Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson's worst fears were realized on lap three at Texas Motor Speedway, when contact between David Reutimann and Sam Hornish sent the No. 48 spinning. Johnson grazed the wall and rebounded into Hornish, severely damaging the Lowe's Chevy. After about an hour in the garage, Johnson returned in a rebuilt car, and eventually finished 38th. His points lead is now 73 over Mark Martin.
"I came to the Lone Star state as the 'lone star' of the Chase," Johnson said. "Instead of opening up a can of 'whoop ass,' someone else opened up a can of 'dumb ass.' But I guess I got what I deserved. When you choose to drive door-to-door with the likes of Sam Hornish, Jr., things like that happen. All too often in races this year, me, and other drivers, have found themselves asking 'What in the Sam Hornish is going on here?'"
"You probably noticed I remained in the car while my crew made extensive repairs. Was I uncomfortable? Heck now. With a 184-point lead going into Texas, I had a pretty nice 'seat cushion' to keep me happy."
2. Mark Martin — Martin finished fourth in the Dickies 500, his 13th top-five finish of the year. Martin entered the race 184 points behind Jimmie Johnson, but now trails by only 73 after an early accident left Johnson with a crippled car and a 38th-place finish.
"I think an updated version of a Led Zeppelin classic is in order after what happened to Jimmie Johnson," Martin said. "I just can't get the words of 'When The Chevy Breaks' out of my head. There's not doubt that when Johnson wrecked, the first words out of his mouth were 'I'll be dammed.'"
3. Jeff Gordon — Gordon started from the pole in the Dickies 500 and finished 13th, a disappointing result made more disappointing by teammate Jimmie Johnson's 38th-place result. Johnson wrecked early, opening the door for his pursuers to make up considerable ground.
"In addition to spinning trying to avoid Carl Edwards and Juan Montoya," Gordon said, "we also had trouble finding the right feel for the car. We never got the handling like we wanted it. So, considering Jimmie Johnson's early wreck, we had so much to gain, but everything 'too loose.'"
4. Kurt Busch — Busch took the lead in Texas with two laps to go when his brother Kyle ran out of gas, and the elder Busch claimed his second win of the year. Busch improved two spots in the Sprint Cup point standings, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 176.
"I've really have to give Pat Tryson credit for making the fuel call that won us this race," Busch said. "I guess he's the one that should be wearing the post-race '10-gallon hat.' Hey, do you know why the good Lord gave me ears? To keep this cowboy hat from covering my eyes."
5. Tony Stewart — Stewart fought his way to a sixth in the Dickies 500, as adjustments steadily improved the No. 14 Old Spice Chevy but never made it as fast as it needed to be to contend for the win. He is now fifth in the point standings, 178 out of first.
"We never could quite get over the hump," Stewart said. "But that hasn't stopped me from doing the 'Hump-ty Dance,' and I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. But I won't lie. I think in Phoenix, Jimmie Johnson will 'bounce back,' this time not into the path of Sam Hornish, Jr., and win in Phoenix, and all but clinch the Sprint Cup. Amazingly, that will be the third time in this Chase that Johnson has 'all but' clinched the title."
6. Ryan Newman — Newman finished 12th in the Dickies 500, and fell one spot in the point standings to ninth, where he trails Jimmie Johnson by 324.
"Jimmie Johnson's troubles added some drama to the Chase," Newman said. "I'm surprised Johnson didn't go the safe route like he did at Talladega. Apparently, he wanted to come in here and send a 'Tex' message.' But delivery was denied."
7. Juan Montoya — Montoya got loose on lap 174, hitting the wall and taking out Carl Edwards, with Jeff Gordon spinning to avoid contact. With considerable damage, Montoya's No. 42 Dodge was in the garage for lengthy repairs, and Montoya eventually finished 37th. He is now sixth in the points, 236 out of first.
"The car just went out from under me," Montoya said. "It was as if someone has 'Griese-d' the wheels. It looks as though the 'taco jinx' continues to curse me. 'Tex-Mex' wasn't on the menu here, but 'Tex-Wrecks' was."
8. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin scored his second runner-up finish of the Chase, finishing second behind Kurt Busch in Texas. Hamlin now trails Jimmie Johnson by 327 in the point standings with two races remaining.
"Hey, if you took out my four worst finishes in the Chase," said Hamlin, "I'd have four DNFs. But I plan on going for the wins in the last two races, not only for the glory, but also to build momentum for next year, although that momentum will probably be gone by December. I drive the FedEx-sponsored car, but I refuse to 'mail it in.'"
9. Greg Biffle — Biffle finished eighth in the Dickies 500, joining fourth-place finished and Roush Fenway teammate Matt Kenseth in the top 10. Biffle is seventh in the Sprint Cup point standings, 247 out of first.
"Who says the Chase format needs tweaking?" Biffle said. "What needs 'tweaking' is Jimmie Johnson, for even putting himself in that position in the first place. I think it's funny that although Johnson returned with a 'black hood' after his wreck, he was anything but an executioner."
10. Kyle Busch — Busch dominated in Texas, leading 232 of 333 laps before running out of fuel with two laps to go, giving the lead to his brother Kurt, who went on to win. The failed fuel gamble cost Busch a spot in history, as he was looking to become the first driver to sweep the truck series, Nationwide, and Sprint Cup races at one venue.
"In my situation," Busch said, "why not go for broke? As it was, I didn't get the 'break.' Besides, this is just another failure I can pin on Steve Addington, thereby justifying his departure. Isn't it funny? One Busch brother crew chief is leaving voluntarily, while another is leaving involuntarily. That reminds me of my final days at Hendrick Motorsports, when the two most overheard phrases were 'I don't want to be here' and 'I don't want you here.'"
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