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It used to be a Sunday afternoon game, but now there is a full program for the proceeding Saturday. Saturday's activities now include a skills contest, in addition to the three-point contest, the rookie game, and the slam-dunk contest. All-Star Saturday has produced some of my fondest NBA memories.

Whether it was Spud Webb defying gravity, or Magic's last game in 1992, or Vince Carter's dunk display, or Larry Legend's three-point acumen, the All-Star Weekend has always provided great moments. However, I admit to being a bigger cynic than sentimentalist so I came up with some all-star improvements that coincide with my gray view of existence.

First of all, let's start with the rookie game. Rookies battle sophomores in a game that features no defense and very little passing. Yippee! I'm dying to see the Chris Kaman/Nene battles down low. Let's spice it up this year. How about adding a spelling contest at halftime? Since most of these guys are straight from one year of college or from some foreign country, a spelling bee would be dazzling.

Any player who misspells a word gets voted off the team for the second-half. So, theoretically, Dwayne Wade could be playing one-on-five against the sophomores. "Can you spell Cavalier? Don't look at your jersey!"

Another innovation would be to have a retro game between the rookies and the old-timers. Carmelo Anthony backing down 800-year-old Bob Petit would make for great TNT drama. "Here comes LeBron (James) on the break and ... oh no ... Jack Sikma just broke his hip trying to take a charge ... that's taking one for the team, Sikma." "Roy Tarpley is going through withdrawals and he has Darko Milicic in a choke hold, while he's yelling 'get out of my car, bitch.'" Someone had better call John Lucas.

The skills competition is a complete joke. Running through some obstacles, throwing bounce passes, and shooting mid-range jumpers aren't true tests of one's skills. How about instituting some real life obstacles? For instance, the player starts the course rummaging through a dumpster filled with fish guts and pigs feet in an attempt to outfit his entourage with Rolex watches and throwback jerseys that are interspersed throughout the entrails. Then he has to pick out the gaudiest platinum chain and matching earring while drunk and blindfolded.

After that, the player must go to a club, cheat on his wife, and give the requisite, "I made a mistake" speech to the press, in less than 42 seconds. Finally, he must smoke an ounce of weed on his way to filming a "Reading is Fundamental" commercial, after which he must get his coach fired because of creative differences. Now those are real skills.

Next up is the three-point contest. I actually think this is my favorite part of All-Star Saturday because it really showcases focus and shooting prowess. However, that doesn't mean that it can't be improved upon. Is anybody up for the idea of a moving basket? How about digging a moat around the three-point line and filling it with piranha and gold-digging girls from music videos.

If the player foot faults, there will be serious repercussions. I've even researched the idea of making each player wear a monocle and a top hat for aesthetic value. Let's show the world our athletes have class. While they shoot, they must recite a famous Shakespearean soliloquy. "Peja (Stojakovic) from the top of the arc ... cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war ... that man brings such life to Mark Antony."

Lastly, there is the slam-dunk contest. Two words: ice skates. Here goes two more: tequila shots. Try these on for size ... shards of glass and bed of nails. Let's up the danger coefficient to improve the ratings.

Well, all of these ideas remain open to suggestion because I don't meet with David Stern until after the Finals in June. So send me your ideas and enjoy the All-Star Weekend.

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