Thursday, November 10, 2022
NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 10
Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
Atlanta @ Carolina (+3)
The Panthers surrendered 5 Joe Mixon touchdowns in a lopsided 42-21 loss to the Bengals in Cincinnati. P.J. Walker struggled in the first half, and was replaced by Baker Mayfield, who tossed 2 second half TDs.
"I think everyone knew Mixon was capable of exploding," Steve Wilkes said. "Mostly from his college days, and mostly because of his temper.
"Baker looked good in relief. P.J., on the other hand, did not look good. In fact, you might as well call him 'P.J. Walkon.'"
The Falcons rushed for 201 yards, with 2 touchdowns from Cordarrelle Patterson, but were hindered by two turnovers in a 20-17 loss to the visiting Chargers.
"Some say our offense relies too heavily on the run game," Arthur Smith said. "You could probably replace 'too heavily' with 'solely' in that sentence, and it would still be accurate.
"Clearly, having the 30th-ranked passing offense in the NFL will eventually be this team's downfall. But I'm still gonna 'run with it' and see where it takes us."
Panthers win, 22-20.
Seattle @ Tampa Bay (-2½)
The Seahawks beat the Cardinals 31-21 at Lumen Field, led by Geno Smith's 275 yards passing and 2 touchdowns. Seattle leads the NFC West with a 6-3 record, ahead of the 4-4 49ers in second place.
"We've got a long flight to Munich, Germany for this game," Smith said. "It's a pretty long trip, and I can assure you, I didn't work out at all during the flight. Here's something else that 'didn't work out:' the Broncos trade for Russell Wilson."
The Buccaneers snapped a three-game losing streak with a gutsy 16-13 win over the visiting Rams. Tom Brady's 1-yard TD pass to Cade Otton with 9 seconds left gave the Bucs the win.
"I surpassed 100,000 career passing yards," Brady said. "I call it the 'Jason Pierre-Paul of NFL records,' because it has six digits.
"This will be the first NFL game played in Germany. This is a big deal. And citizens there who've never seen me play football are in for a big surprise, because when they see this 45-year-old version of me play, they're gonna say 'What's the big deal?"
Buccaneers win, 23-18.
Minnesota @ Buffalo (-7)
The Jets shocked the Bills 20-17 at MetLife Stadium, delighting a raucous Jets crowd. Josh Allen rushed for 86 yards and 2 TDs, but tossed 2 interceptions as the Bills lost a full game in the standings to each of the other three AFC West teams.
"If you would have told me before the game that we'd lose to the Jets," Allen said, "I would have replied, 'Surely, you J-E-S-T.'
"I had two terrible interceptions against the Jets. They were so bad, I can probably say for certain that those passes were the most accurate a Jets pass catcher has seen this year."
Kirk Cousins passed for 2 touchdowns, and Justin Jefferson had 115 yards receiving and a score, as the Vikes beat the Commanders 20-17 at FedEx Field. It was Cousins first game in D.C. since leaving for Minnesota in 2018.
"No matter the circumstances," Cousins said, "it's always a good feeling when you're leaving Washington.
"I revived the 'You like that?' chant after the game. You probably saw me celebrating after the game while shirtless and wearing a bunch of gold chains. It may be the first time someone shirtless and gold-chained looked even more like a nerd."
Bills win, 27-24.
Detroit @ Chicago (-3)
Jared Goff passed for 2 scores, and the Lions picked off Aaron Rodgers 3 times in a 15-9 Detroit win at Ford Field. The victory snapped a five-game slide for the Lions.
"Our offense thought it was great that our defense showed up," Dan Campbell said. "Our defense thought it was great that the Packers offense showed up.
"Hey, what do Jared Goff and Justin Fields have in common? Neither will be the starter in Detroit next season."
The Bears lost a 35-32 shootout to the visiting Dolphins. Justin Field passed for 3 touchdowns, rushed for 1, and piled up 301 total yards.
"Justin did everything," Matt Eberflus said. "But not everything right. The only thing he did wrong was make our defense go back on the field ... several times.
"We added a new weapon by trading for Chase Claypool. And if there's anything the city of Chicago needs more, it's another weapon."
Bears win, 28-23.
Denver @ Tennessee (-3)
The Broncos had a Week 9 bye and are 3-5, third in the AFC West.
"We're ready for the 'stretch run,'" Russell Wilson said. "Those are also two things I do on a flight from London.
"But it should be a great matchup seeing Derrick Henry going up against our defense. That's like the irresistible force meeting the immovable object. Some fans in Denver wish that I were the 'removable object.'"
