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Tennis - A Look Back at the Future of Tennis

By Jeff Comer
Friday, February 7th, 2003
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1. After dominating the WTA tour for 10 years, losing only to each other, the Williams sisters' reign finally came to an end. Venus and Serena were banned from the WTA tour due to the astonishing discovery of their true sexuality.

The tennis community was baffled that this was not discovered earlier. Commenting on the scandal, Billie-Jean King stated that she did once see Serena use the bathroom in a far from lady like manner. When asked why she never spoke of what she saw, she replied, "Well, for one, it would have embarrassed her if the press knew she forgot to shut the stall door. Two, I figured if men can relieve themselves standing up, why can't women?"

When asked how they could do such a thing and not only lie but also deceive their loyal fans, the Williams sisters desperately cried, "Daddy made us do it!" Richard Williams responded calmly, "I've always been a fan of Dr. Renee Richards."

Other tennis celebrities commented on the scandal, as well. John McEnroe, when hearing the news for the first time, was said to have thrown his arms up in the air followed by shouting, "YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!" The ATP tour's number one, Andy Roddick, stated, "I hope they don't retire because I would totally like to see some new faces on the ATP tour. Dude, it could be good for men's tennis." Martina Navratilova with disappointment added, "I was just about to make my move."

2. Andre Agassi, after divorcing Steffi Graf and getting back together with former spouse, actress Brooke Shields, received an onslaught of harsh criticisms from the press and tennis community. Agassi, shortly after re-kindling his relationship with Shields, retired from the game still in the top-10 at the age of 43.

However, faced with the possibility of leaving the game with an impression that appeared to be unfavorable, Agassi decided to take action. He once again broke it off with Brooke Shields, begged Steffi to take him back, which she did, and obtained a wildcard to play in the 2013 U.S. Open.

When asked what it was that made him fickle enough to have such difficulty in making personal and professional decisions, Agassi, puffing on his Camel Red cigarette, was quoted as saying, "Image is everything." He then dropped out of the U.S. Open, fell back into retirement, broke up with Steffi, and began dating actress Winona Ryder.

3. After years of debating whether or not professional tennis should remove "lets" from the game, the year 2013 finally saw the infamous "let" transform into a "thing of the past" following in the footsteps of the eight-track player.

The rule will be implemented at the start of the 2014 circuit and little controversy has yet to be seen among players on either the ATP or WTA tour.

However, Lleyton Hewitt, the Aussie who was a teenage sensation, world number one, and currently a top-10 player, was asked in a post-five-hour match interview with John McEnroe, how he felt about this kind of change.

He expressed his disapproval of the possibility and that change was not necessary. McEnroe then explained to him how the removal of lets could make the game more exciting, matches quicker, and that it has been successful in junior tennis and even collegiate competition. Hewitt then asserted, "This is the ATP tour, not junior tennis." McEnroe replied, "True, but it does work on the collegiate level." Hewitt, confused responded, "Colgate? What does this have to do with toothpaste, mate?"

4. Jim Courier finally decided to put tennis commentating aside and he seriously pursued his career as a musician. Courier, believing in his talent as a musician, put himself on the spot as a contestant on American Idol and performed an original composition that he wrote about an old nemesis, Stefan Edberg, titled the "Swedish Sweetheart."

However, to his dismay, Courier's ego was shattered as Simon Cowell, who is usually downright brutal, honestly questioned Courier by asking, "Who put you up to this?" Courier, revealing his extreme sensitivity to criticism, ran off stage in utter tears. He has yet to commentate on a tennis match.

5. Although inevitable but rather unexpected, Anna Kournikova finally gave up on her poor attempt at becoming a tennis champion. After going 10 straight years without an appearance in the top-50, Kournikova decided to pursue a full-time career in entertainment. Kournikova's most notable project since her retirement was her leading role in the movie "First Service: Do You Hit it Hard or Soft?" It appears as if Kournikova finally found her true calling.

Let's hope that none of these events actually occur because the price for popularity just isn't worth it. Tennis is a game where respect is emphasized and as tennis fans we should take pride in that, popular or not. However, number five wouldn't be too bad, would it?

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