Sports Q&A: NFL’s Most Improved?

Luc from Baltimore asks, "What teams in the NFL will be the most improved next season?"

At the top of the list is a team that advanced to the second round of the NFC playoffs last year, the Minnesota Vikings. In that respect, the Vikes would need to reach the NFC championship to qualify as improved. But, in the wake of the Randy Moss blockbuster deal, Minnesota certainly looks like a team to challenge for the NFC crown. Only this time, Minnesota will do it with a defense that will be the team's catalyst, not their weakness.

In the Moss trade, the Vikings received linebacker Napoleon Harris from the Raiders, in addition to the Raiders' No. 7 pick in April's NFL draft. Via free agency, Minnesota acquired nose tackle Pat Williams from Buffalo, cornerback Fred Smoot from Washington, and free safety Darren Sharper from Green Bay. Also, the Vikings picked up middle linebacker Sam Cowart in a trade with the Jets. Harris and Cowart will upgrade a Viking linebacking corps that was mostly responsible for the Vikings' 21st rush defense ranking. Sharper and Smoot will immediately improve a defensive backfield, that, with the exception of CB Antoine Winfield, was deficient in the coverage and tackling departments.

Offensively, Minnesota certainly loses explosiveness at WR with the departure of Moss, but they did sign Travis Taylor, formerly of Baltimore, to team with the returning receiver group of Nate Burleson, Kelly Campbell, and Marcus Robinson. It makes for a dangerous, yet unspectacular, four wideout set. The loss of a little firepower in the passing game may actually be a blessing in disguise, as this may force the Vikings to rely on the running game more, a facet of their offense that was sometimes neglected last year. With Onterrio Smith, Michael Bennett, and Mwelde Moore, Minnesota has the speed and depth to run the ball.

With that No. 7 pick, the Vikings must decide whether to further upgrade the defense, or try to land a high-rated wide receiver. They also have the No. 18 pick, so they have leverage to trade up. Whatever they choose, the Vikings will be a better team. The remaining question is whether Mike Tice is the coach to guide the improved Vikings. Is a coach who's admitted to scalping Super Bowl tickets the man of character you want leading a team that usually has lacked discipline and heart? Probably not, but Minnesota seems to be a place where you're given second and third chances, whether you're a player or coach.

Honorable Mention

Kansas City: Two years removed from a 13-3 season, the Chiefs are aiming for the playoffs after 2004's 7-9 campaign. Wisely, the Chiefs made two acquisitions for their defense, signing safety Sammie Knight from Miami and linebacker Kendrell Bell, formerly of Pittsburgh. Beyond their physical skills, both will provide a leadership presence to a defense that sorely lacks attitude. The Chiefs can also further upgrade on defense with the No. 15 pick in the draft, possibly on a cornerback. Or, they could use that pick for a wide receiver to improve an aging receivers corps.

Cleveland: The Browns automatically improved with the hiring of Romeo Crennel as head coach. In addition, Cleveland traded for running back Reuben Droughns from Denver, and also acquired quarterback Trent Dilfer in a trade with Seattle. Droughns will team with Lee Suggs and form a formidable backfield. Dilfer will be the starter with the departure of Jeff Garcia and Kelly Holcomb, and will also serve as mentor to the quarterback Cleveland chooses to draft with the No. 3 pick. Whatever happens, the Browns will certainly improve on last years 4-12 record.

Oakland: If the Raiders could duplicate the quality of their offensive upgrades on the defensive side of the ball, they would be at the top of the list. Oakland's rushing offense can only go up with the addition of Lamont Jordan; they ranked last in the league in 2004. With Randy Moss at wide receiver, the Raiders arguably have the second-best group of wide outs in the game (with Jerry Porter, Ronald Curry, and Doug Gabriel), second only to the Colts. Defensively, Oakland has holes to fill, and this year's only major signing is defensive end Derrick Burgess, formerly of the Eagles. But with that offense, who needs defense?

Terry from Boulder, Colorado asks, "Is professional wrestling fake?"

It's good that you're asking me and not a professional wrestler. The last person to ask a wrestler that question, John Stossel of ABC's 20/20, had the smack laid down upon him by wrestler David "Dr. Death" Schultz. Schultz thought he was a big shot, until Stossel's colleagues, Barbara Walters and Hugh Downs, intervened and double-teamed Schultz by pile driving him through the 20/20 news desk.

