Lovin’ the Curse of the Bambino

The ancient Greek tragedy, "Oedipus the King," was the greatest of all plays written by the famed playwright Sophocles. In the story, Oedipus is a great king who did great things for his city. Fate, however, is against the great king. To make a long story short, Oedipus discovers that he murdered his father and his wife, who had borne him two daughters and was also his mother. Upon realizing that he was a mother-f****** murderer, he gouged his eyes out and fled the city.

This play was extremely popular back in the day, and it is still a classic book. It was wildly entertaining, and I couldn't help but laugh at the image of an eye-less Oedipus running from the city he made great. It just wasn't in the cards for him. And while the only Greek tragedies we have these days are restricted to book form, I can still enjoy the closest thing we to it have today, the Boston Red Sox.

Before I go any further, let me clarify, I am not implying that the Red Sox enjoy fornicating with their mothers. Nevertheless, their demise is no less entertaining. Every fall, I hear about how this will be their year, the year they finally end the mythical curse of the Bambino. Then every fall, I get to see them self-destruct and fall apart. This will never get old as each year bears a new tragic hero for the bereaved Red Sox nation.

I can't understand why Red Sox fans get their hopes up every year, when we all know what the outcome will be. Does it make me a bad person to enjoy watching their faces as the camera pans the crowd, showing each person with their hands clasped together in prayer, as if to ask God to have mercy on their cursed team, only to moments later see the other team, usually the Yankees, tear the heart out of every fan in Fenway? Probably, but it sounded a little less cruel in my head.

It's almost as if the Red Sox were merely actors in a performance of one of the classic Greek tragedies. Every year is full of promise for the Red Sox, only to have it ended by a freak injury, play, or Yankee home run. Other times they just get destroyed, whether or not they have the better team. They just can't win ... and I love it.

At this point, it is just comical. Every year, the Red Sox find new ways to lose. Last year, it was a
game 7 home run. This offseason, it was their failed bid to land the baseball's best player, only to see him picked up by their archrival, the New York Yankees. This year, despite having what many believed to be the more talented team, they were destroyed by, naturally, the Yanks.

If there was going to be a movie about Boston Red Sox fans, it would be a cross between Groundhog Day and Titanic. It would start out with a ship full of hopeful fans, eager to reach the harbor of a World Series win. Inevitably, they hit the famed iceberg and sink.

The next day, the fans scramble aboard again, convinced that today is the day their ship reaches the port safely. They make record time, only to again sink at the hands of an oversized ice-cube. They are convinced that the next day will bear the fruits of their labor, but relinquish all hope when the Loch Ness monster brings the ship down.

Their hopes turn to dismay the day after, as well, as the ship inexplicably sinks itself. The fans get onboard the next day, only to yet again have their dreams derailed, this time at the hands of Cap'n Crunch, who raids and sinks the ship with his merry band of cereal pirates.

I don't know why the Red Sox fans set themselves up like this every year, but it's always good for some enjoyment. I was reading famed Red Sox fan and popular ESPN.com columnist Bill Simmons' ALCS column and was amused, yet not surprised at the following statement:

"Heading to the subway after the game, I bought two t-shirts from sidewalk vendors to make myself feel better. The first one says "YANKS SUCK" on the front and questions A-Rod's sexual preference on the back. That was $10. The second one simply says, "POSADA IS A LITTLE B****H." That was $5. I'm going to break them both out this winter in California. Frequently. While I'm recovering from another Red Sox season that fell short." - ESPN.com's Bill Simmons

This is what Red Sox fans are reduced to, taking away moral victories in the form of cheap anti-Yankees t-shirts. As the old saying goes, if you can't beat them, buy t-shirts that mock them and help you feel better about your playoff impotence.

I used to feel bad for the Red Sox fans, but at least most of them double as New England Patriots fans, so they can feel fulfilled with their Pats' Super Bowl wins. Still, many of them would like nothing more than to win a World Series. Fortunately, they never will and every fall, it will be the same.

The leaves will change colors, the weather will become cooler, and the Red Sox will inevitably suffer another playoff elimination, which will result in fans fleeing the city and gouging their eyes out.

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].