The Titans jumped on the Chiefs early, but couldn't hold on and lost 20-17 on Sunday night. Derrick Henry rushed for 117 yards and 2 touchdowns, but their passing game offered little help as Malik Willis threw for only 80 yards.
"I thought Malik handled himself well considering the circumstances," Mike Vrabel. "He's raw, but he's willing to learn. I can't tell you how many questions he asked to get comfortable with the offense. Some he asked more than once, like his favorite question, which was 'Who exactly am I throwing to?' His second favorite question: 'Why again is A.J. Brown playing in Philadelphia?'"
Broncos win, 22-17.
Jacksonville @ Kansas City (-9½)
The Jaguars came back from a 17-0 second quarter deficit and stormed back to beat the Raiders 27-20 in Jacksonville. Travis Etienne rushed for 109 yards and 2 touchdowns, as the Jags snapped a five-game losing streak.
"I'm not one to yell," Doug Pederson said, "but sometimes, players just need a good kick in the behind. Not literally, but figuratively, and I clarify because Urban Meyer is literally a moron.
"We traded for Atlanta's Calvin Ridley on November 2nd. Now, we know Ridley isn't eligible until 2023, but I think it's appropriate to say we're betting on our future."
The Chiefs ground out a tough 20-17 win in overtime over the visiting Titans on Sunday night. Kansas City held the Titans to a single field goal in the second half, and Patrick Mahomes' scrambling ability proved crucial late in regulation and in overtime.
"Patrick led the team in passing yards with 446," Andy Reid said, "and rushing yards, with 63. If you didn't already know, he is an awesome athlete, and an awesome reminder that our rushing attack sucks.
"Thanks to the Jets, we are tied with the Bills for the top spot in the AFC. They, of course, have the tiebreaker based on their head-to-head win against us. We're in this position because we lost to the Colts in Week 3. That's one we'd like to have back, which is what the Colts will soon be saying about their choice of an interim head coach."
Chiefs win, 30-22.
Cleveland @ Miami (-4½)
The Browns had a Week 9 bye and are 3-5, third in the AFC North.
"We really need to turn our season around," Kevin Stefanski said. "But 'help is on the way.' You might think that means Deshaun Watson will be playing soon. That may be true, but 'help is on the way' is what we say here when Myles Garrett has been driving.
"And speaking of Deshaun, he is eligible to start on December 4th. When that happens, we'll put our hands over our crotches, face the nearest courthouse, and pledge allegiance to a new quarterback."
The Dolphins outgunned the Bears 35-32 in Chicago, as Miami survived a Justin Fields onslaught. Fields accounted for 301 yards of total offense and 4 touchdowns.
"Fields is unlike any other quarterback in this league," Mike McDaniel said, "except when he's playing our defense. Then, he's just like all the quarterbacks in this league, because they all torch our defense.
"But we've got a pretty good quarterback in our own right with Tua Tagovailoa. Nine games in and I think Tua has mastered our playbook. That's because he's learned it three times after forgetting it twice."
Miami wins, 29-26.
Houston @ NY Giants (-6½)
The Texans hung tough against the visiting Eagles on Thursday night before fading in a 29-17 loss. Houston fell to 1-6-1.
"You could say we made it interesting," Lovie Smith said. "That is, for most people. Brandin Cooks? He was not interested.
"Houston businessman Mattress Mack won $75 million betting on the Astros to win the World Series. Of course, I don't condone betting, but if you think you can win $75 million on us to win the Super Bowl, then you better be willing to bet upwards of $20."
The Giants had a Week 9 bye and at 6-2, are chasing the 8-0 Eagles in the NFC East.
"We've surprised a lot of people this year," Brian Daboll said. "But trust me, we've got some even bigger surprises. You could even call them 'giant surprises.' And it's gonna be different than a 'Giant surprise,' which is what happens when a gun accidentally goes off in Plaxico Burress' pants."
Giants win, 24-20.
New Orleans @ Pittsburgh (+3)
The Steelers return from a Week 9 bye looking to turn around a thus far disappointing 2-6 season.
"I think the worst is behind us," Mike Tomlin said. "I'm referring to the NFL standings, which means there's not much behind us.
"Correction, I spoke too soon. The worst is actually in front of us, because we play the Colts in Week 12.
"On the bright side, however, the soonest possible date we would have to face A.J. Brown again is Super Bowl LVII on February 12, 2023."
The Saints lost 27-13 on Monday night to the Ravens in the Superdome. The New Orleans offense mustered only 243 total yards, a season low, and fell to 3-6.
"You know things are bad," Dennis Allen said, "when you go from being an initiator of a bounty program to the target of one."
Steelers win, 23-20.
