Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin finished 11th at Homestead despite starting at the back of the field and suffering a late pit road speeding penalty.
"It was odd to be racing at Homestead in the third race of the season," Hamlin said. "Honestly, I thought I was racing for the championship. That's probably why I finished 11th.
"So, Kyle Petty says I should be worried about my job security. I guess being the son of the 'King' only makes you a 'royal' pain in the ass."
2. Kevin Harvick — Harvick finished 5th at Homestead as the lone Stewart-Haas Racing driver in the top 10.
"The words 'Dixie Vodka' were plastered all over the track," Harvick said. "And speaking of 'plastered all over the track,' Clint Bowyer's been that as a driver, as an announcer, and as a fan."
3. Michael McDowell — McDowell finished 6th at Homestead and is 4th in the points standings, 33 out of first.
"Kevin Harvick is the only other driver with three top 10's," McDowell said. "That puts me in fast company. That's just a bit different that 'speed company,' which is what happens when you're in the presence of anyone with the last name 'Mayfield.'"
4. Chase Elliott — Elliott came home 14th at Homestead and is 5th in the points standings.
"Homestead is the first of nine 1.5-mile tracks on the 2021 schedule," Elliott said. "That's nine too many in the opinion of most. The perfect NASCAR schedule would be four super speedway races, 10 road course races, and one Cannonball Run-style cross-country race to close the season."
5. William Byron — Byron led 102 laps, and controlled the race late, to win the Dixie Vodka 400 at Homestead.
"Crew chief Rudy Fugle called a heck of a race for the No. 24 Axalta Chevrolet," Byron said. "And he deserves all the praise from everyone. So, I 'Ax-al-ta' rise and give it up to Rudy."
6. Joey Logano — Logano finished a disappointing 25th on a tough day for Penske Racing. Logano is still 2nd in the points standings, 12 behind Denny Hamlin.
"Three races into the season," Logano said, "and Penske Racing doesn't have a win yet. But there's no need to panic. We of all teams know that fortunes can change in the blink of an eye. For example, Penske was running 1-2 on the last lap in the Daytona 500 and didn't win."
7. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex led 37 laps and finished 3rd at Homestead.
"The No. 19 Bass Pro Shops Toyota was strong on long runs all day," Truex said, "until the last one. But I still finished third, so I think we'll be all right, ironically, in the 'long run.'"
8. Kurt Busch — Busch finished 8th at Homestead and is 8th in the points standings.
"Chip Ganassi wasn't allowed to attend the race," Busch said. "He was suspended for violating COVID-19 protocols last week at Daytona. In medical terms, Chip 'flu the coop.'
"But in all seriousness, Chip's actions weren't anywhere near the dumbest in Ganassi Racing history. Heck, it didn't even make the top 10. That's because 1 through 10 are occupied by Juan Pablo Montoya for crashing into a Jet Dryer at Daytona in 2012."
9. Kyle Larson — Larson finished 4th at Homestead as Hendrick Motorsports placed three cars in the top 10, led by race winner William Byron.
"Congratulations to William Byron," Larson said. "If you would have told me before the race that '24' would be in Victory Circle, I would have guessed it was the age of the winner."
10. (tie): Christopher Bell — Bell finished 20th at Homestead and is 7th in the points standings.
"Obviously," Bell said, "I would have liked to have won back-to-back races. But it was not to be. Winning on Daytona's road course was a dream come true. Finishing 20th at Homestead was the first of 34 wake-up calls."
10. (tie): Brad Keselowski — Keselowski finished 16th at Homestead.
"It's not the result we were looking for," Keselowski said. "On the bright side, my teammate Joey Logano didn't wreck, which leads to an even brighter side, which is the fact that I'm not obligated to talk to him."
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