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NFL - The National Felon League

By Will Meadows
Saturday, October 5th, 2002
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The fourth week of the NFL season has come and gone, and there are many questions and few answers, plus a few felonies to commit along the way. Today, we will look at some of the criminals in our society who are employed by the National Felon League. I will also share my views on a team that is so bad it should be a crime for them to step on the field.

By now, we have all heard the story of Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Randy Moss' little traffic incident. We even saw the prodigal receiver shed a few tears while being the featured interview on ESPN. He was sobbing away as he told ESPN's Andrea Kramer that he is not the bad person everyone makes him out to be.

A reputation is earned by actions taken and Randy's actions have given him a reputation as being a bad person. He was kicked off Notre Dame's and Florida State's football teams while in college. And believe me, you have to practically kill somebody to be kicked out of Florida State's football program. This same person was quoted as saying, "I play when I want to play." No matter how many tears or apologies, it is hard for me to want to root for this guy on the field or like him as a person off the field.

He never apologized to the traffic officer he continuously bumped with his Lexus SUV before he was arrested. Instead, Randy apologized to practically the whole state of Minnesota at a press conference.

It was also reported that a very small amount of marijuana was found in his vehicle. He claims that it was not his; it belonged to a friend who borrows his vehicles from time to time. Come on, Randy, whether it was yours or not, you are responsible for your possessions and your actions. Mr. Moss, you need to grow up and accept responsibility for your actions. Your money cannot insulate you from the outside world when you do something that society deems irresponsible.

I want to believe Randy Moss when he says he is not a bad person, but it is hard to accept him as this choirboy when his past actions tell otherwise.


Out west, the Raiders have always been known for their cast of characters on and off the field. The latest in a long line of criminals for the Raiders is Sebastian Janikowski. He was recently arrested for drunk driving. This is just his most recent transgression. He collapsed in a nightclub last year from an apparent overdose to the drug GHB.

He is illustrious another alum of Florida State. During his time in Tallahassee, he was suspended for curfew violations at the Sugar Bowl. He was also involved in some kind of drug related activity while attending school for the Seminoles.

Let me remind you that he is a kicker, a freaking kicker, for crying out loud. Most kickers are just trying to stay out of the way of their teammates; this guy apparently is trying to lead his team in arrest. He is a great role model for any aspiring athlete trying to be all you can be in jail.


Now this is one of the more bizarre stories to come along in a while. The Jacksonville Jaguars have had a case of mistaken identity recently. Their two sports psychologists hired by head coach Tom Coughlin are not really sports psychologist at all.

It appears Chad Bohling and Trevor Moawad has put the wool over the Jaguars' eyes. They claimed they were licensed sports psychologist. Uh oh, it appears they will be going to jail. It is a felony to claim you are a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.

I know Jacksonville has had recent salary cap problems and has lost many key players, but this is ridiculous. I guess they were trying to save some money and hired Dumb and Dumber claiming to be trained licensed sports psychologists.

I can see it now. "Uh, coach I don't have any confidence in my blocking today, what should I do?" "Don't worry, son, go see the team psychologist, err ... con men."

Head coach Tom Coughlin said, "Chad and Trevor had been doing a great job for the team." Whoa nelly, backup the wagons. A great job? Come on, Tom, I have heard some whoppers, but this one takes the cake. I have news for you. Your team is not that great to begin with. All you have done is beat the lowly New York Jets. Do not start patting yourself on the back for beating that sorry overhyped team.

Apparently, those two clowns have done quite a number on your judgment. Keep up the good work, Tom Coughlin, I am sure there will be a pink slip for you in the near future.


Please, please somebody put me out of my misery. I am scarred for life because I have seen the Cincinnati Bengals play. This is by far the worst NFL team I have ever had the misfortune of seeing with my own eyes. Horrible does not even begin to describe how bad this team is.

Through four weeks, they have managed to be outscored 119 to 23. They are averaging 5.8 points per game. The University of Cincinnati could whip this sorry team.

Speaking of sorry, I feel sorry for the good players that have to go to practice and actually represent the Bengals. Corey Dillon is one of the top five running backs in the league, and Takeo Spikes is all-world as a middle linebacker. Can you imagine having to drag yourself out of bed every morning and going to practice knowing you might not win a game all year?

But, things are looking up for the Bengals. Jon Kitna has been named starting quarterback for the rest of the season. Bengal quarterbacks Kitna, Gus Frerotte, and Akili Smith all should be banned from ever setting foot in an NFL stadium. They have an average quarterback rating of 43.3. And don't you get 20 points for just being alive?

If you see a Bengal game on television this year, please do yourself a favor and change the channel. But if cruel and unusual punishment is your sort of thing, go ahead and watch the lowly Cincinnati Bengals. Enjoy this weekend's games.

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