The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Greg Biffle — Biffle's weekend in Sonoma would have to be called a huge success — not only did he capture the points lead, he did so by nearly matching his career best finish there, and he did it all after starting 41st on the grid. Biffle's 14th was almost as good as his 13th last year, and could have been even better if not for a late race caution.
"You know," says Biffle, "if NASCAR was the Tour De France, they would be fitting me with a skin-tight yellow jersey, and I would be making sweet music with Sheryl Crow. But, as it is, I'm not Lance Armstrong, and I'm nowhere near as marketable as the six-time Tour champ. Lance could sell a bicycle to a legless man ... me, I can barely sell a sub to a starving man."
Should Biffle win the Nextel Cup championship, he would be the third consecutive Roush driver to do so, following in the winning footsteps of Matt Kenseth and Kurt Busch. It seems that to drive for Roush and win a championship, only one requirement is necessary: a complete lack of charisma. Maybe that's why Mark Martin has never won a championship — he's got personality.
Biffle must now face the pressure of racing as points leader, not that there should be pressure. Leading the points when the Chase begins only gets you a five-point edge on second place — leading the points right now means even less. Shouldn't the points leader to start the Chase be rewarded with more of an edge than five points?
In his five career Nextel Cup races at Daytona, Biffle has been successful (12th last year in the Daytona 500, starting on the pole, and a win in 2003's Pepsi 400). The No. 16 National Guard Ford, like all of the Roush cars, has the horsepower to battle for the win against Stewart and what is sure to be a hungry Hendrick Motorsports contingent.
2. Jimmie Johnson — What promised to be a fruitful weekend for Hendrick Motorsports turned disastrous in the mechanical blink of an eye as first points leader Johnson, then teammates Jeff Gordon and Kyle Busch experienced transmission problems. After Gordon and Johnson consolidated the front row on Saturday, it seemed a Hendrick resurgence was bound to counter the recent Roush Racing dominance. But on lap 15, Johnson lost fourth gear, and his points lead soon followed into the land of the lost.
"The guys in the garage tell me it's called a 'transmission linkage,'" says Johnson. "I'm not sure what it does, but, without it, I was up the proverbial creek without a paddle, or in the outhouse without toilet paper, if you will."
Johnson's 49-point lead is no more, replaced by a 22-point deficit to Greg Biffle, and represents Johnson's first jaunt out of the lead spot in the points since Daytona. But don't worry, J.J. If your self-esteem needs a boost, just saunter in to a Walmart in NASCAR country and make note of the people with fewer teeth than eyes. You'll feel better in no time.
One thing is for sure: Johnson and crew will have a new transmission manufacturer for the Pepsi 400. In seven career starts on the 2.5-mile tri-oval at Daytona, Johnson has finished no lower than 18th, with four top-fives. Johnson is probably most anxious to get back into victory lane. At this point last year, JJ had three victories. His last win this year was in Las Vegas in March.
"For me," says Johnson, "it's time to step up, or get slapped."
Barring faulty car parts, expect Johnson to qualify on row two and challenge for his first Pepsi 400 win.
3. Tony Stewart — After leading the most laps three times previously this year, Stewart finally cashed in with his first win of the year, and first since last year at Watlins Glen. Stewart passed Jeff Gordon on lap 34, and then led 39 of the remaining 66 laps to win comfortably. Stewart's win was only the third this year by a driver not employed by Roush or Hendrick.
Stewart was not immune to the transmission issues that affected so many other drivers. On lap 80, he lost fourth gear, completing the race by driving with one hand and holding his shifter in place with the other.
"For that, I deserve a hand," Stewart says, taking a bow. "And to all you Tony-bashers, you get the finger. Wait a minute, the evil Tony on my left shoulder is overpowering good Tony on my right, and made me say that. I apologize. It will take me some practice for the kinder, gentler Tony to say goodbye to evil Tony. In the meantime, please don't call me Damien."
Stewart's win may be an omen of good things to come with Daytona up next on the slate. Stewart has three consecutive top seven finishes there, and has led the most laps in the last two Daytona 500s. Expect Stewart and Jeff Gordon to stage a battle for the win there.
4. Elliott Sadler — Richard Childress Racing was the only team to place two cars in the top 10, as Sadler, in sixth, followed teammate Dale Jarrett across the finish line. Sadler solidified his hold on the three spot in the points, and now stands only 177 behind new leader Greg Biffle. Last week, Sadler trailed then points leader Johnson by 250.
"Our stated goal entering Sonoma was a top-10 finish," says Sadler. "We achieved that, and then some. We also picked up the "USG Improving the Finish Award" for finishing 36 spots better than we qualified. That trophy means a lot to me. It'll go in the trophy case right beside the one I got for 'Best Country Accent' in the Emporia County Fair back in '94."
In February at Daytona, Sadler nearly cracked the top 10, with an 11th-place finish. Again, Sadler's intentions will be avoiding trouble on the track, finishing the race, and scoring a top-10 or better. Sadler, as well as teammate Jarrett, has shown an uncanny ability to complete races. Of all the laps ran this year, Sadler has completed all but 12.
5. Mark Martin — Martin's 15th-place finish maintained his fifth place standing in the points, but was still a disappointing result. After starting third and running primarily in the top 10, Martin was caught speeding on pit road and had to serve a drive-through penalty, which left him in 30th-place after time served. From there, Martin knew his fortunes would ride on fuel mileage. After gas and tires on lap 70, a top-10 finish was in the cards should the remaining laps transpire under green.
