When the Browns got blown out 34-10 in Jacksonville on Sunday, it dropped Cleveland 2.0 to 3-24-1 straight up and 10-18 against the spread (using the "consensus opening line" as the measuring rod) lifetime in what the NFL officially calls "Kickoff Weekend."
It also marked the team's sixth blowout loss in Week 1 — a loss by 21 points or more, a standard invented by Dan "The Genius" Gordon four decades ago.
Only once have the "New Browns" reached the Elite Eight in their 28-year-history — and that was in the "COVID Year" of 2020; but hey, "America's Team" hasn't gotten to the Final Four since 1995 — as fans of one team in particular will be more than happy to point out.
The least the Browns could do to improve would be to hire a head coach with a proven record of knowing what he's doing: Kevin Stefanski was 46-58 in six years with Cleveland; but only on January 5 of this year was he fired — yet he was hired by the Falcons just 12 days later. How come neither Sherman Smith nor Ted Cottrell ever even got a first chance — let alone a second?
And what was Doug Pederson, ring and all, doing in January? Plus he even quarterbacked the Browns in 2000 — and while Cleveland might not be the hottest spot for a man who wants to be an NFL head coach: as Ted DeBiase, professional wrestling's "Million Dollar Man" of the 1980s, liked to say, "Every man has his price."
In the Jacksonville debacle, the Jags reeled off 31 unanswered points before Cleveland kicker Andre Szmyt booted a 26-yard field goal with 8:34 left in the third quarter (Jon Gruden would be proud of Stefanski for doing that!), and after the Jaguars answered with a field goal of their own, the "play of the day" from Cleveland's perspective came when, on the first play after the two-minute warning, Deshaun Watson, he of the massage parlor scandal (which if nothing else proved that illegal touching can result in a lot more than a loss of down), found Denzel Boston (no relation to fellow wide receiver David) for a 46-yard touchdown reception to make the final score cosmetically close — as if a 24-point loss even meets that description (guess Watson wasn't worth an unprecedented three first-round draft picks).
The "Clowns," as many have dubbed them, were a 7 1/2-point underdog on Sunday — and things get even worse in Week 2, as they have opened as 8 1/2-point underdogs at Tampa Bay (unfortunately for them, however, they will not get the opportunity to complete a "hat trick in reverse" by playing at Miami this year).
Cleveland's home opener is against Carolina on September 27, and four days later comes their lone prime time game of the season, also at home, against Pittsburgh (five teams get no such games at all this season — Arizona, Las Vegas, Miami, the Jets, and Tennessee — an unusually high number of teams that play all their games on Sunday afternoons).
The Dawg Pound is just that, for all the wrong reasons — and things are not likely to change anytime soon.
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