Seamus fron Boston, MA writes, "Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson allegedly wants to record a song with the Irish boy band Westlife. Would it be wise for Westlife to take Tyson up on his offer?"
You bet your Blarney Stone that Westlife should allow Tyson to join the band. I'm sure Tyson can't sing or dance, but he's a publicity machine, and he could serve on security detail when necessary. Besides, if Westlife denies his wish, Tyson has threatened to eat their children.
This is not the first time Tyson has revealed his desire to sing. In 1990, before he lost his undisputed heavyweight title to Buster Douglas in Tokyo, Tyson mentioned a desire to join the Japanese super-group Pink Lady. Needless to say, Pink Lady rebuffed him, citing fear for their lives. Tyson also requested a tryout to become Metallica's new bassist when Jason Newsted quit the band in 2002. His request was granted, but in his tryout, Tyson worked the heavy bag instead of playing bass, and he didn't get the job.
One of the members of Westlife, Brian McFadden, left the group, and Tyson expressed his interest in filling the spot. Like many American boy bands, such as N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys, one of Westlife's members is the "cute" one, one is the "sensitive" one, another is the "funny" one, and still another is the "one with the alcohol problem." Luckily for Tyson, McFadden just happened to be the "one who was a boxer with a criminal past and a tattooed face."
Tyson would be a perfect fit. And Tyson's connections to promoter Don King should open doors for the band. Just think, for his next comeback bout, Tyson and Westlife could perform a mini-concert before the fight, then Tyson could hit the ring against a washed-up journeyman. Sure, he'd probably lose the fight, but Westlife would be exposed to an American audience. With King promoting the spectacle, publicity for the band would skyrocket, and although they wouldn't see a dime from King for their performance, Westlife would surely sell more albums.
I mean, really, who wouldn't want to see Tyson onstage dancing in unison with three Irish boys? I surely would. Add Tyson singing to the mix, and you have the makings of a true spectacle. I can see it now: in front of 65,000 screaming fans at Wembley Stadium, Tyson moves to the front of the stage to croon the heart-wrenching ballad "A Right Cross to the Chin (Love Is)." The lasses in the crowd are sure to swoon, or run for their lives. Or maybe Tyson could break out the up-tempo number "In One Ear, And I Bit Off the Other," or the hit "I've Made $500 Million In My Life, But I Really Need This Gig."
Let's face it. Does Tyson really even need Westlife to hit it big in the music industry? Why can't he just go solo? Michael Jackson did it. Sammy Hagar did it. Sting did it. William Hung did it. And speaking of Hung, Tyson should start his singing career on American Idol, the launching pad for the vocal stars of tomorrow, or maybe just a face on a $1 CD in the future. Anyway, as an Idol contestant, Tyson could hone his singing skills, verbally spar with Simon Cowell, and possibly hook up with Paula Abdul, who may be the only human crazier than Tyson.
But if Westlife takes Tyson up on his offer, he should jump all over it. A spokesman for the band has said, and I quote, "This sounds really interesting. The band are all fans of Tyson." In other words, the spokesman said, "Gosh, I hope Tyson just forgets about this whole matter." Sure, musically, it may not be in Westlife's best interest to have Tyson join the band, but who cares about music? The current members of Westlife probably can't sing a lick themselves. A former heavyweight champion, and current lunatic, in a boy band. We all want that. It's got pay-per-view written all over it.
Woody from Clifton, OH writes, "Photographs of athletes from Catholic University in Washington, D.C. and Quinnipiac University in Hamden, Connecticut have been posted on a website allegedly showing them engaged in initiation parties. What's the big deal?"
Honestly, I don't know what the big deal is. There are far more controversial postings on web sites than those mentioned above. And when I say "far more," I mean about two billion. Earlier this week, Northwestern University suspended its women's soccer team in response to pictures of alleged hazing activities that appeared on the same website. Due to that, several universities are investigating hazing incidents, including Catholic and Quinnipiac.
Catholic is investigating its women's lacrosse program after photos magically appeared on the web showing a male stripper at a freshman initiation party. Oh, those poor girls! That level of dehumanization and psychological shock experienced by that male stripper should not be tolerated by universities. Actually, I doubt any of the lacrosse team members complained about that particular initiation rite. In fact, I wouldn't even call this an "initiation party." I would just call it a "party." Michael Allen, athletic director at Catholic, said in a statement that he and lacrosse coach Kristine Manning weren't aware of the party until Wednesday morning. "Otherwise, we would have been there," he added.
Quinnipiac is investigating photos that show "men dancing around in underwear and adult diapers and spraying whipped cream on a women who is lying on the floor" as part of a baseball team initiation party. Also, the university is holding a contest to see who can come up with the best caption to the photo, with the winner receiving an invitation to the baseball team's next initiation party.
Seriously, though, who hasn't worn underwear and/or adult diapers while spraying whipped cream? Believe me, it takes more coordination than you think, and when you have a target to hit, it's almost impossible. So, to some, all this may be called an initiation party, but I call it "training." And don't tell me that the situation is degrading to women unless you agree that the male stripper at the Catholic party was degraded, as well. I'm sure both were paid very well for their services, and if they don't like their jobs, they can quit.
Anyway, some cases of hazing rituals are more serious than the two mentioned above. In some instances, initiations involve the forced consumption of alcohol, sleep deprivation, or psychological cruelty. But sometimes that's what you must do if you want to call yourself a "frat boy." Athletes are held to a different standard than the everyday college student. If there's a stripper at a college party not hosted by athletes, you won't hear about it. Underwear, adult diapers, and whipped cream won't make the news, unless it's part of a hazing ritual, or if one of the members of Motley Crue is involved.
So Woody, the big deal here is someone put some photos on a website. Then, somebody with no sense of humor who's offended by strippers, diapers, whipped cream, and what not saw the photos and felt the need to create a stir. Why? Probably because they weren't hugged enough as a child, or because they've never been sprayed with whipped cream. Whatever the case, it's an over-reaction. As is the case in basketball, "no harm, no foul."
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