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And if you're looking for that official Red Ryder Carbon Action 200 shot range model air rifle, forget it. You'll shoot your eye out!

Atlanta: A front-row ticket for the playoffs for 'Reef. Once again, that's the only way he's going.

Boston: A few more Vin Bakers.

Chicago: Eddy Curry not to turn into Stanley Roberts.

Cleveland: Somebody to pull an L.T. and order hookers for the other team so they can finally win on the road.

Dallas: To be mysteriously transplanted to the Eastern Conference so that they reach the finals.

Denver: A shot of reality. 'Melo may be all that, but you've been drinking way too much eggnog if you think they're making the playoffs.

Detroit: A shot of tequila. Taking Darko Milicic with the second pick is a decision that would drive anyone to drink.

Golden State: Some Prozac for Nick Van Exel to keep him happy.

Houston: For Rudy T. to get his due. A players' coach and a true warrior, his words still ring true today. "Don't ever underestimate the heart of a champion."

Indiana: Not much. Isiah who?

L.A. Clippers: A healthy Elton Brand.

L.A. Lakers: For them to keep playing well so the Kobe Bryant situation stays in the background.

Memphis: A muzzle for Bonzi Wells.

Miami: Talent.

Milwaukee: Some love and national respect for Michael Redd.

Minnesota: To get some chemistry, to gel, whatever you want to call it. The point here is that a team with this much talent should be playing better.

New Jersey: A .500 record. If not that, then a one way ticket for Byron "I Can Get a Team to the Finals, But Can't Win it" Scott.

New Orleans: Some serious MVP consideration for Baron Davis.

New York: A miracle. In other words, they need a lot more than Antonio McDyess.

Orlando: A win. Any win. For the love of God, Santa, get them a win!

Philadelphia: For the Atlantic division to remain as pathetic as it is now (not one team over .500).

Phoenix: An identity.

Portland: Team homing devices that come with matching ankle bracelets.

Sacramento: A championship.

San Antonio: To clone Tim Duncan.

Seattle: For Ronald "Flip" Murray not to sober up and stay in the zone.

Toronto: For Jalen Rose to get traded. Again.

Utah: A Coach of the Year award for Jerry Sloan if he keeps this team above water.

Washington: To keep Michael Jordan as far as away from the franchise as possible.

As for me, I wouldn't mind doing something in Paris for the holidays. Hilton, that is. Merry Christmas!

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