Indianapolis @ Las Vegas (-6)
The Patriots dominated the Colts 26-3 in Foxboro, as the New England defense sacked Sam Ehlinger 9 times and returned an interception for a touchdown. On Monday, the Colts fired head coach Frank Reich and named Jeff Saturday interim coach.
"Obviously," Saturday said, "the Pats knew our offense was lacking. Jonathan Taylor is hurt, and the state of the Colts passing game means our quarterback is the only easy target.
"Hopefully, a change at the top can be a spark for this team. I think I bring a unique set of skills and intangibles, crafted and honed by zero years of actual NFL coaching experience. My qualifications are impeccable, I mean invisible. And I can say for certain that no NFL coach in history has had his taint touched by Peyton Manning as many times as me."
The Raiders blew an early 17-0 lead to the Jaguars, then went scoreless in the second half and eventually fell 27-20. Las Vegas is 2-6, 0-5 on the road, and in last in the AFC West.
"I think we've reached the point in the season," Davante Adams said, "when the players call for a 'players only' meeting. Derek Carr, on the other hand, called for a 'prayers only' meeting."
Raiders win, 21-19.
Dallas @ Green Bay (+5)
The Cowboys face the Packers after Dallas' Week 9 bye. Dak Prescott is fully healthy, the Dallas defense is dangerous, and the 6-2 Cowboys are chasing the 8-0 Eagles.
"I'm looking forward to returning to Green Bay," Mike McCarthy said. "It will be cool to relive old times, and I'm sure I'll do that, because I'm sure people will tell me to leave, just like the did back in 2018."
Jared Goff outplayed Aaron Rodgers in the Lions 15-9 win over Green Bay. Rodgers had 3 interceptions as the sluggish Packer offense wasted another strong effort from the Green Bay defense.
"It's times like these," Rodgers said, "when I whip out the card that says 'R-E-L-A-X,' flip it over, and read the back of that card, which says 'P-A-N-I-C.'"
Packers win, 23-20.
Arizona @ L.A. Rams (-3)
The Rams couldn't hold a late 13-9 lead, giving up a Tom Brady TD pass that gave the Buccaneers a 16-13 win. Los Angeles fell to 3-5, 2½ games behind the division-leading Seahawks.
"Our prevent defense is lacking," Sean McVay said. "The 'prevent' part, specifically. But take it from Jalen Ramsey, our defense can only do so much. He's right. If our defense is guilty of anything, it's keeping our offense on the field.
"You probably heard we tried to trade for Christian McCaffrey, but lost out to the 49ers. Apparently, we can't beat them at anything."
The Seahawks whipped Arizona 31-21, handing the Cardinals their fourth loss in their last five games. Arizona is 3-6, last in the NFC West.
"We're a far cry from the team that finished 11-6 last year," Kliff Kingsbury said. "And speaking of 'last year,' this is probably mine as head coach. And speaking of 'finished,' I will be soon. And speaking of 'Far Cry,' that may be a video game that Kyler plays too much."
Cardinals win, 24-20.
L.A. Chargers @ San Francisco (-7)
Cameron Dicker's 37-yard field goal as time expired gave the Chargers a 20-17 win over the Falcons at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Los Angeles is 5-3, one game behind the Chiefs in the AFC West.
"Common sense said kicking the field goal was the right play," Brandon Staley said. "But just to be sure, I had my analytics team quickly crunch the numbers, and they told me going for it on fourth down would be a horrible idea, especially since it was second down."
The 49ers return from their Week 9 bye at 4-4, a game-and-a-half behind the 6-3 Seahawks in the NFC West.
"We're not quite breathing down their neck," Jimmy Garappolo said, "but we're hot on their tails, which means we're breathing down another part of their body.
"We're thrilled to have Christian McCaffrey. In Week 8 against the Rams, he had a rush TD, a receiving TD, and even threw a TD pass. He's doing the job of three players. I can barely do the job of one."
San Francisco wins, 28-24.
Washington @ Philadelphia (-8½)
The Eagles pulled away after a first half tie and beat the Texans 29-17 on Thursday night at NRG Stadium. Jalen Hurts passed for 2 scores in the second half as the Eagles improved to 8-0.
"Much like a can of Yuengling that's been lost in your refrigerator," Hurt said, "we came out flat. But we put up 8 points in the fourth quarter to close the deal, which is something that works for the Eagles, but not the 76ers."
The Commanders lost 20-17 to the Vikings at FedEx Field in Kirk Cousins' return to D.C. Washington fell to 4-5, last in the NFC East.
"Daniel Snyder says he has 'dirt' on other NFL owners," Ron Rivera. "So, Snyder actually paid someone to determine that other NFL owners are just like him. Pretty much everyone could have told him that without needing a private investigation firm."
Eagles win, 31-21.