Anyway, let's start with the issue of blood in wrestling. As I'm sure you've seen countless times, wrestlers often "bleed" from the forehead. Well, that "blood" is about as real as this imaginary french fry I'm dipping into the crimson mask of Ric Flair after a steel chair shot from Dusty Rhodes. It's ketchup. In the glory days of wrestling, generic ketchup served satisfactorily. As the popularity of wrestling grew, so did its budget, so wrestlers were able to switch to top-of-the-line ketchup, usually Heinz or Del Monte.

WWE president Vince McMahon famously likes to brag about the time in 1984 when he brokered a deal to have Del Monte sponsor the WWE's marquee event, WrestleMania, while simultaneously negotiating with Heinz to provide ketchup for concessions. The notoriously cheap McMahon kept all of this from the wrestlers, and they were forced to "bleed" the bargain brand ketchup, while fans enjoyed Heinz on their hot dogs and fries. This lead to the famous "taste test" comment made by former WWE Intercontinental Champion Rowdy Roddy Piper, as he cleaned up from a particularly "bloody" match with "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, while noshing on a concession hot dog.

In the early '90s, those behind the scenes in wrestling noticed that the blood and gore in horror movies was reaching a new level of realism. Thus began the era of special effects in the wrestling business. Ketchup was out, and food coloring and corn syrup was in. If you check the financials of all the major ketchup makers around 1992, you'll notice a significant drop in ketchup sales around that time.

McMahon quickly jumped on the F/X idea, and soon hired Hollywood special effects master Tom Savini as a "makeup" artist. Savini was the whiz behind the incredibly realistic effects in such horror classics as Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, and Friday the 13th. Savini was mesmerized by the business, and soon suggested to McMahon the idea of creating special effects forehead scars to match the faux wounds. McMahon was all for it, and Savini applied his skills to the heads of several notorious "bleeders."

Take a look and the foreheads of certain old-school wrestlers, such as Rhodes, Abdullah the Butcher, and "Dirty" Dick Slater. Those craters in their foreheads? Makeup. Incredibly realistic makeup. McMahon rewarded Savini's talent and diligence with a spot in the 1992 Survivor Series, where Savini wrestled as a masked character called "The Frightener." He was quickly disposed of by the Undertaker with a tombstone pile driver.

Although the special effects methods remained prominent, some wrestlers employed new tricks to achieve more realism in the ring. Jake "The Snake" Roberts devised a method that quickly gained popularity among wrestlers who often "bled" in the ring. Before matches, Roberts would lightly abrade his forehead with "P" grade sandpaper, thereby softening the tissue there. When, in the context of a match, Roberts' opponent made physical contact with Roberts' forehead, the tissue would often be compromised, thus producing legitimate blood.

Other wrestlers took this method a few steps further. Some would ingest a handful of aspirin to "thin" their blood after applying the sandpaper. Still others would sandpaper, take aspirin, and stand on their heads for 30 minutes to an hour in order to "rush" blood to their heads, making a gusher more likely. These methods abruptly halted in 1995 when the New York State Athletic Commission overhauled its guidelines sanctioning wrestling, boxing, and reality fighting.

Now, as far as wrestlers being hit by steel chairs and being propelled through wooden tables, it can all be logically explained. If you've watched wrestling, you have no doubt seen a wrestler blasted over the head with a steel chair, and heard the resulting, loudly audible "pop" that follows.

First of all, the "steel" chair is actually comprised of a titanium-magnesium alloy that contains diabase, a mineral also found in the rocks and Ringing Rocks State Park in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Any competent geologist will tell you that a metal chair containing diabase will behave in much the same way as the rocks at Ringing Rocks. Those rocks emit an audible ring when hit with a hammer. Only with the chair, the titanium reacts with the diabase to produce a "popping" sound as opposed to the "ringing" sound. And, with the lightweight metals forming the chair, wrestlers could really afford to take a legitimate swing at another wrestler's head without fear of injury.

Had any wrestler been thrown through a brand new wooden table, he would probably have suffered internal injuries and serious bruising. So, new tables were never used. These tables were made of very low-quality particle wood, and therefore had a life span of about four to five years. The older the table, the more usable it was to the wrestlers. After years of experimenting, it was determined that the tables aged and softened up by a few years on the flea market circuit worked the best. A weather-beaten table would snap easily when a 200+ pound wrestler had his body hurled into it, and the risk of injury was minimal.

So, Terry, the answer to your question is, yes, wrestling is fake. And, if you believed anything you just read, you, my friend, are a sucker. But have a happy April Fool's Day.

Get Your Questions Answered!

Do you have a question or comment? Need those tough tax law questions answered? Looking to cure that flesh-eating disease? Need a discreet steroid distributor? Then send your question/medical records/W2s/dilemna along with your name and hometown to [email protected]. You may get the answer you're looking for in the next column on Friday, April 15th.