Thursday, August 5, 2021

Foul Territory: A Dash, Some Cash, and a Rash (of Injuries)

By Jeffrey Boswell

* "The Lakers Now Have a "Big Three," But No One to Make the Big Three" — The Los Angeles Lakers acquired Russell Westbrook from the Washington Wizards in exchange for Kyle Kuzma, Montrez Harrell, and Kentavius Caldwell-Pope and the 22nd pick in July 29th's draft. So, while exchanging four players to get one, the Lakers acquired a player who takes 4 shots to hit one.

* "There's Not a Zamboni on Earth That Could Smooth This Over," or "Oh No! She Didn't" — The NHL is investigating allegations that San Jose Sharks forward Evander Kane bet on his own games and intentionally tried to lose to win bets. When informed that the allegations came from none other than his wife, Kane replied, "What are the odds?"

* "He Ran Pasta Field," or "Italian Medallion" — Italy's Lamont Marcell Jacobs won the Men's 100-Meter dash to take the Olympic gold on Sunday night. When he returns to Italy, Jacobs is certain to be "mobbed."

* "First to Worst" — The Detroit Pistons selected Oklahoma State guard Cade Cunningham with the first pick in the NBA Draft on July 27th. Cunningham will look to dazzle fans in the Little Caesars Center, where a $6 pizza pretty much describes the quality of pizza and basketball.

* "He'll Be Off His Feet, Which Makes Him Injury-Prone" — Indianapolis Colts quarterback Carson Wentz will undergo surgery on his injured left foot and will miss 5-12 weeks. Offensive lineman Quentin Nelson was also diagnosed with the same injury. It appears the Colts' season is off on the wrong foot, which is pretty bad considering there's only one to walk on.

* "Bull Fit" — The Chicago Bulls signed free agent guard Lonzo Ball on a four-year, $85 million deal in a sign-and-trade agreement with the New Orleans Pelicans. As part of the agreement, the Bulls get LaVar Ball.

* "United States (0 Canada) 1" — Canada beat the United States 1-0 on Monday to reach the gold medal game in women's soccer. In their quest to win the gold medal, the Americans fell a "goal" short.

* "Splash For Cash" — Golden State's Steph Curry signed a four-year, $215 million extension, making him the first player in history to sign two $200 million contracts. Now, when Curry spots up for a three-pointer, he'll be even more "locked and loaded."

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