The Super Bowl Six-Pack

Last week was rough. No football for the first time since early August was difficult to manage, and if you say the words "Pro Bowl" then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Nonetheless, the two-week wait is almost over, so we can all wrap up our table dances at the Pink Pony, and get ready to head over to the Mercedes Benz Stadium for Super Bowl LIII. But, before we do, we answer the six key questions on everybody's mind. Welcome to the Super Bowl Six Pack.

What is the key to the game?

I'm going to say it's the Rams pass rush, and in particular, Ndamukong Suh. The Patriots offense is a well-oiled machine, but we've seen them slowed when their timing is interrupted. Of course, that's easier said than done, especially with their strategized dink-and-dunk offense that seemingly always ends with a wide-open receiver or the defense misdirected entirely.

If the Rams want a shot in this one, they're going to have to get pressure on Tom Brady from all angles. Aaron Donald, as advertised, is an absolute beast. That means he's going to get double teamed more than Lisa Ann in a schoolgirl outfit. In turn, Suh will be faced with one-on-one matchups throughout the game, and will have to win his battle quickly to disrupt the Pats' timing. If he and the rest of the defensive front are able to do that, they'll be able to better dictate the flow of the game and make Tom Brady uncomfortable.

Is Todd Gurley going to be Todd Gurley?

This one's tricky. Todd Gurley has been avoiding questions about his knee, but I mean, what else can explain his lack of touches and production in the NFC Championship game? C.J. Anderson has filled in valiantly, but there isn't more of a dual-threat in the league than Gurley when he's at full strength. It's without question that if he were healthy, he would have been more involved.

Still, he's not on the injury report leading up to the big game, and he will have had two weeks to rest since his last appearance. I think C.J. Anderson will remain involved, but I'm going to guess that Todd Gurley will look more like himself in the Super Bowl. That'll be big for the Rams.

How hype are you for Maroon Five?

I'm super pumped. Apparently, they'll be joined by Travis Scott and Big Boi, as well. I have to say, I don't know who Big Boi is, but I bet if he were in the NFL, he'd be pegged as an interior lineman.

Back to Maroon Five, though. What's with all the backlash? Adam Levine is like the hottest guy I've ever seen, and I say that in the most heterosexual way possible. "This Love." "She Will Be Loved." "Harder to Breathe." I don't want anybody talking to their performance or you and your awful spinach dip you made will be kicked out of my Super Bowl party.

Bill Belichick and Sean McVay walk into a bar. Who leaves with the hot chick?

This seems like an easy answer. You have to go with the younger, better-looking guy with a perfect beard and just the right amount of hair gel, right? Wrong. I think McVay can probably bag, but I don't see him taking down the greatest of all time. Belichick would be so nonchalant with that take-it-or-leave it attitude, that any female would instantly attracted to his lack of interest. And that's what gets you the girls, folks. McVay, on the other hand, would probably be so antsy and jumpy asking thousands of questions that he's legitimately interested in the answer, though it will come off as him probably being on a bunch of coke. Bill takes this one.

Who paces the Patriots backfield?

Since Sony Michel and Rex Burkhead's returns from injury, the Patriots have truly been a three-headed monster. And with that, James White's unbelievable start has since faded a bit. However, I'm going to go with White in this one. Though he has mostly been relegated to his third-down role, I think he sees the field often against Los Angeles. Don't forget his 3-touchdown performance over the Falcons in the Super Bowl two years back. The Rams have a similar type of speedy defense, which bodes well for quick-hitters and misdirection plays to White out of the backfield. I can see him being the x-factor for the Patriots in this one.

Final Score / MVP Prediction

Patriots 31, Rams 23

Tom Brady is your MVP. I'm sorry for not going out on a limb, but we all know this is the correct answer.

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