What if Jeremy Lin Wasn’t an Asian?

Jeremy Lin is the biggest story in the NBA right now, mostly because of his play, but unfortunately, also because of his race. Lin is a Asian-American, and some athletes, most notably boxer Floyd Mayweather and Dallas Maverick Jason Terry, have openly stated that Lin's heritage has made him a bigger story than he deserves.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, except when that opinion contains an offensive racial slur. That was the case when an ESPN Mobile headline, "Chink in the Armor," hit the Internet ahead of a story about the New York Knicks' loss to the New Orleans Hornets in which Lin had 9 turnovers. The author of the headline was fired, and an ESPN anchor who used the phrase on the air was suspended.

ESPN's actions were politically correct. Furthermore, in keeping with the politically correct movement, the right course of action would be to cease the use of all headlines and phrases referencing Lin's race or heritage. But that wouldn't be any fun, would it?

Doing so would deprive the world of such potential headlines like one that details the life of a player of Asian descent in a sport dominated by African-Americans, "'Charlie' and the Chocolate Factory." Or the tale of Lin's quick rise from unknown to NBA superstar, "Lin's Slope to Success Highly Inclined."

Yes, those headlines are offensive, and quite so. But when something is offensive, must we always go on the defensive? No. In some situations, countering offense with even more offense is more effective.

Lin, and others of Asian heritage, have suffered enough. Duty calls, and that duty is offending other races in an equal manner.

Let's pretend that Lin is not of Asian descent, and, theoretically, has ancestors of other worldwide races. What other offensive headlines could we expect were Lin, say, German, English, Hispanic, or Italian, for example? Would the uproar be the same? You be the judge.

* If Lin were of Mexican descent, then a story of his seamless adaptation to newfound fame would certainly be entitled "Spic and Roll: Lin Taking Fame in Stride."

Or a piece hailing the Hispanic hero's uncanny shooting skills, designated "Nothing But Wet(back): Lin Swishing From Long Range."

* If Lin were Italian, a story describing his emergence as a fan favorite could be headlined "Sis! Goom! Bah!: Fans Love Jeremy Lin."

Or, a story chronicling Lin's unwavering work ethic, honed in his hardscrabble upbringing in Genoa, Italy could regrettably be titled "Do Wop: Lin's Hard Work Pays Off."

Better yet, a story advocating Lin's ability as a pure shooter, headlined "When Jeremy Lin Shoots the Balls, Dago in."

Finally, it would be a crime if a story on Lin's mercurial rise to stardom in New York wasn't entitled "Guinea Vidi Vici: Lin Takes the Big Apple by Storm."

* Let's say Lin is Caucasian, and the Knicks are quite satisfied with his performance. It's a story worthy of the front page, as long as the title is "Honky-Dorry: Knicks Pleased With Acquisition of Lin."

Or a story about New York Knicks revenues increasing because of the sudden spike in tickets sales of fans clamoring to see Lin. Surely it would be entitled "Whitebread and Butter: Knicks Reaping the Benefits of Lin's Popularity."

* Fans of a Jewish Lin would certainly want to wear the same athletic gear as their hero. Comparisons to Michael Jordan would soon follow, and a headline proposing a Nike ad campaign called "Be Like Kike" would not be far behind.

Of course, the above-mentioned Terry would one of many doubters of a Jewish Lin's skills as a player. Luckily, we could read all about it in a piece called "Don't Believe the Hymie: Terry Says Two Weeks Does Not Make a Career."

* Lin as an Irishman? Who wouldn't be a fan of that? An article discussing Lin's quickly-growing fan base? It would be called "Paddy Wagon: Fans Flock to Lin Phenomenon." Lin's subsequent surprising win in the slam dunk contest could affectionately be titled "Irish Spring: Lin Wins Dunk Title."

* If Lin were a Romanian, and Dick Vitale penned an article on a particularly impressive Lin dunk, it would surely be titled "Gypsy-Doo, Dunk-A-Roo: Lin's Aerial Skills Are Spellbinding."

* A German Lin? Indeed. A headline describing a hot-shooting Lin leading the Knicks to a blowout victory? "The Kraut is on: Sizzling Lin Leads Knicks to Blitzkrieg."

* A Lin who hailed from Britain would be the subject of a story chiding the Golden State Warriors and Houston Rockets for waiving him. The title? "Bloke's on You: Warriors, Rockets Regret Releasing Lin."

Or a possible story illustrating the advantages and disadvantages of being a streaky shooter, called "Limey Up, Limey Down: The Hits and Misses of Jeremy Lin."

* Lin's Japanese heritage would be referenced in a story hailing his buzzer-beating three-pointer to shock the Heat called "Nip of Time: Lin's Three-Pointer Falls as Time Expires."

* You can't play in the NBA and not be able to talk a little trash. If Lin was a Canadian, the story would have to be called "Canuck and Jive: Lin Walks the Walk and Talks the Talk."

Or should a Canadian Lin's career fizzle out, leading to a disappointing fall from grace, the headline should read "From Hoser to Poseur: Knicks Bench Lin."

* If Lin were an Inuit, and his fame as an NBA player made him a favorite of NBA groupies, then a lighthearted piece on the situation could be called "Eskimo Pie: Women Throwing Themselves at Jeremy Lin."

* How about a Jeremy Lin from France? "Oui!" Marv Albert would say. And the article describing Lin's fearless manner of play would be dubbed "Feeling Froggy: Lin Takes on All Comers."

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