Foul Territory: Tarred and Featherbrained
April 25, 2014 by Jeffrey Boswell • Print Story •
* "Bye" Like Mike, or Big Apple Turnover — The New York Knicks fired head coach Mike Woodson and his entire staff on Monday. The team's front office said they hope to "Phil" the position soon.
* Smear Campaign, or This Cream is Not in the Clear, or Get a Grip — New York Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda was ejected from Wednesday's Yankees/Red Sox game after Boston manager John Farrell complained about the foreign substance on Pineda's neck. The substance turned out to be pine tar and Pineda was subsequently suspended for 10 games. Its looks like a black eye for the league, and a hickey for Pineda.
* He Didn't Get "T'ed Up," He Got "F'ed Up," or Nigerian Nightmare, or Tyrannosaurus Ex-pletive — Toronto Raptors general manager Masai Ujiri was fined $25,000 by the NBA for uttering an expletive at the Raptors pep rally before their home opener on Saturday. Apparently, in Ujiri's native tongue, there are 25 "G's" and only one "F."
* Full (of it) Back — Fifty-two-year-old former NFL running back Herschel Walker said he could still play in the NFL today. The Minnesota Vikings were immediately intrigued in acquiring Walker, this time for five fewer players and six fewer draft picks than it took the first time.
* "T" Pain — The Oakland Raiders traded quarterback Terrelle Pryor to the Seattle Seahawks for a seventh-round pick in next month's NFL draft. Pryor, at best a mediocre quarterback, is expected to "improperly benefit" by going from a team that went 4-12 last year to the defending Super Bowl champions.
* Dumbed Down — Mary Willingham, the reading specialist who questioned the literacy level of athletes who were admitted to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, says she's resigning at the end of the semester. University officials have requested that Willingham write her letter of resignation on a second-grade level so everyone affiliated with the university can understand it.
* Horse D'Ouevres, or Stylin' and 1¼ Milin', or I Went to a Fashion Show and a Horse Race Broke Out — Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski will cover fashion during NBC's coverage of the Kentucky Derby on May 3rd. Sexual predilections aside, the coverage is expected to be pole-to-pole.