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I used to be the biggest anti-fantasy player in the game. Not only would I never involve myself in "Fantasy Sports", but if I knew you played them, there is a good chance I was going to poke some fun at you.

I still don't like fantasy sports. I will probably never like them. From an outsider's perspective, they seem ridiculous.

You draft a bunch of people, put them on a "team," and then compete against other "teams" by using statistics. I'll bet the same people who thought up Fantasy Sports also played Dungeons and Dragons and Video Football. People who weren't good enough to actually play the sports, but wanted to be able to say they were good at sports.

We have a name for that where I come from ... geek.

Oh yeah, and I am completely addicted.

My morning routine usually consists of this. Wake up, shower (15 minutes), dress (2 minutes), go to work (35 minutes), turn on computer (1-3 minutes), check e-mail (1-3 minutes), check fantasy baseball team, and last night's box scores (1-2 hour), start working.

You now know two things from this paragraph: (1) My boss does not know I write these columns and (2) I spend more time with fantasy baseball than I do real work before lunch. When it comes to baseball statistics, I'm like that guy at the lunch table that no one wants to talk to because I know more than everyone. This isn't a game people, it is an illness.

I used to watch baseball simply for the pure pleasure. I'm not afraid to admit that I'd rather see a 2-1 ballgame, as opposed to 11-9. I'll take an 11 K shutout over a three-homerun game any day. But now I don't watch for the joy of baseball. I'm too busy analyzing how many points Roy Halliday has earned me if he's pitched 7 innings with 9 strikeouts, but has given up 8 hits and two runs. AHHH! And heaven forbid the closer come in and blow the win for big Roy. I've actually yelled at the TV before when that happened, and I could care less about the Blue Jays.

The worst part about it is, I can't stop it. I'm completely out of my league at this point. There is almost no chance I can win. In fact, most people in the league have given up and haven't checked their roster since before Flag Day. Not me. Every morning you can find me sitting at my desk, adding up Mike Piazza's point total, or debating whether or not to drop Christian Guzman (he's going to break out, I just know it) for Mark Belhorn (dude can play anywhere in the infield).

Fantasy baseball has captured me like very few things can. At draft time, I couldn't sleep because I was wondering if Mo Vaughn should be ranked above or below Ryan Kelsko. Let it also be known that just because I am addicted to the game, does not mean I am any good. Stupid Mo Vaughn.

Fortunately for me, the baseball season only has a month left. In a month, I'll be free of my bindings. No more checking stats every morning. No more hiding the screen when the boss comes into the cubicle. I'll be just like everyone else at the office, spreading out my slacking time over the whole day, instead of just the mornings. From here on out, I'm free of any sort of "Fantasy Fever."

What's that you say? You're starting a Fantasy Football league? I've never played Fantasy Football before. I don't think I'd like it as much. Well, okay, I guess I can try it out. Where do I sign up?

Oh man, now what do I do? Do I start Michael Vick or Drew Bledsoe? Is Deuce McAllister worth the second round pick? Why am I checking stats on a Thursday, nothing has changed in the last three days?

Oh, crap.

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