will soon lose his status as points leader. Anyway, I plan to follow Tony Stewart's footsteps and be the next driver to win Cup crowns in both the old and new formats."
2. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson finished 10th at Bristol and officially clinched a spot in the Chase, which begins September 17th in New Hampshire. However, Johnson's points lead is now only a scant seven points over Bristol winner Matt Kenseth.
"I've got Kenseth breathing down my neck," says Johnson. "While some people, like Kurt Busch's wife, may find a NASCAR driver's hot breath appealing, I find it appalling. So my goal in the next two races is to put a little distance between myself and Matt's breath."
3. Kevin Harvick — About midway through Saturday night's Sharpie 500, Harvick felt the right front air pressure suddenly go down on his No. 29 Chevrolet. Luckily, the wall was in a forgiving mood, and the damage to the car was workable. A few timely cautions and quick work by Harvick's crew, and a potentially disastrous event was turned into a near-top-10 finish.
"Usually, car meeting wall spells doom," explains Harvick. "Not this time. In real world terms, it's like the car was chocolate and the wall was peanut butter. Slam those together and you get a delicious combination, much like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup."
4. Kyle Busch — Busch made the biggest forward jump in the points, advancing three spots to fourth, thanks to a second-place finish at Bristol. Kyle's rise was inversely proportionate to the fall of brother Kurt, who started on the pole, but blew a transmission and finished 37th.
"I've been telling Kurt since I could speak, which happened to be after I could drive," says Busch, "that I was the better racer. Maybe now he'll believe me. Hey Kurt, see you in the Chase. Uh, maybe not."
5. Jeff Gordon — Gordon led 41 laps on his way to a fifth-place finish in the Sharpie 500 at Bristol. Late in the race, Gordon tangled with the No. 10 car of Scott Riggs, and the two had a somewhat serious discussion after the race.
"I just told Scott that we were acting," says Gordon, "and he was playing the role of Matt Kenseth, or he was going to get shoved. If he refused, I was going to smack that silly soul patch off his chin."
6. Denny Hamlin — The rookie recorded his sixth-straight top 10 finish, taking sixth at Bristol and improving his points position from eighth to sixth. He now trails Jimmie Johnson by 429 points, and while he hasn't officially clinched a spot in the Chase, it would take disasters in the two upcoming races for him to fall out of the top 10.
"It's really quite an honor to drive for Joe Gibbs," says Hamlin. "And I think he's glad to have me as a driver. Judging by the looks of the Washington Redskins this preseason, it looks like Joe's best chance for a championship is in racing."
7. Jeff Burton — Burton led 263 of the first 381 laps, but his car unceremoniously lost its handling thereafter, and he slid steadily down the leaderboard, eventually finishing ninth. Still, he gained two places in the points, and he now sits in seventh, 435 out of first.
"The handling went south on my car pretty quickly," says Burton. "I felt as helpless chasing the leaders as Roscoe P. Coltrane chasing the General Lee. My pit crew had no solution for the problem ... maybe Cooter could have figured it out."
8. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Earnhardt was the biggest gainer from qualifying position to finish, coming from 40th to finish third, which boosted his Chase aspirations considerably. He moves up one spot to ninth, 448 points out of first.
"It's good to be out of the ten spot," says Earnhardt. "It's no fun being the 'Bubble Boy.' I'll gladly leave that to Mark Martin anyday."
9. Tony Stewart — Stewart finished two laps down on his way to a disappointing 22nd at Bristol, and he fell three places in the points to eighth. Stewart is 443 points behind points leader Jimmie Johnson, and 97 ahead of Kasey Kahne in 11th.
"At this stage in the season," says Stewart, "it is disappointing to have a finish that jeopardizes our Chase hopes. But it's downright embarrassing to finish behind Michael Waltrip. For that matter, behind Ken Schrader, Dave Blaney, Travis Kvapil, and Kevin Lepage.
10. Mark Martin — Bristol was cruel to Martin, and his 28th-place finish greatly damaged his position in the points. He fell all the way from fourth to tenth, but is a solid 90 points ahead of Kasey Kahne in eleventh place.
"First, I get penalized for pitting out of my box," says Martin, "then I get wrecked on a lap 210 restart. Then, I find out that Jeff Gordon pitted out of his box, just like me, and was not penalized. What should I expect? I'm a rapper in Tennessee. I should expect unfair treatment."