Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Busch — Busch fell a lap down early but recovered to post a 4th-place finish at Bristol.
"Unlike Denny Hamlin," Busch said, "I would never apologize to a driver whom I passed for the victory. I don't want anyone to ever say, 'Kyle Busch puts the 'ass' in 'compassion.'"
2. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin started on the pole at Bristol and overcame a number of impediments, including a loose wheel, contact with Jimmie Johnson, and falling a lap down at one point.
"That's called 'beating adversity,'" Hamlin said. "As we all know, adversity is not even close to being undefeated. In fact, it's the only thing Kurt Busch has ever beaten in a fight."
3. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex finished 13th at Bristol, 2 laps down.
"Congratulations to Denny Hamlin," Truex said. "But let's face it, the night belong to runner-up Matt DiBenedetto, who just recently lost his ride. Fans gave him a standing ovation. And while all those fans were standing, Matt was the one looking for a 'seat.'"
4. Joey Logano — Logano found himself in an early hole after an unscheduled pit stop left him 3 laps down. He battled his way back to the lead lap, but damage in a lap 364 accident damaged the nose of his No. 22 Penske Mustang. He finished 16th, and is 2nd in the points standing, 39 behind Kyle Busch.
"It was an up and down night," Logano said. "Not only for me, but for many drivers. There were more 'uppers' and 'downers' than a sleepover at Tim Richmond's house."
5. Chase Elliott — Elliott took 5th at Bristol to post the best finish for a Chevrolet.
"I don't think the No. 9 Hendrick Motorsports car was good enough to win," Elliott said. "But I'm happy to give Chevy their best finish. It's a small victory. I guess that the result when you 'manufacture' a win."
6. Kevin Harvick — Harvick finished last at Bristol.
"Nothing beats a victory burnout with your son in the car," Harvick said. "I experienced that after winning at Michigan. Bristol was another story. After my performance at Bristol, my son Keelan called a ride-share, because he was 'Uber-disappointed.'"
7. Brad Keselowski — Keselowski took third in the Bass Pro Shops NRA Night Race, recording his first top-five since a 5th at Chicagoland in late June.
"I think fans and drivers alike love night racing," Keselowski said. "Ask anyone and they'll tell you, 'Night racing is way 'cooler' than day racing.'"
8. Kurt Busch — Busch finished 9th at Bristol, posting his 13th top-10 of the season.
"I think Matt DiBenedetto's performance will certainly get him another job," Busch said. "But really, he probably would have won the race if stubborn old Ryan Newman had gotten out of his way. Thanks to Newman, DiBenedetto got 'jobbed.'"
9. Ryan Blaney — Blaney finished 10th, one lap down, at Bristol, posting his 11th top-10 of the season.
"I cut a tire and triggered an accident that collected several cars," Blaney said. "Sparks were flying out of the rear end of my car. 'Sparks' and 'rear end' are never a good combination anywhere, especially at Martinsville after one of their hot dogs."
10. Kyle Larson — Larson won Stage 1 at Bristol and finished 6th.
"How about J.J. Yeley pulling Slayer as a sponsor for his car?" Larson said. "Apparently, some other sponsors didn't want to be associated with the band. I guess these other sponsors must have a lot of influence, but I think they should mind their own business. It's a case of 'heavy meddle.'"
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