By Piet
Van Leer
Sunday, December 29th, 2002
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Wasn't that New Orleans Bowl great? Man, I couldn't get up to leave my television
with all the drama of any mid-December Cincinnati/North Texas
heart-stopper. The 19,024 fans that packed the stadium were having a blast
while all the pageantry and tradition of the bowl games were being kept in
tact, cheering on their prized student-athletes.
Speaking of student-athletes, Chris Rix received a rude wake-up call
when he was told he would be suspended for whatever bowl game Florida
State would be playing in due to his failure to wake up for an final.
Yet another prime example of why we absolutely cannot play football in December,
unless of course, it's a bowl game.
And how about that Mike Riley? You would think that someone without
a winning record in five seasons as head coach would jump at the chance to
coach his alma mater, especially if it was Alabama! Instead, he turned
the Crimson Tide down, electing to vie for the UCLA job, which was
given to Karl Dorrell.
Now Riley will remain as the defensive backfield coach with the New Orleans
Saints, and isn't he doing a fantastic job! With another Saints collapse
this year, Riley's status only figures to rise. Hell, when Larry Coker
leaves, maybe Riley will fill the head coaching vacancy at Miami!
The only disappointing part of UCLA's hire was that Walt Michaels,
Joe Walton, Bruce Coslet, and Richie Kotite were denied
the opportunity to unseat Pete Carroll as former Jets Head
Coach turned Prince of Los Angeles.
Speaking of USC, congratulations to Carson Palmer. The West Coast
bias has been lifted. Except, of course, in awards that matter. The Heisman
is very nice, but I bet Palmer would rather prove that USC is the best team
in the country instead of hypothesizing about it, and would gladly give Ken
Dorsey the damn trophy in exchange for playing the 'Canes.
Dorsey was decidedly unhappy with the results, finishing fifth, third in
quarterbacks. I think that's pretty good, considering his numbers were not
better than either the winner or runner-up, Brad Banks.
To make matters even worse, Dorsey had an easier schedule to look more impressive
than the two. Palmer did have a bad game against Kansas State, but
he was spectacular in games against Colorado, Washington State,
and Notre Dame. Every one of those teams is ranked higher in the BCS
than any of Miami's opponents.
Not to say that the Heisman winner should face the toughest schedule, but
the Heisman-elect should have the most impressive numbers of the finalists.
Dorsey didn't, and no matter how many times people say, "One career loss
as a starter," the Heisman trophy is not a lifetime achievement award.
This isn't the Oscars, although Ken Dorsey could never rival Elia
Kazan's career of great movies and snitchdom. Unless he's the one who
ratted out Bam Morris, Nate Newton, and Justin Levasseur.
What difference does the Heisman make, anyway? Since 1989, the quarterbacks
who have won it are Andre Ware, Ty Detmer, Gino Toretta,
Danny Wuerffel, Chris Weinke, and Eric Crouch. Does
Dorsey really wish to continue that legacy?
Plus, the joke's really on Palmer. With his resume, the Bengals will
be forced to draft him or risk expulsion from the league. Palmer will now
join the QB graveyard in Cincinnati that features David Klingler and
along with the more recently deceased Akili Smith, and a thousand
others.
So take heart, Ken Dorsey, maybe the Rams will draft you and turn
you into a wide receiver. Or punter. But take comfort in the fact that when
you go down to that dark river of death and chill waters dampen your feet,
you may be able to say looking back over your past life, "I didn't have to
play with the Bungles!"
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