"I should have known better than to expect good luck," says Martin. "That pit lane speeding penalty took the wind out of my sails, a condition easily treated with a dose of Viagra. Like basically all NASCAR races, the difference in winning or losing in getting a lucky break in the pit sequence."
Martin held on to fifth-place in the points, 228 off of Biffle's total of 2,250. He has two straight sixth-place finishes at Daytona, and a world of experience. With a few breaks, he could pull out the win. With no breaks, he could still manage a top-10.
6. Rusty Wallace — Wallace's fourth-place finish, his third top-five of the year, improved his points position two notches, and he now stands sixth, 237 points below Greg Biffle. The No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge overcame an early fuel vent probe problem on its first pit service, and Wallace rejoined the race with less fuel in the tank than expected. This forced Wallace into an extra pit stop, six laps later, relegating him to the 33rd position when he re-entered. After gassing up on lap 65, Wallace expertly conserved fuel and made it to the finish without another stop. He even led 12 laps before succumbing to the advances of Stewart, Ricky Rudd, and Kurt Busch.
"Hey, look at my t-shirt," says Wallace. "It says 'Got gas?' Whatever you do, don't pull my finger."
Wallace is currently working on a five race streak of no finish lower than 11th. His 10th at Daytona was his best result there since his runner-up finish at the 2002 Pepsi 400. Daytona boils down to sheer horsepower, not fuel mileage. The No. 2 car won't likely be a threat to win, but a top ten is certainly in sight.
7. Kurt Busch — Busch was the only Roush Racing entrant to record a top-10, the first time only one Rousher made the top 10 since Richmond on May 14th, and only the fourth time it's happened all year. Busch crossed the line at Sonoma in third; Matt Kenseth was the next Roush driver in line, finishing 11th.
"Yes, I wish one of my teammates could have joined me in the top 10," says Busch. "Multiple Roush racers in the top 10 usually is an occurrence as frequent as an Osborne making a stint in rehab. Just as sure a Ozzy's speech is unintelligible, you can bet Roush will put at least two in the top 10."
Busch began the year at Daytona with a second place finish, then reeled off two straight thirds to take a brief, one-week stay atop the point standings. After that three race display of consistency, Busch began an erratic series of inconsistent performances, highlighted by a win at Phoenix, and lowlighted by a last at Charlotte. When he's good, he's great. When he's bad, he's berating officials and taking punches from Jimmy Spencer, while finishing last.
Busch is always fast at Daytona, and has a top-five at the track in each of the last three years. If he keeps a cool head and stays out of the inevitable "Big One," Busch is likely to be up front like he was in February.
8. Ryan Newman — For the second consecutive week, Newman finished a race better than he qualified, scoring a ninth after starting 11th. Newman held on to the number seven slot in the points, but was passed by fellow Penske driver and best friend Rusty Wallace.
"Thanks for ruining my day," adds Newman. "That's the only place Rusty will pass me, on a scoreboard. He'll never do it on the track, not on my watch. You know, there's all this talk about my team and I not sharing testing information with Rusty and crew. That's not true. I do share. Just last week, I tested on the same track with Rusty. Afterwards, I shared some info with him. I told him I was faster."
Newman has obviously not found a comfortable feel for the track at Daytona. His best finish there is a seventh in 2002, but he has five results of 20th or worse. What's more of an indication of Newman's struggles there is his lack of qualifying dominance. He did start ninth at Daytona in February, but previously started outside the top 20 on four occasions. If you're known as the "Rocket Man," you have to be faster than that on one of NASCAR's fastest tracks.
9. Carl Edwards — "Hot Carl" Edwards, coming off a win at Pocono and a fifth in Michigan, cooled considerably in Sonoma, with a 38th-place finish, two laps down. On lap 69, the No. 99 Office Depot Ford was caught behind a skirmish involving the No. 4 car of P.J. Jones and the No. 45 of Kyle Petty, suffering extensive right side damage.
"That was our downfall right there," says Edwards. "No offense to Petty and P.J. Jones, they were just racing. But what's the original drummer for Led Zeppelin doing racing on a road course? He's qualified to pound the skins, but not to rub sheet metal."
Uh, Carl, you're thinking of John Paul Jones. No worries, though. You're just a little dazed and confused. I know the wreck was a heartbreaker, but you've just got to ramble on to Daytona and regroup.
In Daytona in February, Edwards finished a highly-respectable 12th. With Roush power, and the confidence of being one of People magazine's 2005 Hottest Bachelors, Edwards can expect another top-15 finish.
10. Jeff Gordon — With five of his last points races ending with 30th or worse finishes, Gordon's efforts have been as misguided as Tom Cruise's comments on the psychiatric profession. The No. 24 car has experienced all types of bad luck in his skid, including a transmission failure in Sonoma that ruined his chances after leading the first 32 laps.
"I'm trying everything to break this spell of bad luck," says Gordon. "I'm wearing seven rabbits feet, 11 shamrocks, and I'm about sick of Lucky Charms cereal. You know, maybe opening that umbrella indoors and walking under a ladder while that black cat crossed my path has something to do with it."
Sonoma was Gordon's first chance to break the slump. Daytona is his second. He won the Pepsi 400 from the pole last year, and won there in February. Gordon has slipped to 14th in the points, 414 off the pace and currently out of the Chase. Gordon desperately needs at least a top-10 to get back on track. There's no question he'll qualify for the Chase. What he needs now is momentum.
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