NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 11

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jimmie Johnson — After a lackadaisical qualifying effort of 25th, Johnson charged to the front after the green flag dropped and was in the top five by lap 60. On lap 191, Johnson took the lead, and for the next 120 laps, he and eventual winner Greg Biffle took turns at the front. Biffle took the lead for good on lead 319, and Johnson finished fourth for his series-leading eighth top-10 of the year.

"Yep, things are looking up for me," Johnson beams. "I've got a comfortable 93-point lead in the points and we're headed to the track named after my sponsor, Lowe's, for two races. And I just signed a two-year extension to my contract. The only thing that could bring me down is a failed inspection, a drastic drop in Lowe's stock, or more eyebrow."

2. Tony Stewart — Riding a hot streak of five consecutive top-10 finishes, Stewart cooled slightly as he combated a continually loose No. 20 Home Depot Chevrolet. But as he has proven several times, a mediocre day for Stewart is still better than 90 percent of other drivers. He still managed a 12th-place finish, and maintained second in the points standings, 93 behind Johnson.

"Don't forget," says Stewart, "I did a 360-degree spin and survived without hitting a thing. Which just goes to show what a great driver I am. All these other drivers don't even spin and they hit things. Anyway, it's off to enemy territory, Lowe's Motor Speedway, a place that makes my skin burn, kind of like when Damien the Anti-Christ enters a church. But I'm much more intimidating than that guy. Damien may have the number of the beast, 666, on his head, but I've got the number of the best, 20, on my car."

3. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth qualified 31st on Friday, but obviously ate his Wheaties overnight and came out blazing on Saturday, assuming the lead on lap 114 and leading 64 laps on his way to a third-place finish.

Kenseth was the second of three Roush racers in the top 10, as Greg Biffle won and Mark Martin finished eighth.

"I'm happy with the result," says Kenseth, "but isn't it funny how even when I finish as high as third, I'm still overshadowed by my teammates? Let me explain. Biffle wins the race, Martin's got a rap song coming out, and Lowe's Motor Speedway president Humpy Wheeler picks Carl Edwards to win the Nextel All-Star Challenge on Saturday. And, of course, Jamie McMurray has nice hair. I can't rap and my hair is greasy, but can't Matt Kenseth get a little love around here? Maybe if I show up with corn rows, bust a rhyme, and actually win the All-Star Challenge, I'll get some respect. Word. Peace out."

4. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Despite battling a case of the flu, Earnhardt overcame the illness and managed a fifth-place finish. His fifth top-10 of the year moved him up one notch to fifth in the points, 226 behind Johnson.

"Well, I was hot-blooded, check it and see," says Earnhardt, "got a fever of 103. You want hear NBA stars quoting the rock band Foreigner, at least not intentionally, but here in NASCAR, people don't forget the classics. Anyway, I felt like my car looked in Martinsville, when I pulled out of third in a heavily damaged car. Go ahead and try this sometime: if you have the flu, put on a racing helmet. It will definitely keep you from vomiting."

5. Jeff Gordon — Gordon bounced back from his worst finish of the year, a 40th in Richmond, with his best of the year, a second at Darlington, where he had won six times previously. Gordon led only five laps, but closed the gap on Biffle in the race's final laps, but was unable to mount a serious attack after being held up by the lapped car of Ken Schader.

"That was a blatant block by Schrader," says Gordon, "And he was a lap down. I was of good mind to give him a good, hard shove after the race. But I remembered that Schrader is old school and probably wouldn't take no junk. And, he's an apt pupil in the Jimmy Spencer School of Self-Defense, where the only lesson is 'punch first, ask questions later.'"

Gordon moves up three spots in the points to sixth, 295 behind teammate Johnson.

6. Mark Martin — Martin scored his sixth top-10 finish with an eighth in Darlington, but as has been the case often this year, the No. 6 AAA team was unable to crack the top 5. Of all the driver in the points top 10, Martin has the fewest top-five finishes, with one.

"That's all about to change in Charlotte," says Martin. "Last year, I won the Nextel All-Star Challenge there, and I plan on repeating this year. It should be a magical weekend. The Red Hot Chili Peppers will be grand marshals for the all-star race and Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers will be waving the green flag. If you take the Chili Peppers and Steve Smith and put them in a blender, you get me, as a rapper. That's right, I rap. And my good friend Flava Flav of Public Enemy sent me this oversized speedometer to wear on a gold chain."

7. Kyle Busch — Busch scored his second-straight top-10 finish, following a fifth in Richmond, with a seventh in Darlington. In the previous two races, Busch had struggled with a 36th in Phoenix and a 32nd at Talladega.

"It's good to bounce back," says Busch. "Two good results following my problems in Phoenix and Talladega really gives us momentum. Like going a month with no run-ins with the law. That may be a Busch brothers record. I'll have to check our rap sheets to be sure. It's been awhile since a Busch brother had a run-in with the law or a fellow racer. That's about to change. With the exiting racing at Lowe's and the trouble with traffic just getting there, something is bound to happen."

Busch moves to seventh in the Nextel Cup points standing, 298 off of Johnson's pace.

8. Kevin Harvick — Just 30 laps in to the Dodge Charger 500, Harvick's crew noticed a pool of water in their pit stall after a stop. Further diagnosis revealed a punctured radiator, the result of a chunk of pavement hitting the front of Harvick's car. He finished 17 laps down in 37th and lost four places in the Nextel Cup points standing, down to ninth, 321 out of first.

"I sign a new contract with Richard Childress," says Harvick, "and then my luck goes downhill. I guess that's fate's way of saying I should have signed with Michael Waltrip Racing. I could be driving for the clown prince of car owners. Did you see Michael on 'Inside Nextel Cup' on Speed Channel? He was wearing flip-flops on the show! That's the kind of guy I want to drive for."

9. Kasey Kahne — After winning his third pole in Darlington, Kahne was a front-runner for the first third of the race, but after that, the handling of the No. 9 Evernham Dodge deteriorated. This situation was worsened when Kahne brushed the wall on lap 272, earning what is known as a "Darlington" stripe.

"The 'Lady in Black' strikes again," says Kahne. "Whomever calls this track a 'lady' has a low opinion of what a real lady is. This track is ugly, frightening, and difficult to like. But, if you consider Rosie O'Donnell a lady, then I guess it's okay to call the track a 'lady.'"

10. Greg Biffle — Biffle jumped six places in the points with his first win of the year, leading 170 laps to take the Dodge Charger 500. It was the fourth race this year in which Biffle led the most laps, but only the first in which circumstances fell in his favor. Biffle took the lead on lap 319 and didn't look back.

"This victory has been a long time coming," says Biffle. "I was so elated, I was expecting a call from the President. Of course, he didn't call, but I figured he's been listening in on my calls anyway, so it's like I've already talked to him."