* Homo-erratic, or The Check's Not the Only Thing in the Male — Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 by the NBA for uttering an anti-gay slur towards referee Bennie Adams on April 12 against the San Antonio Spurs. Although TNT cameras clearly showed Bryant saying the word, he still appealed the fine. Reportedly, Bryant claimed he had just realized that NBA officials no longer wear black and white striped jerseys when he exclaimed, 'That zebra is gray.' Bryant is now known for his "defense" in Colorado, and his "offense" in Los Angeles.
* Anarchy in the UK, or Knight Rider — Bobby Knight apologized on Tuesday after making inaccurate statements about the academic record of the University of Kentucky basketball team. At a speaking engagement in Indiana over the weekend, Knight incorrectly stated that the starters on the Wildcats 2009-10 team did not attend class in the spring semester. In a statement, Knight expressed remorse for his erroneous comments, and also apologized for a grammatical error, insisting he meant to say "Kentucky's players didn't attend class, period."
* Mark the Calendar, in Pencil — The NFL announced its 2011 schedule on Tuesday, with the season kicking off on Thursday, September 8th when the Saints visit the Packers in a matchup of the last two Super Bowl winners. It looks like a great matchup ... on paper, which, with a potential labor lockout looming, might be the only place the two teams meet.
* Manny Positive Returns — Tampa Bay's Manny Ramirez retired after testing positive for a banned substance, choosing to leave the game instead of serve a 100-game suspension. Ramirez served a 50-game suspension for a drug policy violation in 2009, and second-time offenders face double that penalty. It seems that after years of free-swinging at bats, Ramirez finally drew a "walk," and the enigmatic slugger left baseball on a positive note.
* Phillie Schematic — PhillieBot, a one-armed, three-wheeled robot, threw out the first pitch at Wednesday's Brewers/Phillies game in Philadelphia. The robot, designed by engineers at the University of Pennsylvania, bounced a pitch to the plate, and was later sent down to the Phillies single-A affiliate Lakewood Blueclaws to work on his mechanics.
* Wanna Be Ending Something, or White Wrapper — Memphis Grizzlies guard Jason Williams, affectionally known as "White Chocolate," announced his retirement from the NBA after 12 seasons. Williams has expressed an interest in broadcasting, and could possibly team up with TNT's David Aldridge to form the television duo of "White Chocolate and Black Vanilla."
* Britt-ish Evasion, or Pacman Fever — Tennessee Titans wide receiver Kenny Britt was arrested on April 12th in his hometown of Bayonne, New Jersey for eluding an officer, hindering apprehension, and obstructing governmental function after speeding away from a traffic stop. It was the latest in a number of run-ins with law enforcement, including driving without a license in August and a role in a bar fight in October. Sources within the Titans organization say Britt pleaded ignorance to the most recent charges, and a New Jersey judge quickly declared him guilty.
* He Can Run, But He Can't Guide — Nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis announced his intentions to run for the New Jersey Senate as a Democratic candidate, thus attempting the long jump from civilian to politician. Republicans challenged Lewis' candidacy, claiming he hasn't lived in New Jersey for the required four years. It was Lewis' first false start in nearly 14 years, and his first run-in with a "starting" block in some time. However, a judge ruled that Lewis' can continue his bid for office because Republicans failed to prove that he doesn't reside in New Jersey.
* Heel No, He Won't Go, or Staying Power—North Carolina freshman Harrison Barnes announced on Monday that he well return to UNC for his sophomore season, or, as Kentucky's John Calipari would call it, "pursuing a graduate degree."
* Defense Doesn't Win Championships, But it Does Win Awards, or Far From Rejected — Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard won the NBA defensive MVP award, easily outdistancing Kevin Garnett for the honor and Howard became the first player to win the award three consecutive years. Howard led the league in double-doubles and averaged 14.1 rebounds, 2.3 blocks, 1.3 steals, and 0 instances of calling an opponent a "cancer patient" on the season.
* Top Jimmie, or Talladega Slight — Jimmie Johnson won the Aaron's 499 at Talladega by .002 over Clint Bowyer, which tied for the closest finish in a NASCAR race since the series went to electronic timing. It's a testament to the strides a sport that evolved from running moonshine has made, when the difference in winning and losing is measured in thousandths, as opposed to "fifths."
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